Lay Down Your Burdens

I went for a 3 mile jaunt this morning around the track at our local YMCA.  It was dark when I started and actually quite nice temperature wise.  I dressed in my usual running garb and my IPOD shuffle newly charged with inspirational music minus the ear muff headphones was securely attached to my waist.  I was plugged in and on my way.  One of the first songs I heard was a song about “Laying down Your Burdens.”

When I was a youngster, my family would go to my Aunt Ruth’s house every year for New Year’s Day dinner.  She and my Uncle lived about 45 minutes from our home.  Mom, Dad, and my sisters, Janet, Marion and Nancy and I would climb into our car, in the matching outfits Aunt Ruth had given us for Christmas and go on our way.  Aunt Ruth and Uncle Howard were not able to have children of their own, but they really blessed us!  Aunt Ruth was/is an easy laugher and very fun loving.  She and my Uncle always seemed to have a twinkle in their eye. (Might have been the Scotch they drank neat!)  We would watch one football game after the other on New Year’s Day and then we’d have the fresh ham dinner with sauerkraut that was the tradition for our heritage.  At the end of dinner, the adults would sit around the table talking and we girls would drag ourselves sated and tired out to the kitchen and start doing the dishes.  She still doesn’t have a dishwasher and she is now 93!  When the dishes were done, we’d go look at the gifts that they had received and then we’d call it a night.  Dad would go out and warm up the car (we lived in the suburbs of Philadelphia) because it was always cold at that time of year.  As with any car trip, we would “call out” our seats.  I have window….I have the other window, I have middle between Mom and Dad or the unlucky one was the middle of the backseat.  As we rode back home we would be lulled into sleep because of our full bellies and the warmth of the car.  When we would finally reach home, most if not all were asleep.  The poor sibling in the middle of the back seat could only hope that on either side, one of us would have let her slump against us.  There were many a time I would feign sleep, just so that my Dad would have to carry me inside the house.  All I wanted to do, was get right into bed, without undressing or brushing my teeth, because I just wanted to stay enveloped in that warmth and security.

When I hear the song “Lay down Your Burdens” I think of these car rides.  The song goes on with the line….lay down your burdens, I will carry you.  See why the reference, why I think like I do?  As we walk through life, we encounter many situations that we can’t handle alone.  I was just reading Matthew 16.  The following verses 24-26 are from “The Message” Jesus, is talking with his disciples.  "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?

Anyone who knows me well knows that I use to be the queen of the self-help section of the bookstore.  I love psychology, not enough to study it, in college (I dropped it the first time, but didn’t do it correctly so I got an F and when I took it again I only got a C).  My interest wasn’t in Freud, it was in dealing with human emotion, originally my own!  Upon reading this scripture from “The Message” I see now that all the self-help in the world won’t “fix” what needs fixing!

This scripture begs us to hold our hands out to the One who is there, waiting with His hand out to help us!  Our Father in heaven is willing to wrap us in the warmth of His embrace and carry us through the storms of life, securely wrapped in His strong arms.  Unfortunately too often we run away to our antidote of choice – alcohol, drugs, work, etc. thinking if we can hide long enough, the “burden” will somehow cease to exist.  There are no pat answers in life, and I am not trying to minimize what people, including myself, are going through.  In fact, one of the things mentioned is “embracing suffering”…..that’s a really tough one and I don’t do that one well at all!

I will say though, I am learning and when I have laid down my concerns and have left them at His feet, meaning not picking them back up again, I am slowly finding that by faith, things are being resolved and in ways that make me marvel.  I have been unemployed for 3 years now, a whole other story, I’ve gone back to school to get my license to be a CNA and I’m still not finding work.  Thing is, last week, if I had been “working” I would not have been available for a dear friend when she needed me.  There isn’t anywhere I’d rather have been at that time, other than wishing the reason hadn’t occurred!

My nephew just returned from a mission trip to Ethiopia.  His comment was that over there “they are a people with very little hope and yet they are a people with all the hope, joy and faith in Christ!  The Ethiopian Christians LIVE the words of the Bible.”  We have so many more opportunities over here and we need to simply “trust” and reach out our hands to God.  Take whatever burdens you feel you have (not selfish wants, but legit needs) and lay them down.  Vow to allow God to use you and don’t dwell on things.  If you give it up and expect Him to take care of it, every time you go and pick it back up, you are in essence saying “God, you can’t do this or aren’t doing this!”  I imagine His response is, “why should I, you keep thinking you can do it better and won’t leave it for Me to do.”

At church, I see more and more people worshipping with raised hands, during the musical portion of the service.  The music moves me so much but I am still inhibited in my response.  Oh to be free to worship with that type of joy.  I use to think it was just a southern thing, now I know it is really people free enough in their worship experience to be able to reach up and out to God and willing to take His hands!  But in the privacy of my car…..I guess I shouldn’t let on that I’ve gotten quite good at driving with my knees!!!

Looking up!~ Barb

What do you say?

What do you say, when someone you care about is facing grief so profound?  What words might you possibly string together that might touch their heavy hearts?   I went in search for a meaningful card for a friend whose son just passed away last week.  I stumbled upon a website, the artist Michael Noyes, practices the art of calligraphy and one of his cards stood out in its simplicity and seemed the perfect choice.  It read "Tears are prayers too."  The story behind this card was about the tragic death of their child, with the mother saying to the father, "I just can't pray; I don't know what to say."  This was his reply.  If you google this artist, you can see his work, and I actually am so touched by this sentiment, I will probably buy this print.

This card, in its simplicity speaks volumes to me.  Sometimes there just aren't words.  The thoughts that keep swirling in my mind were the ones surrounding the times when Jesus wept.  Twice this is mentioned in the Bible, but the one that stands out in my mind was the death of Lazarus.  If the God of this universe is willing to put on human flesh, and come take on our troubles enough to weep, it proves to me that God is concerned about our individual welfare.  He didn't have to; He did it though.  He cried, because of what He felt.

Some people go to great lengths to block what they feel.  I don't know why, maybe out of fear?  The older I get, the more I am moved by the things that I do see and hear.  I am not a public cryer, and yet, I have felt tears cascading down my cheeks in church, or when I see or read about an injustice.  Music is the most usual cause for me though, sometimes its the melodies and other times the lyrics, they just seem to speak to my soul!

When someone is struggling, it makes some people uncomfortable and they don't know what to say or do.  Noone teaches you how to deal with this, unfortunately it just seems like a life lesson and no two people do it alike.  Some people are private and to have to share their grief is too public an option.  They feel self-conscious and exposed.  In the middle of their grief, they have to somehow reign in their feelings to face the world and this is sometimes just more difficult than dealing with the grief itself.  Others wear their emotions in plain sight.  Both need to be comforted, but we have to learn to read their styles and not force our ways onto them.

What do you say?  Sometimes it is just your (silent) presence that is required, other times a hug, but the best thing to do is to let them lead, they may just need to say what is in their hearts.   What I like about "Tears are prayers too!" is that it encompasses the inconceiveable.  When I think about 9/11, I still cry.  I personally look at tears, as a source of healing, in fact a very moving song that I love is entitled "Healing Rain" by Michael W. Smith.  Pent up emotions cause us stress.  Our bodies weren't built for the stresses we encounter daily.  The result of stress is disease.  Crying releases the pent up emotions in us, both joyous and sad tears, thus the healing restorative powers that this song mentions.  You may not find the right words, but by being present, you provide not only the hug, but two shoulders to help catch those tears!

Finally, this is written in memory of the young man, who shall remain nameless to protect my friend's privacy. 

Looking up!~ Barb

Draw Me Closer

I read a story this morning, in a blog like article, called “Girlfriends in God.”  This one by Lori Fairchild was entitled “Drawing Near.”   Part of it was about the placement of the figurines in her nativity scene this past Christmas.  She mentioned that she placed her angel and shepherds outside the manger, and a short distance away.  All the faces in her nativity scene were pointed outward.  Her young daughter at some point rearranged all the figurines into the small manger, turning all of them to focus on Jesus, with their backs to the outside.  Isn’t this precisely what God meant about the childlike faith?  This innocent child knows what is important!  Lori goes on to say something telling though, here’s the direct quote, “Too often, I spend my time where I had placed the shepherds - a short distance away from Jesus. I'll get close, but not too close. Why? If I get too close then God might ask me to do something that makes me uncomfortable or expect me to deal with the sin in my life. Too often, I want to stand out in the field and hear the wonderful news that Jesus came to save me, but I don't want to do anything about it.”

Thing is, if we are distant from God, we can’t know Him.  If we don’t know Him, and I don’t mean know about Him, we can’t trust that He holds us close to him even on the darkest of days when life gets messy, and it does, and even those close to Him question the point and want to feel His presence and can’t.  They can only trust that He is there. This has been a very emotional week.  A good friend is laying a second child to rest today.  Everyone is different in their grief and some, like this friend, are private, not wanting all the attention, even if it is well meant.  They are blessed with people willing to weather this journey with them and I am blessed to be amongst them.

If we always stand a bit of a distance away from God, or our friends, or our family, we may save ourselves the pain of dealing with someone else’s sadness, but we also prevent ourselves from reveling in their joy.  Life is supposed to be shared.  It isn’t perfect and it was never meant to be.  God places people in your life for a reason; I hope you take the time to get close to some of them.  I believe that a relationship has to be established first, and not because of an event.  Even with a great relationship that was already established, this week even I haven’t had a clue what to say, or even what to do.  Sometimes there aren't words, and standing shoulder to shoulder with someone is the most you can do!  Losing one child is tragic enough, losing a second one, in 16 months, is unfathomable.  These “children” were young men, dying of natural causes, as opposed to accidents.  What is natural about dying in your 20s?!

It is an honor to be able to stand up with this family at this difficult time.  It is a privilege to be connected and although I can’t “relate” to their devastation, my love for them that knew no boundaries before any of this happened, has increased immeasurably and I can only say that God is close at hand and perhaps working through me to minister to their grief.  That is my prayer in life, to be used by God to minister to people in their need.  I am NOT that good, but God is!  My choice is to move in close and if God asks me to do something that makes me uncomfortable, then I guess He wants to bless me in a way I haven’t been blessed before.  He has called us to serve others and I have spent too much of my life, serving myself.  It is as simple as loving God, who wants to draw you close!  He will give you ALL the tools you need for any situation you find yourself in.  They are there for the asking, but the relationship first has to be established and focused on Jesus, in that childlike faith!

Looking up!~ Barb

Oil and Water

Today is Valentine’s Day and I woke up this morning thinking about salad dressing and relationships.  I know it is an odd combination but I hope you will bear with me on this one.  I seem to blog all the time about relationships and that is because next to God, it is what I think is most important in this world.  Some people might disagree thinking that what they do for a living is more important.  And so I will begin my story.

Let’s start with oil representing one type of person and water representing the other.  When oil and water are mixed together, even when vigorously shaken, when left to settle, they still separate.  Their properties have nothing in common.  Some may think this is the difference between men and women, I feel it is the difference between everyone.  No two people are alike!  They may share similarities, but God formed each of us individually.

Now, if we add vinegar to the above combination we are onto something.  I am allowing vinegar to represent the catalyst in breaking down the elements of both oil and water.  Vinegar is the “work” behind our relationships, and by this I mean the actual physical elements of work.   Some examples would be calling each other, giving a back massage, talking, listening etc. you know, the actual physical things one does to be in a relationship.  These things can be perfunctory, we can do these things by rote, on automatic pilot!!  Even with the addition of these things, something is still missing to allow the relationship to be complete.

That something I’m calling the “Good Seasonings" TM  and for all intent and purposes in this blog it means love.  "Good Seasons"TM  is a type of dry salad dressing mix (for those who don’t know what I’m talking about) that comes in a packet.  It is the “right” amount of herbs and spices and I am using it as an example of God’s knowledge of what it takes to make a relationship work together and be flavorful.

To make the perfect salad dressing, and I just actually did the measurements on this one; one has to mix ¼ cup of vinegar, with a ¼ cup of water and a ½ cup of oil with a packet of the "Good Seasons" TM mix.  After vigorously shaking this mixture, it needs to “chill” or rest to allow time for the herbs and spices to blend.  The thing is, if you look at it, you will notice that the oil and water still separate even after this mixture has been shaken.

Years ago, I read a magazine article entitled “One Small Death”.  Unfortunately I don’t recall the author''s name or the magazine I took it from and I don’t know when, but somewhere in moving, I lost this very telling story.  I will paraphrase what I remember.  Every time we are "less than" in our relationships we cause a crack to open up.  (Less than honest, less than a partner, less than present) As the author of the article states, it causes one small death.   Left on its own, without healing, this crack continues to exist.   Each subsequent argument/disappointment in the relationship then causes yet another small death until the crack that has been left open deteriorates into a chasm.   Some people can co-exist this way, many don’t and divorce, it all depends on the size of the chasm.

The analogy of my "Good Seasons"TM salad dressing mixture is that we can alternate between being the oil or the water in our relationships, meaning sometimes one gives more than the other at different times, but the work (vinegar) and the “Good Seasons”TM packet (God’s special blend) have to be measured out specifically to create the right flavor for our salad. Yes, we will be shaken up and by all accounts daily, but this is a good thing, because it means that we get to be re-blended.

For years I have worked with my husband, in fact almost every day for the last 16 years.  Some people marvel at this, I’ve heard a lot of people say they couldn’t do it.  I don’t think Bruce and I are anything out of the ordinary and believe me, we are oil and water every day!  He definitely has his idea of how he wants to run the business and while it is our business, it is His passion.  Me on the other hand, I am most concerned about the relationships in our lives, both family and friends.  When I sense someone in need, that is where my passion directs me.  It took a while for Bruce to understand and accept this about me.  It hasn’t always been easy and sometimes it has caused small deaths in our relationship.  Time and the addition of "Good Seasons"TM has allowed us to heal these occurences.  By the way that doesn't mean I'm not interested in our business or he isn't interested in our relationships!!  Just want to clarify that!!!

And then just this morning, I read something that sums this all up for me.  It was about rules.  God gave us the Ten Commandments as a basis for us to live by, the Pharisees of the day decided to add to those rules, thinking that if some rules were good, then more would be even better.  Thing is, the Pharisees missed the point and the point was sharing God’s love.  If we only follow the rules, without love we have nothing.  If we love first, then we automatically want to do what is kind and loving which is what the original rules represented.  I use to be very linear meaning following by the book, following the rules.  What I’ve learned is that I need to be shaken up like the salad dressing so that I can be 3D with my seasonings being blended together.

Too much oil or too much water will make any relationship either slippery or bland.  We need the vinegar to break us down and definitely need God’s special seasoning mix.  Look at the relationships around you.  I see many who are afraid of commitments because they have tried to breach one too many chasms.  If they try again and fail, they might totally lose and that is too scary to even think about.  The only answer I can suggest is to try and find where the mixture of the relationship got out of whack.  I have a feeling that whatever follows behind the “too much” rule is what the problem is.  Some work too much, others give too much, or need too much.  Too much is not a good thing, we need the right blend if we want to be successful.  Final thought, you know why “too much” is a problem in our lives?  I have a feeling it is because somewhere along the line we have been dealing with feeling too little so we wind up overcompensating!  Too much house, too much car, too many material possessions mean too much work, which means too much stress which equates to too much yelling, too much eating, too much drinking and/or too little time doing the loving thing.  Need evidence of too much?  Look at how it has affected your relationships with your significant others (spouses, children, family and friends)!  We give too many material things to make up for the one thing we don't give enough of......and that one thing is TIME.  Jesus says the road is wide but the entrance is narrow and what I've taken that to mean is that I have to be willing to sacrifice my "wants" for His needs and that is really difficult!  If anyone thinks my finger points at them, just remember, there are 3 other fingers pointing back at me!!!  Let's shake it up!

Looking up!~

Barb

Relationships

Relationships are tough!  I think I’ve mentioned it before, we ought to come with detailed instruction manuals!  I watched Glee last night, I’m a recent convert to the show and this one was the “Valentine” edition.  Kurt is a gay young man, who has switched to a new school and thinks he is being wooed by another young guy, Blaine (I think that's his name).  Because of little “incidences” like asking his advice, knowing his coffee order, and singing duets, Kurt is “hooked” head over heels.  Turns out, Blaine is wooing another person and Kurt is devastated when he finds out it isn't him.  Sounds like the opening of the show….what you missed last time on Glee!

In real life, many of us (and I’m including myself in this) spend time wooing the wrong people, only to be hurt when they don’t respond in the way we would like them to.   We “pursue” the person out there and many times, the person we are "truly" looking for is right next to us!  Sometimes the person we think we want in our lives isn’t an exact fit, yet we are convinced that with our help we can help them.  Thing is, we can’t change anyone no matter what we try and if you go into a relationship, thinking you can, you and the person you are in the relationship with, may both wind up hurt!  Going back to Glee, Blaine plans this elaborate scene trying to impress this other young man, and winds up getting the guy fired from his job.  Blaine stands there as the young man tells him this, also adding that he was only being “nice” to Blaine, which Blaine had totally misinterpreted.  Blaine says to Kurt after the other guy leaves, “Did I make this whole thing up in my head?”  Meaning did I only see what I wanted to see?  BINGO!  I've done that!!!

The problem as I see it is that we have been conditioned by outside influences on what relationships should be like.  Did I mention that these glorified renditions are really fairytales?  Eventually the blossom of love fades and we are left with something that doesn’t even resemble anything we might have been remotely interested in from the start, if we hadn’t been wearing rose colored glasses.  Relationships need honesty.  I just remarked to my husband about a recent lesson I learned about people buying into the fabrications they tell as truth.  They live their lives afraid to be found out.  I’ve already blogged about the masks we wear, but it needs to be known that this really does affect our relationships.   We all seem to be afraid of being hurt.  I don’t think anyone specifically wants to hurt someone else, but when we feel vulnerable and we haven’t dealt with it, we can’t help but do what it is we don’t want to do.  This then becomes a pattern, because relationships continue to fail along the same breaking point unless we learn to mend that point within ourselves.  We may have witnessed a bad experience someone close to us has gone through and may feel that we too may go down that path.  We have to realize that’s them, not us, unless we choose it to be.  The thing is if we don’t trust ourselves, how can we trust others?  Same thing – if we don’t first love ourselves how can we possibly love someone else? Unfortunately there aren’t guarantees with people.

Relationships also need time, they need to work through the initial blossoming period, go through the drought of fading feelings, and be rejuvenated by the influx of shared experiences.  Just because two nice people co-exist, does not make a relationship a sure thing.  I believe in commitment.  A commitment is the promise to stay through tough times, to agree to disagree, but to stick around through it with the intent to work things out.  I believe all relationships require a period of adjustment, and periods of “work,” just not all the time!!!

We are missing something here though and it is really important.  What about the joy of sharing with others?  We were not put on this earth to be alone!  We need to find people in our lives who can share in our happiness, but there should be some sort of a kindred bond from the start, not just a haphazard rendezvous of bodies.  When we block the sunshine from our lives because we are afraid of the painful parts, we are also blocking happiness! 

Getting back to Glee, Kurt understanding how Blaine is chastising himself, (because Kurt had these same feelings when he thought Blaine liked him) states his feelings about how he thought that Blaine was wooing him and how hurt he was to find out he wasn’t.  This shakes Blaine up, and he admits that he knows nothing about relationships and what to do in them.  The honesty was refreshing here and poignant.  Two people sharing an unsure opportunity, and they admit it rather than faking their way and causing all kinds of havoc because of it! 

I’ll be the first to admit, right here, I can’t guarantee anything, I can put my foot in my mouth and chew on it vigorously at times, but my sincerity with my loved ones is not something my loved ones should ever question.  Proverbs 17:17 states that a Friend loves at all times!  That was and IS the way I try to live my life.  No, it doesn’t mean I don’t argue, or even shake my head in defeat when some relationships don’t work out.  Not all of them do, but I put myself out there and continue to do so and to the best of my ability, I try to maintain a spirit of loving honesty.  If people would only stop running and noticed the hands that are extended, they only need to reach out!

Looking up!~Barb

Over committed!

Have you ever had the experience of wanting to do something, but you didn’t have a clue when you would fit it into your schedule?  A friend and I were talking about spontaneity today.  I said to her that I recalled a time, when friends/neighbors would show up on your doorstep and you’d have a cup of coffee together, ok, maybe a beer or a glass a wine, would be more in keeping with my group!  Just depends on the time of day.  My friend and I were planning out the rest of our exercise week…yeah, so much for spontaneity!  Mondays look like we will work out before work on our own, then do exercise machines in the afternoon, Tuesdays, was something like running the stairs in our own homes in the morning, then running a couple of miles in the afternoons, Wednesdays was some sort of squat work out, and then taking a cardio-sculpt class in the afternoon, Thursday, again some sort of weight training in the morning and then a cycle class in the afternoon.  Fridays – I haven’t a clue what was in the morning, but we were going to swim or run in the afternoon and then on Saturdays we were going to swim laps and take a water aerobics class.  Just reading this makes me nuts and tired!  But I will fit into a smaller size by this summer because I have 2 weddings to go to back to back in June and one of them is my son’s!  By the way, in between our exercising, we work, and at least one of us gets paid to do so!  Anyone want to join us?  No?  Ah, c’mon!       

Still I have found time to read and this time in the book “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Joanna Weaver.  Joanna makes a pretty significant point about being over committed.  Now, her reference is pointed to serving God, but I think the point applies equally to anything we are over committed in!  Here it is, “have you ever found yourself involved in a multitude of activities, that initially sounded fun or worthwhile and then find yourself disgruntled or everything about the activity seems to be a struggle?”  Maybe as the author describes during one of her many volunteer ops, she finishes said activity but doesn’t feel God’s joy in her spirit.  Upon further review, God even gently says to her spirit, “that the activity was good and maybe even important, but it wasn’t My plan for you.”  She then realizes that just because an opportunity presents itself, it doesn’t mean she has to be the one to accept the responsibility for it.  In fact, by her stepping to the plate so often, she may actually be “stealing someone else’s blessing by assuming she must do it all!”  The bottom line in all of this, was to “wait” upon the Lord, to conserve energy and joy, until you are sure the opportunity is His desire for you.  If you rush in, as I seem to do, I could be up to my eyeballs in the wrong project or too tired to be able to do the one I’m supposed to do!

Case in point, another good friend made this comment to me the other day….it was about my habit of rising to challenges as the needs of people arise.  I don’t think I’m trying to “fix” the situation, but I am willing to offer an ear to listen and my hand to help if I can.  Her comment wasn’t meant to stop me from doing this as much as it was for me to be aware that people can sometimes take advantage of those always willing to help and I needed to be aware that should my “spirit” need refreshing, it would be ok to take a time out.  I am far from being wonder woman, and I’m far from being right in everything I do.  My thoughts on this are really about wanting to make a difference in people’s lives.  But the point was made and accepted.  God used her, to bring the message to my spirit!  The simple fact is, I can’t do it all!  (nor do I want to!)

So how do we hear what it is and what isn’t supposed to be God’s will for us?  It is kind of like when I start reading and then end up blogging.  I begin by getting quiet and as I read, a thought about something I’ve read grabs a hold of me.  I usually stop reading, haul out the laptop and before I know it, it has written itself (maybe it shows!)  While I share these online, I also am printing them out with the hope that somewhere down the road, when Brent and Brooke are wondering who the heck I was, they can take some comfort in my anecdotal musings.  I can hear them groaning now…. “Oh Mom!”

I’ll end with 2 brief stories.  Nancy and I use to walk the track at our local YMCA and this was before she got sick.  One of our conversations was about legacies and wondering what they would be.  I don’t know that we ever finished that conversation, and shortly thereafter she got pancreatic cancer.  As I delivered her eulogy, I remarked how I thought her legacy was one of love and family and commitment, and rising to the challenges without compromising her integrity.

Just last week, another friend of mine, had a health scare, also thought to be pancreatic cancer.  Thankfully, it was not!  She remarked after finding out that she did not have PC, (she is also a breast cancer survivor), that she was relieved because she still had so much she wanted to do!

So, what will our legacies look like?  Endless exercise schedules, 50+ hour work weeks, over committed problem solvers, overachievers, underachievers or will we find ourselves refreshed knowing that we heard God’s plan for us and responded to His call as He wanted us to.

What day of the week is it?  What is it I’m supposed to be doing?  Maybe another cup of coffee and some quiet time is in order!!

Looking up!~ Barb

The Journey

Over the weekend, I read a book called “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy.  It is the story of a man and his son, walking in a post apocalyptic world, which must have been the result of a nuclear bomb.  The entire book is set in scenery of gray ash and them walking through it.  There’s no color other than the gray of the day and the utter blackness of night.  There is no plant life, animal life, and very little human life.  Of the human life left, some are “good” meaning they haven’t turned to being cannibals.  The “bad” have.  I have no earthly idea why I continued to read this book, other than to say that once I start something I do try to finish.  This book left me feeling sad, depressed and what I took away from this book was the feeling of utter hopelessness.  I then went on to equate this to anyone living today, who lives without the hope of knowing that God exists and He loves and cares for each of us.  We need to turn from this abject hopelessness to Him and ask His forgiveness and be welcomed into His world.  I wonder if that book was a description of hell?  I certainly DON’T want to find out!

From there, I went to reading our bible study “Breaking Free, the journey of the stories” by Beth Moore.  In Week 9, day 2 we are learning about how to go about demolishing strongholds.  “When we try to break a stronghold of our own strength, we wind up feeling powerless and totally defeated.” Boy, if this didn’t sound like the book I just read.  In thinking about the strongholds in my own life….I realized that I’m generally surrounded by a “fear” of the unknown.  Giving into fear, is pride rationalizing my desire to try.  Thing is, is the fear one of failure, OR one of success?  Any area in life where I feel I might be tested and not fare well, is an area I let Satan into and he deceives me into giving up before I try, usually by convincing me I can’t do it…..whatever it represents.  But fear of failure?   The Song “the Rose” has a line in it……about being “so afraid of dying, we never learn to live”.  If that isn’t an eye opener.  I don’t think I’m afraid of dying…..but, am I really living?…. abundantly?  If not, why not?  Success, means stepping out and maybe having to change, which then might alter the “safety net” I’ve grown accustomed to.  I’m now seeing a pattern of excuses.  I either want to or I don’t want to, but by giving an excuse, I’ve allowed myself to whine about wanting something, BUT wanting it without doing any work to get it.  Wow!  Or maybe better stated as “ouch!”

Which leads me to my next thought.  We worry too much about the future, we spend too much time in the past and completely forget that we are only guaranteed the present.  So, if this is the last 24 hours of our lives…..what do we WANT to do with it.  I certainly don’t want to be wasting time saying, could’a, would’a, should’a.  Worry IS NOT living, by the way!  What I see now, and plan to put into operation is that I need to commit to the journey and stop romantizing the destination.  Meaning, by applying the saying, once I get ____________ then I will start to live.  I also need to apply the idea, it’s not about me.  While I need to do “my” part, the end result is whether I was a positive or a negative cog in the wheel.  Did I help, encourage or was I a distraction, a naysayer, but the end is about whether or not the wheel was able to turn and move in a positive direction.

We all seem to wait for the destination to appear on the horizon, but all too often, the destination becomes a mirage.  If you use retirement as an example, hasn’t the economy changed your ability to feel secure in it?  What about those whose health seemingly deteriorates either just before, or immediately after that “date?”  The point I’m trying to make is that we should stop waiting on the destination, we need to enjoy the journey!

Today is the first day of the rest of your journey, make the most of it!

Looking up! ~ Barb

I Care

Don’t you sometimes wonder

If there is anyone out there

Anyone feeling what you feel

Someone willing to just share?

Don’t you sometimes wonder

If there is anyone else aware

Of the turmoil you feel deep inside

Sometimes so difficult to alone bear?

Don’t you sometimes wonder

If anyone would at least dare

To try and comprehend when

Understanding seems so rare?

Sometimes I wonder

As I to try find a place where

I could place in huge letters

The sign that says “I care!”