Relationships

Relationships are tough!  I think I’ve mentioned it before, we ought to come with detailed instruction manuals!  I watched Glee last night, I’m a recent convert to the show and this one was the “Valentine” edition.  Kurt is a gay young man, who has switched to a new school and thinks he is being wooed by another young guy, Blaine (I think that's his name).  Because of little “incidences” like asking his advice, knowing his coffee order, and singing duets, Kurt is “hooked” head over heels.  Turns out, Blaine is wooing another person and Kurt is devastated when he finds out it isn't him.  Sounds like the opening of the show….what you missed last time on Glee!

In real life, many of us (and I’m including myself in this) spend time wooing the wrong people, only to be hurt when they don’t respond in the way we would like them to.   We “pursue” the person out there and many times, the person we are "truly" looking for is right next to us!  Sometimes the person we think we want in our lives isn’t an exact fit, yet we are convinced that with our help we can help them.  Thing is, we can’t change anyone no matter what we try and if you go into a relationship, thinking you can, you and the person you are in the relationship with, may both wind up hurt!  Going back to Glee, Blaine plans this elaborate scene trying to impress this other young man, and winds up getting the guy fired from his job.  Blaine stands there as the young man tells him this, also adding that he was only being “nice” to Blaine, which Blaine had totally misinterpreted.  Blaine says to Kurt after the other guy leaves, “Did I make this whole thing up in my head?”  Meaning did I only see what I wanted to see?  BINGO!  I've done that!!!

The problem as I see it is that we have been conditioned by outside influences on what relationships should be like.  Did I mention that these glorified renditions are really fairytales?  Eventually the blossom of love fades and we are left with something that doesn’t even resemble anything we might have been remotely interested in from the start, if we hadn’t been wearing rose colored glasses.  Relationships need honesty.  I just remarked to my husband about a recent lesson I learned about people buying into the fabrications they tell as truth.  They live their lives afraid to be found out.  I’ve already blogged about the masks we wear, but it needs to be known that this really does affect our relationships.   We all seem to be afraid of being hurt.  I don’t think anyone specifically wants to hurt someone else, but when we feel vulnerable and we haven’t dealt with it, we can’t help but do what it is we don’t want to do.  This then becomes a pattern, because relationships continue to fail along the same breaking point unless we learn to mend that point within ourselves.  We may have witnessed a bad experience someone close to us has gone through and may feel that we too may go down that path.  We have to realize that’s them, not us, unless we choose it to be.  The thing is if we don’t trust ourselves, how can we trust others?  Same thing – if we don’t first love ourselves how can we possibly love someone else? Unfortunately there aren’t guarantees with people.

Relationships also need time, they need to work through the initial blossoming period, go through the drought of fading feelings, and be rejuvenated by the influx of shared experiences.  Just because two nice people co-exist, does not make a relationship a sure thing.  I believe in commitment.  A commitment is the promise to stay through tough times, to agree to disagree, but to stick around through it with the intent to work things out.  I believe all relationships require a period of adjustment, and periods of “work,” just not all the time!!!

We are missing something here though and it is really important.  What about the joy of sharing with others?  We were not put on this earth to be alone!  We need to find people in our lives who can share in our happiness, but there should be some sort of a kindred bond from the start, not just a haphazard rendezvous of bodies.  When we block the sunshine from our lives because we are afraid of the painful parts, we are also blocking happiness! 

Getting back to Glee, Kurt understanding how Blaine is chastising himself, (because Kurt had these same feelings when he thought Blaine liked him) states his feelings about how he thought that Blaine was wooing him and how hurt he was to find out he wasn’t.  This shakes Blaine up, and he admits that he knows nothing about relationships and what to do in them.  The honesty was refreshing here and poignant.  Two people sharing an unsure opportunity, and they admit it rather than faking their way and causing all kinds of havoc because of it! 

I’ll be the first to admit, right here, I can’t guarantee anything, I can put my foot in my mouth and chew on it vigorously at times, but my sincerity with my loved ones is not something my loved ones should ever question.  Proverbs 17:17 states that a Friend loves at all times!  That was and IS the way I try to live my life.  No, it doesn’t mean I don’t argue, or even shake my head in defeat when some relationships don’t work out.  Not all of them do, but I put myself out there and continue to do so and to the best of my ability, I try to maintain a spirit of loving honesty.  If people would only stop running and noticed the hands that are extended, they only need to reach out!

Looking up!~Barb