Light

John 8:12 states that Jesus said to the people, "I am the Light of the World. If you follow me, you won’t be stumbling through the darkness because you will have the light that brings you life.
It’s been 2 months since I called hospice in for my husband. A signaling to the outside world and an admittance to myself and our kids, that Bruce’s time on this earth was drawing to a close. Since that time, I have felt enveloped in a soul darkness. Last evening as I stood outside in the chilled, no make that downright cold air of the night, the moon was full and the sky was clear and I was enthralled by the picture depicted. I wanted to capture that picture, to gaze on it as needed.

Various members of my family have had the good fortune of having "Bruce" sightings, of which I am envious. My best friend is moving ahead with her career. And I’m left to wonder, what will become of me! I am in a way, envious of those who have life, while I sit and wonder about my own. I understand that this is the time that I am to grieve, but in busying myself with the periphery of life, I’ve also blocked myself from the light.

This morning, I awoke, grabbed a cup of coffee, my Bible and a blanket – it is still cold outside, after all… and sat in one of my rockers. The verse that kept coming to me was "I am the Light of the World…" I sat there taking in the sunrise and as the day dawned, the meaning of that verse took shape in my mind.

God gave us his Son. Humans only understand the world in the tangibles. Son = Sun. It is always when simplifying and becoming childlike that we are able to draw close to God. As I sat out there freezing my butt off, I watched as the sun formed its path, not across the sky, but across the dew on the grass and the fallen leaves on the ground. The sparkle of the sun on those leaves lit up the pathway in my mind. The only commandment is to love. Love others, but what about loving self?
Following Christ is searching and finding the simplicity of following the trail created by the sun. Sun = Son.

I looked upwards at this point and scanned a nearby tree. The bark was interesting, (oh no my daughter would be thinking….here goes Mom and her discussion of treebark! LOL). What I also took in were the scars along the way, where dead branches had fallen off and were healed over. Midway up there was a solitary twig with a leaf on it…reaching for the sun. When my gaze hit the top of the tree crowned in its slowly fading glory, it hit me. The Light that leads to life. Even the trees get it!
Jesus said to the people, "I am the Light of the World. If you follow me, you won’t be stumbling around in the darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life. The operative word is "if". "If" a seemingly insignificant word that opens up the way for us. It is a choice that allows for possiblity.

Looking up!
Barb

I’ve been there for others in their time of need and now, when I am at a low point, it has been pointed out to me that I am not measuring up, I’ve changed. Maybe not in those exact words, but similarly stated. My "change" has not been out of ill-will, but instead from my own need to re-charge. I am not some superhuman force and just as I was thinking that there was something wrong with my perception, I came across this sentence, from "The Lazarus Life" by Stephen W. Smith.
"Study might be a part of community, but vulnerability is an even more important part. Vulnerability means a certain kind of soul nakedness."
What Steve is referring to is the Biblical story of Lazarus as he is being transformed from death back to life. I highly recommend you read the story, but to cut to the chase, Jesus shows up, after His buddy, Lazarus dies. Oh, and by the way, He (Jesus) was purposely late! Anyway, He shows up and is at the tomb of His friend, when He performs a miracle, asking Lazarus to come forth. (In today’s vernacular – get up and c’mon down!). Lazarus comes from the depths of the tomb, more or less mummified, he’s been in there a couple of days and he’s been wrapped up! Now, as the story goes, Jesus did the miracle (raising Lazarus from the dead), but He expects us to do the things we can do (unwrap Lazarus from the mummifying cloths). Did I mention, because Lazarus had been dead a few days, he was stinky?
What I absolutely love about Steve’s book is that he can take the grave clothes of Lazarus and make me see that the vulnerabilities I’m facing are similar. The things that cause me to feel shame, fear rejection, or doubt my self-worth are every bit as unpleasant as unwrapping a body that has been decomposing. The question then becomes, who do I trust enough to gently and lovingly help me unwrap the areas of my life that keep me from being all that God has met for me to be? And that, is the dirty business of unwrapping life’s problems within our communities.
In essence, I have finally figured out a huge piece of MY puzzle and it has everything to do with how I relate to others. The better my relationship is with someone, the more honest the vulnerability factor. Scary stuff! I never "push" people into opening up, because for the most part, people are afraid to be that open. I have seen first hand those who "want" a close relationship and yet hide behind masks, not comprehending that their fear is what holds them back from a more meaningful one. I have had people tell me on different occasions that they never share everything about themselves for whatever reasons and that’s fine, if that is the way they feel. Unfortunately, it can and does affect the relationship. My strongest and closest friendships are with people who are willing to honor me with the acceptance of my vulnerabilities. The key being that it is in the sharing of each other’s vulnerabilities. As Steve writes "Oh, for such a friend." And he absolutely nails it!
He goes on to say that "we each bring something to our relationships that hinders us. Yet, we set high standards for others and "arrive" (name a place) with expectations that often lead to disappointment. Over the years we develop a long litany of disappointments with people." Can you think of anyone who has disappointed you? Are you a disappointment to anyone? At this point, I know I am! I even know why and it has to do with the perception of standards set for me.
This made me take my blinders off. What do I want? And it isn’t just a selfish question and to boot, I don’t know that anyone has ever asked me that?!! In essence, I want to be loved the way I love others. I don’t want to conform to anyone else’s set of rigid standards, but instead want to share (key word there) and enjoy life with those I love. I want less schedules and more spontaneity and if that sounds irresponsible then I guess I won’t be spontaneous with whomever is thinking that. Instead of looking for all the wrongs of something, let’s instead look for the rights. I want deep, honest and soul-filled relationships with those willing to share the nurturing duties. I can’t do one-sided anymore, unfortunately, I’ve reached the burn-out stage.
　
Looking up!
Barb

Taking a stand

The elections are over, no, my "guy" didn’t win, so I pray that these next four years are ones where we really look at where we are headed as a nation. My heart is torn I am aggrieved. We have become a nation of misfits, with one group competing against another, as if the men who lead our "teams" are the demi-god who will "fix" what ails us. Wake up people. No one can fix us unless we first choose to be fixed! I’m tired of the blaming, because either side can support their claim. I personally and professionally am NOT better off than I was 4 years ago. The economy decimated our business until there was no business and now I’m closing said business and without the companionship of my husband who loved it!
As I was praying this morning, I asked God to guide me to what He wanted me to read. I asked that He stop me when He wanted to make His point and then help me recognize what that point was. I wound up in the book of Isaiah. Chapter 1 verses 1 – 9. Verse 1 – God is asking that we listen to Him, that He has spoken. Contextually, God allows events to take place; He allows the people free will because to force us to love Him and to abide by His "rule" would be to "FORCE" us to follow His plan. That isn’t love….love does not FORCE or think "its" way superior. It continues that God "reared" His children, brought them up and they have rebelled against me. Interestingly it continues that the "donkey" knows His owner’s manger, but the people don’t understand. Is it just my take on the symbolism of the donkey and people not understanding?
Verse 4 continues about our sinful nature, about us being a people loaded with guilt, our being corrupted and our turning our backs on what is just. Let me interject here. Biblically speaking, Jesus commands us to take care of the poor and the widowed. When today’s poor has I-Phones, and can buy cigarettes and alcohol with food stamps and then get into a late model car and drive off, I think we’ve misunderstood the concept of poor. I’m not making this up; I hear this from those who work in the supermarkets. Define poor! I just read a theory on facebook, it had to do with a poppy and its height and how no one poppy should be able to stand taller than another, so it gets chopped down. Really?? In human terms I stand 5’8", does that mean that anyone shorter than me has the right to whack me down to their size? Well, the same applies to our finances….if you think about it.
Sorry, off target. Verses 5- 6 talk about how we’ve been beaten up and the condition of our bodies showing our wounds and welts and open sores that have not been cleaned. Again, it strikes me that rather than fix our country’s problems we just put the Band-Aids of promises on them. Unfortunately if we don’t get to the root of the problem and stop the chaos, we only build on it and it will fester and then, as I fear, we will witness first hand our own "fall of the Roman Empire."
Verse 7 – our country is desolate, our cities burn with fire, our fields are being stripped by foreigners right before our eyes and laid waste as when overthrown by strangers. Don’t believe me? I’m directly quoting the NIV Bible and it continues to go on to say unless we allow for some survivors (as allowed by the Lord) to infiltrate our mess, we will wind up like Sodom and Gomorrah.
I’m not blaming a President. I’m blaming a society that is too afraid to stand up on its own to feet and take back what we are losing at breakneck speed. We’ve allowed ourselves to be lazy. We’re no longer in the game; we’re watching it on our boob tubes reacting as armchair quarterbacks. I always find it interesting when someone in the movie industry becomes the spokesman for the people in regard to politics. Good grief….really? They are "actors" – and they need to be "liked" so that we will pay exorbitant amounts of money to watch them play other people. Now don’t get me wrong, I love movies as much as anyone….I just don’t put my politics in their laps and vote their opinions. We need to read and gather our own information. We need fair and unbiased media and we don’t have that – everyone seems to have an agenda….both sides. Truthfully I don’t know who to trust other than God!
The bottom line, and I’m am making my stand, the Bible is the book with the answers but too often too many of us are afraid of what it says and how it will affect our lives. We choose to put blinders on and say that all that bad stuff applies to others not to us. Sorry, but none of us is exempt from the final exam! Last thought. We have done horrible things in the name of religion! Religion is about doing. God’s grace (love) is NOT about doing, it is about accepting. I don’t do religion. I choose to have a relationship with our Lord! There’s a difference and it is huge. The Pharisees and Sadducees "did" religion and they abused their power. Jesus came to save the ones who were less than perfect and that is where I fall. Do you recognize where you are?
Looking up!Barb