I surrender or did I?

How do you know if you are convicted?

Last night at a woman’s Bible study I struggled with the right words to ask this question.  Interestingly, the right words popped out at me this morning, from commentary by Joyce Meyer.  She said, and I quote “I lived a defeated life for many years simply because I was not fully surrendered.  I accepted Jesus as Savior; I had enough Jesus to stay out of hell, but I had not accepted Him as my Lord in every detail of my life; I had not accepted enough of Him to walk in victory – and there is a difference.

These words showed me my lack of conviction.  Ouch! Ouch and ouch again.

What constitutes a defeated life?  Well, should I describe some of the attributes of mine?  Prideful, fearful, doubting, obsessing about control or lack of it, I can go on, but that ol’ prideful thing stands in the way!

The commentary also stated that any area of our lives that we hold separate from God, is an area where we cannot be filled with His Spirit.  Reworded – any area that we hold separate from God remains dark.  The specifics – “your time is His; your money is His; as are your gifts and talents, your family, your career, thoughts, attitudes and desires.  He wants to be involved in every area of your life; how you dress, the friends you choose, what you do for entertainment, what you eat….and so on.”

I realize that all of the above has been stated and restated.  I’ve read it over and over, but finally, the light bulb is coming on for me.  You see, as Joyce stated above, I believe I have enough Jesus in me to stay out of hell, but I’m not living in victory.  Victory should be feeling buoyant, not overwhelmed.  Joy should be expressed in your walk, your talk, your eyes but unfortunately for many, myself included, the problems of the day (I was going to say world, but I need to start smaller) show up in our posture, our gait and the deadness in our eyes.  As a photography student, I am especially drawn to my subject’s eyes. Do you see the sparkle knowing that they are engaged and you can look into their souls?  Or do people’s eyes seem flat, disconnected?

So, I asked, how do you fully surrender?  I don’t think my problem is that I haven’t tried, it is more that I find myself giving but taking it back.  I have definitely come to understand surrendering control in some aspects, you can’t lose loved ones and not comprehend the loss of control you feel.  I can even say at this point after 17 months, that I am at peace knowing that I have added 3 more souls to my treasures in heaven.  Surrendering to acceptance of that is huge!  But I think my question of surrender is deeper than that!  How does one agree to open their hands to what hasn’t yet taken place?  God gives us the choice of free will, and He gives us a mind and somehow Satan gets into the mix and we become hoarders of the imagination, ie – The What Ifs, the saving for a rainy day, the you better plan ahead mentality.  And all these put the dependence on me, myself and I, rather than in trusting that God is the sole provider of everything in our lives!

This is the stuff I’m talking about, the non-victorious way of life that confounds me daily.  The advice given, talk to God.  Read His word.  Surround yourself with others doing the same thing.  Good advice!  God says that in our weakness, He is strong.  I thought I was doing all that!  The problem is that I’m too busy to listen, to settle myself to hear what is being said!  Anyone?  My coffee cup says around its rim “Peace, be still” does anyone see the oxymoron in that?  Caffeine and be still just shouldn’t even be in the same sentence!

Finally, at the end of the commentary Joyce states “Complete surrender to God brings good change into our lives.  Surrendering to Him actually opens the door to the things we desire, and yet we waste our time and energy trying to obtain access to them in our own way.”

I pray that God reaches into all of our hearts and allows us each to have the eyes of our hearts opened in such a way, that we become convicted of the need to surrender, once and for all, those things we keep hidden.  “For Jesus said to the people, “I am the Light of the world, if you CHOOSE to follow me, you won’t be stumbling in darkness, for you will have the light of life.”

Now, I wait in hopeful expectancy, that from my heart to His, He will see my desire to surrender all, once and for all and that I will be allowed to walk in victory and joy!

Looking up!

The Chains that Bind us

I just purchased a new devotional in the last few days and today’s reading left me in awe.  The biblical contribution was from 2 Timothy1 v. 16 and it detailed the tale of a friendship.  “May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not afraid of my chains.”

I stand (ok, I’m sitting) before all, and say that I am guilty, guilty because I use to be one and on occasion am still one who is afraid of guilt by association, of those who differ from me.  I have, although I ask God daily to show me the way out of the judgment seat I sometimes find myself in, held others to a standard of my own choosing, rather than let them be the masterpiece of the Creator. 

The more I live, the more I better grasp that no one is exactly like another.  And it is in each individual’s uniqueness that I find myself able to learn the value of life.  Losing 4 significant people who helped to shape me into the person I am, leaves an impression.  The loss of even just one life, if it is allowed, can change you to being more sensitive to those around you.  Sometimes we hold too tight to what we have or have had, to be able to get through the day....I get that, but in the grasp or grip of terror, that something else might be forever taken away, what are we not able to accept because our hand is fisted?  Life is fluid, not stagnant.  I know only too well, the desire to go back to what once was, but you see, I can't and while that makes me sad, being held captive to what was, only serves to keep me despondent.  We all question situations, but we must be careful that we not paint ourselves into a corner with no way out.  And yes, I am aware that it works both ways, but ultimately the decisions we make are our own.

I’ve recently been watching Downton Abbey.  In season 3, the housemaid Ethel becomes a prostitute after being rejected for having had a bastard son with an army officer, who was only too willing until consequences played out.  The “cook” from the neighboring household refuses to stay in the employment of the lady of the house because she doesn’t want to tarnish her reputation, whereby the lady of the house, bids her good day, sticking up for the young mother, (who has left the profession trying to get her life back in order) in the manner much like that stated in 2 Timothy 1 v.16.  The young mother is getting a second chance, but the cook, stands in judgment believing she is in the right and thinking the Lady of the house will side with her.  Surprised?  Why?  Didn't Jesus do the same thing with Mary Magdalene?  If He forgives, what right do we have NOT to?  He has forgiven us...time and time again.  I'm beyond grateful!

Whether we know it or not, we are all bound by chains.  We may just happen to think our chains are more respectable than someone else’s and I’m sorry to say, that is only true in our own eyes.  I am not some holier than thou person, but I have had my eyes opened to the plight of discrimination that has nothing to do with any of the usual contexts (color, age, sex).  Discrimination of any flavor is not becoming and then I find in my saying that, I become guilty yet again for my own judging attitude!  Filters can and do change the picture.

Lord, my prayer is that we each learn to accept and appreciate the masterpieces of humanity that you have created.  Let the troubled find their way to you.  Let the Jesus in me, learn to respect the Jesus in them, because when we do not allow it, we are saying that we have the right to judge another’s character, without knowing all that has gone into its shaping. 

Lord, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and do with me as thy wilt.  Release me from the bondage of self, so that I may better do THY will.  Take away my difficulties so that they may bear witness to those I would help of Thy love, Thy power and Thy way of life!  May I do Thy will always!

 

Looking up!

Barb