Today is Valentine’s Day and I woke up this morning thinking about salad dressing and relationships. I know it is an odd combination but I hope you will bear with me on this one. I seem to blog all the time about relationships and that is because next to God, it is what I think is most important in this world. Some people might disagree thinking that what they do for a living is more important. And so I will begin my story.
Let’s start with oil representing one type of person and water representing the other. When oil and water are mixed together, even when vigorously shaken, when left to settle, they still separate. Their properties have nothing in common. Some may think this is the difference between men and women, I feel it is the difference between everyone. No two people are alike! They may share similarities, but God formed each of us individually.
Now, if we add vinegar to the above combination we are onto something. I am allowing vinegar to represent the catalyst in breaking down the elements of both oil and water. Vinegar is the “work” behind our relationships, and by this I mean the actual physical elements of work. Some examples would be calling each other, giving a back massage, talking, listening etc. you know, the actual physical things one does to be in a relationship. These things can be perfunctory, we can do these things by rote, on automatic pilot!! Even with the addition of these things, something is still missing to allow the relationship to be complete.
That something I’m calling the “Good Seasonings" TM and for all intent and purposes in this blog it means love. "Good Seasons"TM is a type of dry salad dressing mix (for those who don’t know what I’m talking about) that comes in a packet. It is the “right” amount of herbs and spices and I am using it as an example of God’s knowledge of what it takes to make a relationship work together and be flavorful.
To make the perfect salad dressing, and I just actually did the measurements on this one; one has to mix ¼ cup of vinegar, with a ¼ cup of water and a ½ cup of oil with a packet of the "Good Seasons" TM mix. After vigorously shaking this mixture, it needs to “chill” or rest to allow time for the herbs and spices to blend. The thing is, if you look at it, you will notice that the oil and water still separate even after this mixture has been shaken.
Years ago, I read a magazine article entitled “One Small Death”. Unfortunately I don’t recall the author''s name or the magazine I took it from and I don’t know when, but somewhere in moving, I lost this very telling story. I will paraphrase what I remember. Every time we are "less than" in our relationships we cause a crack to open up. (Less than honest, less than a partner, less than present) As the author of the article states, it causes one small death. Left on its own, without healing, this crack continues to exist. Each subsequent argument/disappointment in the relationship then causes yet another small death until the crack that has been left open deteriorates into a chasm. Some people can co-exist this way, many don’t and divorce, it all depends on the size of the chasm.
The analogy of my "Good Seasons"TM salad dressing mixture is that we can alternate between being the oil or the water in our relationships, meaning sometimes one gives more than the other at different times, but the work (vinegar) and the “Good Seasons”TM packet (God’s special blend) have to be measured out specifically to create the right flavor for our salad. Yes, we will be shaken up and by all accounts daily, but this is a good thing, because it means that we get to be re-blended.
For years I have worked with my husband, in fact almost every day for the last 16 years. Some people marvel at this, I’ve heard a lot of people say they couldn’t do it. I don’t think Bruce and I are anything out of the ordinary and believe me, we are oil and water every day! He definitely has his idea of how he wants to run the business and while it is our business, it is His passion. Me on the other hand, I am most concerned about the relationships in our lives, both family and friends. When I sense someone in need, that is where my passion directs me. It took a while for Bruce to understand and accept this about me. It hasn’t always been easy and sometimes it has caused small deaths in our relationship. Time and the addition of "Good Seasons"TM has allowed us to heal these occurences. By the way that doesn't mean I'm not interested in our business or he isn't interested in our relationships!! Just want to clarify that!!!
And then just this morning, I read something that sums this all up for me. It was about rules. God gave us the Ten Commandments as a basis for us to live by, the Pharisees of the day decided to add to those rules, thinking that if some rules were good, then more would be even better. Thing is, the Pharisees missed the point and the point was sharing God’s love. If we only follow the rules, without love we have nothing. If we love first, then we automatically want to do what is kind and loving which is what the original rules represented. I use to be very linear meaning following by the book, following the rules. What I’ve learned is that I need to be shaken up like the salad dressing so that I can be 3D with my seasonings being blended together.
Too much oil or too much water will make any relationship either slippery or bland. We need the vinegar to break us down and definitely need God’s special seasoning mix. Look at the relationships around you. I see many who are afraid of commitments because they have tried to breach one too many chasms. If they try again and fail, they might totally lose and that is too scary to even think about. The only answer I can suggest is to try and find where the mixture of the relationship got out of whack. I have a feeling that whatever follows behind the “too much” rule is what the problem is. Some work too much, others give too much, or need too much. Too much is not a good thing, we need the right blend if we want to be successful. Final thought, you know why “too much” is a problem in our lives? I have a feeling it is because somewhere along the line we have been dealing with feeling too little so we wind up overcompensating! Too much house, too much car, too many material possessions mean too much work, which means too much stress which equates to too much yelling, too much eating, too much drinking and/or too little time doing the loving thing. Need evidence of too much? Look at how it has affected your relationships with your significant others (spouses, children, family and friends)! We give too many material things to make up for the one thing we don't give enough of......and that one thing is TIME. Jesus says the road is wide but the entrance is narrow and what I've taken that to mean is that I have to be willing to sacrifice my "wants" for His needs and that is really difficult! If anyone thinks my finger points at them, just remember, there are 3 other fingers pointing back at me!!! Let's shake it up!
Looking up!~
Barb
No comments:
Post a Comment