What do you say?

What do you say, when someone you care about is facing grief so profound?  What words might you possibly string together that might touch their heavy hearts?   I went in search for a meaningful card for a friend whose son just passed away last week.  I stumbled upon a website, the artist Michael Noyes, practices the art of calligraphy and one of his cards stood out in its simplicity and seemed the perfect choice.  It read "Tears are prayers too."  The story behind this card was about the tragic death of their child, with the mother saying to the father, "I just can't pray; I don't know what to say."  This was his reply.  If you google this artist, you can see his work, and I actually am so touched by this sentiment, I will probably buy this print.

This card, in its simplicity speaks volumes to me.  Sometimes there just aren't words.  The thoughts that keep swirling in my mind were the ones surrounding the times when Jesus wept.  Twice this is mentioned in the Bible, but the one that stands out in my mind was the death of Lazarus.  If the God of this universe is willing to put on human flesh, and come take on our troubles enough to weep, it proves to me that God is concerned about our individual welfare.  He didn't have to; He did it though.  He cried, because of what He felt.

Some people go to great lengths to block what they feel.  I don't know why, maybe out of fear?  The older I get, the more I am moved by the things that I do see and hear.  I am not a public cryer, and yet, I have felt tears cascading down my cheeks in church, or when I see or read about an injustice.  Music is the most usual cause for me though, sometimes its the melodies and other times the lyrics, they just seem to speak to my soul!

When someone is struggling, it makes some people uncomfortable and they don't know what to say or do.  Noone teaches you how to deal with this, unfortunately it just seems like a life lesson and no two people do it alike.  Some people are private and to have to share their grief is too public an option.  They feel self-conscious and exposed.  In the middle of their grief, they have to somehow reign in their feelings to face the world and this is sometimes just more difficult than dealing with the grief itself.  Others wear their emotions in plain sight.  Both need to be comforted, but we have to learn to read their styles and not force our ways onto them.

What do you say?  Sometimes it is just your (silent) presence that is required, other times a hug, but the best thing to do is to let them lead, they may just need to say what is in their hearts.   What I like about "Tears are prayers too!" is that it encompasses the inconceiveable.  When I think about 9/11, I still cry.  I personally look at tears, as a source of healing, in fact a very moving song that I love is entitled "Healing Rain" by Michael W. Smith.  Pent up emotions cause us stress.  Our bodies weren't built for the stresses we encounter daily.  The result of stress is disease.  Crying releases the pent up emotions in us, both joyous and sad tears, thus the healing restorative powers that this song mentions.  You may not find the right words, but by being present, you provide not only the hug, but two shoulders to help catch those tears!

Finally, this is written in memory of the young man, who shall remain nameless to protect my friend's privacy. 

Looking up!~ Barb