Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!  As I stand on the cold kitchen floor, barefooted, up before the rest of the household, (so what else is new?) listening as the coffee percolates in its drip maker, I have a few quiet moments to reflect on all the blessings in my life.  By the way, I can say percolate just because I like the sound of it!  All too soon, the house will erupt in the chaos of a Ryan traditional family Thanksgiving, which starts with sleepy-eyed relatives descending on the quiet, looking for that first jolt of coffee and then OJ, nibbling whatever for breakfast and then all of us cramming into the least number of cars to roll out to do the annual Turkey Trot 5k.  The runners , and our numbers in this household seem to be dwindling, and walkers, those numbers are up, finish in an hour’s time, take our annual shot, no it’s not liquor but a family photo and then we re-fold our bodies back into our subcompacts and journey our way over the river….ok, creeks…..somewhere and through the woods – ok our backyard and start the preparation of the feast.  Once the feast is in the oven, and I always marvel at this part…….(married to a kitchen designer and being one myself, why we didn’t go for double ovens is beyond me!) we head outside to enjoy the cool crisp snap of November air as we play cornhole or walk the dogs.  This year will be no different.  I anticipate with glee this holiday of purported dysfunction.  For it is in the lack of perfection that I find I am most blessed.  There is always lots of laughter and for this day, at least, I am well aware of all the good things surrounding me.  Family, friends, health, a wonderfully aromatic kitchen – oops is that the turkey burning…..hold on……..ok, false alarm.

Well, to wind this up, I have learned over this past year, that I can only live life one day at a time and in each day, God has wonderfully made each of us.  He has hidden caveats of buried treasure in each of us and when we finally realize that when we slow down, we can see God in the details.  Years ago, I read a passage that to this day sticks with me. 

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.
--- Max Ehrmann, 1927

Wishing you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving!

Looking up!

Barb

Attitudes

What has happened to us?  Us meaning society, as a whole – we are so self-centered, and worried about somebody taking advantage of us that we don’t trust anyone.  Added to that is the idea of us wanting it all, but our wanting it at our convenience and we think the world should revolve around our individual schedules, regardless of anyone else’s time constraints.  Why is it that over and over again, the same people stand in the expectation stance, you know, the one that has them with their hands on their hips, foot tapping impatiently and the look on their face implying the question,  well?!  Interestingly, I am finding that those who consistently find fault with others are the biggest offenders of the stance.  They stand with their wrist out looking at their watches, speaking of busy schedules and lapse into a diatribe when life happens to others and it throws them off their day.  Really?  Has life never happened to these people?  Have things not come up that distract them from what it is that they normally do, that they can’t give someone the benefit of the doubt?  Maybe someone got sick, or was in an accident, maybe someone died or maybe they just were having a bad day and made a mistake or forgot.  S**t happens.  Life happens.  Get over it already!

My husband and I have been in the service industry for the past 16 years.  We own our own kitchen and bath company and to the very best of our ability we have met the deadlines we have promised to keep.  When renovating a kitchen, we have been able to maintain a schedule of being in and out of homes in 10 working days, barring any problems.  That’s replacing cabinets, countertops, tile, electric, plumbing etc.  Over the years there have been very few problems, but that is not to say that life doesn’t happen occasionally and we go over by a day or two.  As the economy has soured, I am finding so have people’s expectations.   When I think of some of the comments heard, it reminds me of the song the Rose, and in particular the line that states – “there are some who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give.”

For so many years, we have tried very hard to give our best and I don’t say that for any kudos, my husband, more so than myself, is generous to a fault when it comes to business dealings.  I am not knocking myself (after all I am the book keeper so unfortunately my eye always is seeing the bottom line), instead my generosity shows itself in what I am able to do to help others relationally, again, not a kudo point.  Recently though, I have felt under attack- almost as if I am (we are) to blame for something wanted that we are unable to give.  It is crunch time for us in our business, in this economy, and it is a lonely venture, with far too many questions and way too few answers.

People appeal to our giving nature, and we readily agree because that has been our disposition.  Last night I said to Bruce, that I felt sad, that in essence I felt like we were going to have to change our giving tendencies because I was feeling the weight of those taking advantage, which is what started the opening statement – What has become of us?

Where is the generosity of spirit, of neighbor helping neighbor, or for some, families helping families?  I will be quite truthful, today I’m not sure who I would be able to go to if I needed help, because I might interfere with someone’s busy life.  I’ve never been a tit for tat person, I don’t help with a you owe me attitude.  Never have, never want to.   Biblically speaking this attitude is even mentioned in the end times, in 2 Timothy 3:2 it states “For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.”

Other words used interchangeably were arrogant, abusive, selfish, bragging, and unthankful.  Does this resonate with anyone else?

For some, this economy has not had much of an effect on their lives.  Their jobs are intact, maybe not with all the raises or perks, but they are basically secure in their day-to-day lives.  For others, including us, this has been extremely trying and I’m not trying to cry the blues, I’m just stating the facts.  What appalls me is how people are unaware of the plights of others and whether or not they realize it, they kick people while they are down.  I’m not sure if this is on purpose or in their subconscious, nonetheless, it still “hurts.”  Whether or not we are aware, we have more or less become a smug society and that is said with emphasis on it being a sliding scale.

I hope I’ve ruffled some feathers with this post, not because I am anyone of significance, but instead to try to shake up our me and mine first attitudes.  God has called us to live in community, not solitude.  Who might you offer a kind word to?  We are coming up to Thanksgiving – what might you do for someone else?  At the very least, we should all take a moment to appreciate the lives we have been given.  Final thought – when we ask God to give us more, did we ever stop to think of all that we already have and complain about?  Might you ever think that God might say, “Why should I give you more……to complain about that too?!”

Looking up!

Barb

Prevailing provoking thoughts

Ok, call me a cracked pot if you want, but read this message for what it is meant to be – a stirring of your thoughts to what this world is becoming.  The events of the past week at State College, the political strife that is going on, the economic pitfalls, the lies all point to the power of a world fallen.  Who do we believe?  Can there ever again be an element of trust?  Show me anyone, and someone else will have their agenda take them out, so that evil will dominate.  We point our fingers of blame and everyone suffers the consequences.


Wow.  What I just wrote was definitely dark but is necessary to think about!  I just finished reading a series by Joel C. Rosenberg that was a fictional account based on some real events taking (notice the verb in the present tense) place in our world as it compares to biblical prophecy.  The books in order of being written were The Last Jihad, The Last Days, The Ezekiel Option, The Copper Scroll and finally Dead Heat.  


In the first book they were talking about Egypt’s President Mubarek, and I was reading this while the news was on in the background and I looked up in surprise when I heard the name I was just reading about.  These books were well written and thought provoking.  The statement always hanging in the back of my mind was – if this should come to pass, where do I stand?!  This is a question we should all be asking ourselves and unfortunately it is not an easy question to answer or even to want to think about.


Do we continue to live with our heads in the sand thinking nothing really bad will happen?  Do we really not want to see that evil exists in our world and we are buying into it at alarming speeds?  Our greed knows no boundaries and we are having too much of a good time to want to stop and think such dark, foreboding thoughts.  I am NOT a biblical scholar and yet I feel inspired to want to shake those I know to wake them up to the world around them.  Some may say it is coincidental, some may say it is hype but the bottom line for me is what if it is the truth?  Do you want to gamble on whether or not what the Bible says is truth or fiction?  Some may think, I’ll think on this later.  Well, without wanting to give it away.  What if your decision to explore it and apply it, is a second too late?  


I use to and sometimes still do read real fairy tales.  These are the happily ever after type books that usually wind up being dramas that come to a good conclusion.  I read all sorts of fiction from crime dramas, to tearjerkers, but this series by Rosenberg and also the Left Behind Series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins left me astounded to the consequences of not knowing enough about the Bible and its history.  These were fictional books!


I can’t make decisions for anyone in regard to their eternal futures.  It is, after all, a personal choice.  But as is implied in the two series I mentioned, when (not if) our world self-destructs and we are advancing at an alarming rate of speed, do you want to be “left behind” to deal with the aftermath?  If you think now is a dark time, I don’t believe we can even contemplate what that time may be.


Are you afraid?  You should be especially if you are sitting on the fence in your beliefs! I don’t know how to suggest anyone “start” on their journey, the way I did was to read the Left Behind Series, which lead me to check its accuracy in the Bible, which I now read regularly and am always finding applicable verses to my life.  If you had asked me a dozen years ago, I would have told you I thought I was a Christian based on my being a “good” person.  I now know that it has nothing to do with me and my abilities, but instead in believing John 3:16 and then in understanding that “it is only through grace that we are saved, not by our works” – Ephesians 2:8.


Check it out for yourselves!


Looking up!


Barb

Random or too much coffee?

HA!  I just read this statement by Martin Luther (not King) and laughed out loud:  “Think of all the squabbles Adam and Eve must have had in the course of their nine hundred years.  Eve would say, “You ate the apple,” and Adam would retort, “You gave it to me.”

I am continuing on in my thoughts in regard to relationships.  One of my kids just got married this past June and my husband and I are in the throes of planning the other’s wedding next May; I obviously have a vested interest in wanting both kids to realize that marriage is not the stuff of fairy tales.  Now don’t go ballistic in your thoughts thinking I’m unromantic, but do know that I am very much a realist. 

Life at best is about balance; some days you give more and other days you receive.  Which brings to mind another “saying” I saw posted on a face book page, which I then copied to my own……  “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.”  Hmmmmm.  The operative word in there is “expect,” and that’s where we start skating on thin ice.  What are our expectations of another person, especially our spouses?”

My expectations would probably be that whoever the person I might be in a relationship with, not be hurtful to me.  However, there is a sliding scale associated with not being hurtful.  Some people kiddingly make a comment, which they think is innocent, but the person on the receiving end takes in a completely different manner than how it was initially expressed.  As we seek approval from one another, we ask questions we’d like answered, but only if they are going to make us feel good.  Case in point, a woman asking her husband if her jeans make her butt look big.  Really?  Who would ask that question – men hate it, because it is a lose/lose proposition, which basically begs for a lie.  If you really want to know the truth, ask your children; but be prepared for the answer you don’t want to hear!

Speaking of this…..do you know the show “What not to wear?”  I think my daughter wants to sign me up for this.  I was talking with a friend this morning, and over our tenth cup of coffee we were commiserating about fashions as we age.  I’m prone to wanting to wear comfortable – think warm-ups, and having been a PE teacher, it is difficult to want to get away from this.  My next choice would be scrubs and I guess I deteriorate from there.  Mind you, I’m not yet into muu-muus or shapeless sweats.  That said, the fashions today, some of which I think are really cute, are for those whose figures haven’t done the muffin top dance.  And mind you all…..I exercise my butt off, running 3-4 times a week and I watch what I eat, especially as it goes onto my fork and into my mouth!  And it isn’t that much or that bad in case you wanted to know.  Anyway, I can’t think of the host(s) names, but there needs to be those same types of image consultants (not on TV) around here, it would be helpful if they weren’t affiliated with a particular high end store, because then the prices get beyond what the average person (like me) can afford.  The way I shop…..if it is on a mannequin in the store, then as long as it is in my “color scheme” I get it.  Otherwise, I wind up buying what the model wears in the magazine, which doesn’t look as good in a size (no I’m not telling) as it does on the size 0 model in the spread.

How the heck did I get from relationships to middle age body shapes? 

But these are the questions that really do plague the minds of people, especially women in our age group, and they are the things that cause squabbles between us (Eves) and our Adams.

As I close, my mind flitted to this thought.  I am heading out to go see the movie “Courageous” and that is precisely the mindset we should all be in as we face each day and each other.  We need to get a grip on ourselves and stop with the never ending quest for perfection and instead start living lives that move beyond our limited scopes.  A lot of what I write is tongue in cheek, but based in reality.  We need to lighten up and look for peace rather problems.  

Two of the best lessons I learned in life was first to trust God and then to learn to laugh at myself.  I can trust that God is perfect and I am not and don’t have to be and everything else will fall into place however it is meant to.  My worrying about it will not change the outcome.  I try (and am not always successful) to keep this in mind in my relationships!  Can you imagine 900 years in a relationship?  Yikes!!

Looking up!

Barb

Friendology

I haven’t blogged in awhile and although I have started some, most of them wind up on the trash heap, because they haven’t been flowing freely.  I’m not sure why I’m having this block at the moment, it isn’t for lack of material, but maybe more lack of time.  I usually do my morning readings at about 6 a.m. and then segue into my writings, but since taking a job 2 weeks ago, I now find I only have the time for the readings.  By the time I get home at night, my thoughts are so scrambled, nothing comes out sounding right.

So, let’s try my umpteenth one this week…..

“ology”  in medical termin(ology) the “y” at the end of the word means the process of, the rest of it means the study of – so, combined it means the process of study of whatever the prefix is.  So, I’d like to create a new word – “Friendology” – the process of the study of relationships.

This morning I was reading about relationships and how so many of us enter into them with unreal expectations.  These expectations or fantasies can be in regard to our spouses, our children, our friends and even our jobs.  I have heard people talking about being disillusioned and lost and feel it goes even deeper than that, more like they are disillusioned with life.

In one of the devotionals I read, the following thought was presented …..”and they lived happily ever after is one of the most tragic sentences in literature because it tells a falsehood about life and it has led countless generations of people to expect something from human existence that is not possible on this fragile, failing, imperfect earth.”  Joshua Loth Liebman

Wow, that’s quite a mouthful and it isn’t easily digestable.  As my children enter marriage, I hope they are able to view the relationship their father and I have, as the imperfect but real model of marriage.  We have had many happy years, but we have also had years where we struggled and sometimes those struggles involved hurt feelings and anger.  Ultimately though, my husband and I have and continue to work through those struggles. 

In every relationship, marriage, parenthood, friendships……each party brings something to the table.  Unfortunately the idea of what looks like something, (acts, smells, tastes) like something does not always reveal the true thing.  Huh?  Let me simplify – when you come to the table, do you bring the real you, or the person you think the other person wants you to be?  Because this is what I think the real problem is.  We don’t come to the table as ourselves, but instead as a concept or an idea.  Add to that, that the other person is making decisions based on “who” shows up and they also have to deal with the rose-colored glasses they have on.

Dealing first with the “masked” persona – anytime we are less than honest we invite trouble to ourselves.  This is the core of disillusionment.  Who are we?  It is very easy to point the proverbial finger of blame at someone else for whatever problem we are encountering, but somewhere at some time, we need to take a look at ourselves.  There is a particular relationship that has me befuddled at the moment.  I’m not quite sure what the problem is, other than I feel like I’ve done something wrong (and I’m not prone to false guilt).  In reviewing the situation though, I am aware that I am not the only one who seems to be having difficulty in the relationship.  Sometimes in review we have to look first at ourselves, but then also at the other dynamics.  People constantly change, but if you find that you are having a problem with more than one person, the problem might not be the other people, but might just be you.  Who wants to admit that?  Believe me, self incrimination isn’t fun, but sometimes is necessary!

Secondly, the rose-colored glasses we have the tendency to wear make us think all the people in our lives will fall into the line-up just the way we want them to. Well, I don’t know about you, but that isn’t happening for me!  What do we do, when our perfect scenarios don’t meet with reality? Too often, these scenarios lead to resentments, which left unresolved cause breakdowns in relationships.  Who’s to blame?  Well, both parties actually.  We should never enter a relationship thinking we will be able to change someone and we also shouldn’t make the mistake thinking those people we are in relationships with can read our minds!  Relationships require work and that isn’t always fun!  You can re-work the phrase “work”  rationalizing anything you want, but it still boils down to relationships needing time and energy…..YOURS!  If this isn’t an investment you want to make, then why is it any surprise when it isn’t “WORKing!”

I don’t have the answers, I’ve got a bunch more questions though.  Relationships go through evolution, hence the poem entitled “Reasons, seasons, lifetime.’  The basis for this poem is that people come into our lives for “time periods.”  When I embark on a relationship, my goal is always long term, to me, anything less is pointless; unfortunately goals are not always met and for me, when these goals aren’t met, I find myself in a state of mourning.  People I’m finding (myself included) are basically selfish.  They do what they do to meet their own needs, and while they may not always satisfy their needs first, they’d be foolish to stay in a relationship that isn’t of some benefit to them.  Not too jaded sounding, right?!  So why bother?  Because we were created to be relational beings, that’s why!

There is only one relationship that withstands the rigors of our impairments and that is with God.  If He is at the center, if we strive to keep Him foremost in our thoughts, then ALL other relationships have the possibility of success.  With God at our center, we can’t be (self-centered).  This allows for relationships (and all of life) to flow without getting bogged down in our selfish desires.  We can’t be all things to all people, but God can.  It is sometimes hard to believe, or for some maybe even to hear, that they aren’t God, but it’s true. 

Navigating the relational waters has always been a study in perseverance for me.  In some areas I’ve failed, in others, they have failed, but in each failure, I gain knowledge.  If we don’t cycle through our lives, learning we remain static.  I believe relational evolution is about the process of moving forward, even though we may not want to.  We grow older, not younger, we get smarter, not dumber (although sometimes we act it).  I never want to be misconstrued as saying I “use” people as proverbial steps on a ladder.  I’m not climbing to achieve a particular goal but I am learning to be a better relational person (at least that is my hope!)

Looking up!

Barb