Acronyms abound

My roles are changing and my rolls can’t keep up!  Help!  As I was driving to work this morning I was chatting on the phone, ok, it wasn’t handsfree and it needs to be, but this close to the wedding, I’m making use of every spare minute I can find……

This friend was asking me how I was doing as the MOG (you know the mother of the groom) and I responded by saying that I was too worried about being the MIL (mother-in-law).  Mogging in my case was fairly simple.  Turn complete control over to the bride and her mother was the way I handled it, the only choice I wanted was to pick the song for the dance with my son.  I’m not sure how the FOG (father of the groom) feels about things, he was left in charge of the financial aspect of the rehearsal dinner……we are hosting 100 people for that.  Yes, you read that right see why the acronym FOG is so appropriate?!  I would have wanted to stay in that state, but as the MOG I didn’t have to go there, and in all honesty, most people think I operate in a fog anyway!  Women naturally multi-task and what men think is fog-brained is all neatly packaged up and functioning on a highly efficient level as we are all quite aware of everything going on, but lets keep that our secret!

Back to being a MIL.  There are such negative connontations with being a MIL, most of them aren’t very flattering.  It is natural for the girl to go to her own Mom for advice, I did…..but my hope is that my new DIL will be able to enjoy our new relationship as one of a friendship.  See, she already has a Mom or since we are speaking in pre-wedding terminology, a MOB and after this wedding, I will then be seeking MOB advice as my daughter is then getting married next year.  But one acronym at a time is my motto!

Another concern I dealt with were my rolls. A friend and I worked our butts off, or tried to and it seems that those rolls only shifted and got lodged somewhere in my mid-section.  I wonder if all that wine we had after our sessions at the gym had anything to do with that?!  As you can see, my mind is totally focused and I’m well aware of what is and isn’t important.  It is imperative that as the MOG, soon to be MIL, that one stays unstressed, I mean don’t you agree?!

As I pack for this weekend wedding, I forgot to mention that this is a destination wedding…..I’m to the point of almost foregoing the suitcase.  I am so afraid I’m going to forget something that I’m putting those things in the car immediately.  One of those things being 2 pairs of spanx – the short version and the long version, depending on where my rolls decide to settle when I get up there will determine which I need!  I have 3 days until we leave and if my husband, the FOG, were to go into my car, I literally think his jaw would drop, especially if he were to reach into the side pocket of the driver’s side door!  I’m glad the automakers created all these neat nooks and crannies and I’ve finally figured out what to stuff in there!  Our son’s sister is also in the wedding and as the SOG, she was asked if she could drive one of the other bridesmaids up to the mountains early for the bridesmaid’s luncheon.  Since our daughter’s car is small, and her fiance is also going I figure I will now have to deal with the possibility of taking some of the SOG’s clothes ontop of the FOG and MOG outfits.  I’m thinking a small u-haul is in order.  The FOG thinks we should just put some things in the cooler on the roof rack of our Lexus.  See why my spanx can’t go there, the cooler which I was thinking was reserved for wine is now becoming a new suitcase!  Can’t you just visualize the lid opening and a trail of spanx between Charlotte and the mountains?

My other concern was that my sister-in-law told me the horror story of the spanx and her claustrophobia.  In the middle of a wedding she attended, she thought she would pass out.  No sooner had the I do’s been said when she quickly excused herself from the wedding, sprinting out in front of the bride and groom to go to the ladies rooms for spanx removal.  What she had forgotten was that spanx is a two-in-one combo, serving as underwear and girdle.  In the removal of such, she now would wind up commando?  I certainly hope someone besides me finds this hysterical!  She also only brought a mini-purse and if you knew how much the darn spanx cost you’d know that you couldn’t just throw them away without suffering severe guilt.  Think price of a tummy tuck rolled up in elastic!  So, now ontop of the other dilemmas I’m forced to deal with as a MOG/MIL, I now have to figure out which purse to bring because I might need spare parts!  All I can say is that FOGs have it easy!

Anyway, this is just a light hearted piece to commemorate this monumental moment in time….did I mention that as I get excited my brain goes haywire in its need to put forth this type of verbiage?  Where was this stuff when I had to do creative writing in high school?!

Now's there's been an addendum to the spanx, thanks to the DIL, apparently they now make one with a hole cut into it, because in the event one has to go to the bathroom, trying to pull this piece of toning torture up and down is like trying to pull on a wet bathingsuit.  When I remarked about creating my own opening, the DIL thought it might render the thing null and void.....ha, no pun intended!

Looking up!~ but hopefully not under my dress!

Barb