Ok, I’m gonna say it. Are you ready? Wow, this is harder than I thought it was going to be! C’mon Barb, just do it….ok, here goes, the subject is “I love you!” Whew, now I’ve done it. I’ve said it; I’ve put it out there. But what does it mean?!
I went to visit my parents about a month ago. My mom is in the throes of dementia and she can get stuck in a loop of telling and re-telling the same story. I don’t share that information in any way to be poking fun; it is a difficult situation our family finds itself in. I don’t say it to garner sympathy either, it is what it is! When I arrived at the front door, Mom grasped me in a hug, and repeatedly said, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” I may have even blogged a bit about this before, but something grabbed my attention this morning while I was reading during my “quiet time.” That something was that we have the tendency to strive after that which is elusive rather than being grateful for that which we already have.
The love I'm referring to has nothing to do with sex. As my visit with my Mom continued, I got the distinct impression that Mom was trying to communicate something to me. She was telling a story about a friend of hers, and how much she “loved” this friend. There was a depth to the feelings she was trying to share and before you start thinking this is odd, let me ask you, have you ever allowed yourself the freedom to truly love someone?
Nancy (my BFF/sister-in-law and the only reason I keep qualifying this, is because I have a sister Nancy as well, and I don’t want the confusion of her trying to explain why I keep referring to her in the past tense), anyway, Nancy passed away, and shortly before that time she and I had a conversation that might appear to have sounded strange. We were discussing love and she was saying that she never knew she was “loved” per se. She was married, she was a Mom, she was a daughter, a niece and a sister, but all that “love” was because they were obligated to, because of what the roles implied. It kind of hurt to hear that, because as her friend, I loved her in the depths of my heart! She was one of the few people that I would have actually laid my life on the line for and I literally mean that. Continuing on in our conversation, she said to me, “Barb, I don’t want you to forget me.” I looked at her in amazement; she truly didn’t understand how I felt, because if she did, I don’t think she would have made that comment!
When I was with my Mom, she was demonstrating an “ache” with her words, a need to be understood about the depth of her feelings. I don’t know if anyone else can relate, but this is a very special feeling, I know it, I’ve felt it and I am blessed to say, I am still able to feel it. This is a deeply personal feeling and for that reason, we are hesitant to say it because to say it aloud, we run the risk of laying bare our hearts and the possibility of rejection is so great. On the other hand, to not share it, you run the greatest possibility of going through life missing out on one of life’s greatest joys.
Today, unfortunately I feel it is said, rather casually, I hear it all the time when people hang up the phone, “love you, mean it!” Really, you have to say mean it afterwards?! Why would you say it if you didn’t mean it? And unfortunately for me, the more casually it is used, the less impact it holds, at least for me.
No, for me to share those special three words, I really do have to mean it, those words come from a place deep inside me, there is nothing flippant about them. There are too many other words out there that can express our feelings, I’m going to reserve those extraordinary three words for those individuals who are distinctive in my life, and they should know who they are!
Looking up!~ Barb
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