Shopping for THE dress

I’m just wondering if anyone can relate!  On Sunday, I finally succumbed to going out to look for a dress to wear for my son’s wedding.  I had had such plans about taking a posse of people and in retrospect; I think I’m glad I didn’t.  But had I, we all would have been kicked out of the darn store for causing a ruckus!  As it was, Brooke, my daughter met me at the store for this endeavor, I should have remembered…..

Years ago, when Brooke was a younger child, her Aunt and I went to Kohl’s to shop.  I usually buy bras there, and I have no idea what her Aunt was trying on.  Brooke and her Aunt were very close and Brooke wanted to be in said Aunt’s dressing room and it was ok with her!  I was probably about 39, Nanc was about 45 and Brooke was 8.  Kids will always give you their honest opinion and Brooke did just that.  As I remember the conversation, Nancy asked Brooke how this particular outfit look on her and Brooke in her non-quiet voice pipes up, pull in your stomach, and Nancy remarks, I did……and Brooke quips back, no the other one!  I know Nancy is turning over in her grave with my telling of this, but I will say this, Nancy and I wore the same size and we were both always commiserating on how we needed to be doing sit-ups!  But size 14s are all over the place in regard to how they fit!  Anyway, the dressing rooms at that time were all full and you could hear the muffled snickers and then Nancy yelling for me to get Brooke out of there!

Fast forward 15 years and now I am having Brooke in my dressing room!  I should have remembered, I should have remembered, I should have remembered!  I had called the bridal shop the day before asking if they had this particular dress that I had seen in their catalog in stock.  They couldn’t find it, and I wasn’t about to order this dress sight unseen!  I made arrangements and called Brooke and we decided to meet at the store at noon on Sunday.  Now originally, I planned on going with Brooke and a couple of friends and having mimosas or some other drink to soothe my ruffled feathers prior to this escapade.  I should mention that I’m more comfortable in gym shorts, and a polo or a track suit! 

I find the dress and since I’ve lost weight (20 lbs but I’ve gained 10 of it back??!!), I pulled a size 12 and a size 14 into the dressing room with us.  Being a pessimist at times, I decided I would try on the 14 from the onset.  Now I won’t get too descriptive here, but suffice it to say that stepping into this number did not meet with my hips approval!  So, off it comes.  When in doubt, pull it over your minimized area, right?  Yeah, no!  At this point Brooke is pulling this thing down, until we realized we hadn’t unzipped it all the way, and I’m having a hot flash!  We get it in place and I’m like, if I sit down in this thing, I’m going to split the seams open.  At this point I’m also saying that the lining of this dress feels strange.  Brooke now is on her knees, reaching up the dress trying to pull the lining down suggesting I wear spanx, meanwhile 3 staff members are standing outside the dressing room doors trying not to snort their laughter!   Oh and I should mention that at this point they say, oh, our stuff runs a bit small!!!  No kidding!!! I am now thinking of Janet, Julie and Linda, the friends I had mentioned going shopping with and I am immensely relieved they are not with me!  The lining finally drapes the way it is supposed to, and it actually feels better.  Then I put on the little cap sleeved jacket.  All those years of playing sports and my recent endeavor of swimming has made me “broad” across the back.  I am now at the point of saying to Brooke, put your arms up like we are going to dance, because I’m about to pull these seams out as well.  Good grief, if Brent dips me in our dance, and he better not, I’ll be in my underwear on the dance floor!

Many of you are thinking, why doesn’t she just get a different style of dress and try it on.  Did I forget to mention that I absolutely hate to shop?  I didn’t get that gene.  It is so unnerving and discouraging to go into shops (and if you know of one that doesn’t please tell me) that think all women should be a size 2!  Not to mention that it seems like all the mother of the groom/bride dresses I saw looked matronly!  Geez, I’m 55, not 105!

Of course, there aren’t any mirrors in the dressing room, so now you have to go parading around on the outside.  And again, of course, there aren’t any chairs for me to try to sit in, so I have to go out to the staging area, where they oooh and ahh over the brides in their gowns, while they fit them.  And again, of course, there are 3 guys sitting there, and I’m thinking, oh gosh, did they just hear the diatribe Brooke and I went through?!  At this point the sales clerk is pointing to a chair and I’m like, no, I want to take that away from where anyone is, and try to slither into that seat.  Then I need Brooke to help me stand back up, so that I don’t make any wrong moves and rip the dress!

Somehow, I’m able to get this dress off and the sales person gets me another dress, similar in style…..NOT?!  ok, it has a similar jacket, but that is where the similarities end!  This one is in a larger size, but the cut is completely different, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to compare the two.  Is it any wonder I don’t like to shop?!  Not to mention that the lighting in the store is glaring and my skin is still the pallor of winter white even though the day before I had tried to sit out in the sun in my bathing suit in March……thinking my neighbors weren’t home, and then cleaning up the leaves in the garden and they were home and oh my gosh…..well you get the picture.  So, maybe I was a tad bit pink, but not bronze by any stretch of the imagination!

As I just said to a photographer friend, this is when these wedding photographers need to be available….this is the stuff of America’s funniest home videos!!  The trip was a success, I will say.  I did order the first dress in the larger size and vowed to start my diet that evening.  So far that’s a bust, no pun intended!   I have until May 1^st to whittle down and I’m looking at various skin creams that might help in the slithering sense!   I promise, at some point I will post a picture of the dress……I might even be wearing it!

Looking up!~ Barb