Support systems

The most difficult thing in life is watching someone self-destruct.  We can stand by, and offer encouragement but we can’t do the one thing they need to do, which is take the first step.

I am not trained in any way as a counselor, or as a therapist, I’m only a friend, so on this particular journey, I feel I’m in way over my head.  At times, I’ve given up, not knowing what to do next and then I think, if this were me going through this difficult time, wouldn’t I want someone to care enough to persevere?  Some people would say, let the family deal with it.  What if the family doesn’t know?!  But also, sometimes friends are closer than family!  Do we just pass the buck?  I’m not alone in this endeavor or even the “lead” person, but I am still involved and care a great deal!

God places people in your life for a reason. On six differing occasions, I’ve had six friends who have had to deal with cancer.  Five of the six survived their ordeals.  The first friend to brave this battle happened when I was in college and I’m guessing my exposure was just to have my heart become tenderized.  I wasn’t able to “do” anything for her.  The second one occurred when I was a teaching, and basically I just took over her household and bulldozed my way through without a clue.  Number three, held me at a bit of a distance, she’s very private, but at least allowed me to help with some meals and provide verbal support.  Nancy, my BFF and the only one not to survive, was number four and well, there wasn’t one aspect of her care that she didn’t allow me to be part of!  Number five was long distance telephone support and number six is ongoing current support again from a bit of a distance.   While the support may vary in its type, it provided a link of “caring.”   All of this is not to give myself a pat on the back; I’m trying to figure out why I’ve been led in this direction!  The one thing all of these situations showed me was that perseverance is necessary and also helps prove my point about how some friends can be as close as family! 

We are trying to pass this information along to this self-destructing friend.  The problem is, she is stuck down in a black hole and I’m getting the feeling she doesn’t know which way to reach to get out.  When we reach in, she’s too embarrassed to grab a hold.  We keep pointing her to God’s word and how in our brokenness, He is able to work miracles, but it seems to be beyond her capability to understand at this point.  BTW, we just don’t offer these “pat” answers, we have given concrete suggestions as well such as starting with the smallest of steps, because to take one small step is at least a beginning of movement.

Did you ever hear the story about the man in the flood?  The man is sitting in his home watching the water rise and he prays to God, “please help me.”  A man in a boat comes by and says, “get in; I’ll take you to safety”.  The man replies back, “no, God will save me.”  As the water continues to rise, he prays again, this time from the roof of his house, “God, please save me!”  A helicopter flies by and offers to send down a rope to lift the man to safety, again the man says, “no, God will save me.”  Finally, the waters sweep the man away.  When he gets to heaven and meets up with God, he says, “God, I prayed and asked you to save me, why didn’t you?”  God looks back at the man and says, “but I tried, I sent you a boat and a helicopter, why didn’t you use what I sent you?”

 What prayers have you prayed that might have been answered, but answered so simply, that you brushed them away?  Answers from God, probably aren’t as complex and unrecognizable as we think they might be!  And just so you know, I’ve been the person caught in the flood!  I’ve been independent and I don’t ask people for help!  There is a word for that, it is pride.  And that is a topic for another day!

The bottom line is that God loves us enough to send caring people into our lives.  Sometimes we push these people away, but the ones we call friends, are the ones who don’t walk away when the times get tough, they hang in there and sometimes have to make difficult decisions, when the person they care about can’t or won’t.  Hopefully you never have to see that day!

Looking up! ~ Barb