Listening

Do you ever wonder if anyone is listening?  No, I’m not soliciting for responses to my blog, I am truly wondering in all the noise surrounding us, if what we are saying is getting across.  I work as a kitchen designer and I had two potential clients in today.  We were discussing their project and they are requesting pricing quickly, and I really want to give it to them, however, I want to give them the right price!  I have a 50/50 chance at getting this job and if my pricing isn’t to their liking, I lose the opportunity to win the job.

Here’s the thing, I can give them pricing, but what I found in looking at the job, was that whoever did the original layout, didn’t account for some pretty important design elements.  Re-doing a kitchen can be an expensive endeavor, so if you are going to embark on this journey, you want to make sure that the end result is also going to be one that is aesthetically pleasing as well as functional, it isn’t just about the price!  In this particular case, one major design flaw has one cabinet looking like a matchstick and the cabinet adjacent to it, having double doors.  It is simple enough to add the sizes together and divide it in half and wind up with a more desirable look of symmetry.  That way you get the look and the function!  Another element involved was a cabinet she didn’t need because she was going with a chimney style hood.  There were other design questions, but the bottom line was I am going to be able to save them money by pricing this job according to what it is they really want.  And, that takes listening, because sometimes people don’t know what they want.  They just want it all!

We have a habit of talking, nonstop, but what are we really saying?  And, how is our point getting across?  If I say I want to learn to cook, but never avail myself to the opportunities that would allow that to happen, do I really want what I say I want?  There are cooking schools, cookbooks, cooking shows – all within my means, but I have to mean what I say and say what I mean in order for my desire to come to fruition.  Unfortunately what I think happens is that we spend our time trying to figure out what someone else wants us to say and then we try to do our best to meet it.  And we fail because the person didn’t mean what they said and the other is fulfilling something that wasn’t really meant to be!

Listening involves closing your mouth and opening not just your ears, but your eyes and your heart.  One of my favorite shows is “Lie to Me.”  While this is a fictional show, there is some truth to the mannerisms they speak about.  Whether or not we are aware of it, people can read what we are saying without our even opening our mouths.  Our expressions, our gestures, our body stature all give clues to our stories, so this is why our eyes are necessary.  Our hearts are needed, so when we hear with our ears, our hearts can absorb what is being said as well as what might not being said.  I have a friend who keeps telling me she is fine, and she did a pretty good job of convincing me, but my heart wasn’t convinced and by the way, no, she is not fine!

In casual conversation we ask, “How are you?”  Do you really want the answer?  If I’m asking, I do!  And not the standard, fine how are you?  I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know.  Have you ever had the experience whereby someone says “we’ll have to get together” and it never happens?  To some, it is just an easy way to part company gracefully.  It really screws with your mind though, especially if you are waiting for the next get together. 

Relationships are difficult enough without the game playing.  Why lead someone on if you aren’t really interested in them?  Is it a power thing?  Is it just until someone better comes along or a better opportunity?  I don’t get it!  No wonder we are so messed up!  I want healthy relationships!  The best advice I can give anyone is BE YOU! 

If you aren’t honest with yourself, if you don’t love yourself FIRST, how can you ever expect any relationship to survive?  The first step in listening is listening to yourself and lining up your words with God’s truths!  If you are genuine, people will see that and will respond in kind!  Listening is easy, if you are interested!  The key is taking the focus off of you and placing it on the one speaking!  Hear what is being said, but don’t be thinking of your answer while they are still talking, because then you aren’t really listening.

Finally, when you are the one talking…..come up for air and let the other person have a chance to let you know that they have heard what you’ve said!  The greatest gift you can give someone is to acknowledge what they have said, even if the acknowledgement comes somewhere down the line!

Looking up!~Barb