In Derwin Gray’s book, Limitless Life, he tells
the story of John, Jacob and Jude (naming names, albeit made-up names) for the
family featured in the parable. John is
the Dad, Jacob the prodigal and Jude the “good boy?!”
Synopsis “Derwin style”…Jacob comes to Dad (John)
and says “hey old man, give me my stuff and let me live my life according to
the way I want to (and by the way, this means now, I don’t want to wait until
you die!) Dad John sadly but lovingly
grants Jacob’s wishes, and watches as he disappears from their lives. As Derwin recants it, he (Jacob) heads to
Vegas; living the high life until such a time as he no longer can sustain
it. Jacob then resorts to what most
would, he tries to make a living doing whatever he can to try to save face and
stay in the area of good times. When
Jacob finally realizes (with maturity – age?) he has turned away from the ones
who love him (not just a good thing), he humbles himself and goes home, not to
be confused with going home to reposition himself as a son in good standing,
but instead to accept being near those he loves and to do whatever it takes to
be able to just be in their presence.
Dad (John) is elated and runs to meet Jacob as soon as he sees him. The clarification Derwin presents is that by
running to meet his son, John prevents those “righteous” people from getting to
Jacob first and sending him on his way as a no-good scoundrel. John acting with forgiveness and grace
blesses Jacob with immediate inclusion.
Enter Jude – the good boy- who finds his self-worth in being just that,
good (read perfect). Jude is a rule
follower and isn’t too happy that the one who broke all the rules is now back
in the family all hunky dory. Jude is
well, what about the consequences for what Jacob did? Don’t you see that I was always good? Shouldn’t being good be rewarded? Jude, you see is what is called an
excluder. If you make a mistake, you’re
out. The question to be asked is, is it
one mistake or a series of mistakes that throw you out?
Interpretation – God is the father (John), ok,
that’s not a stretch is it? He lovingly
accepts us, waits for us, runs to us; however you want to classify welcoming us
back from the divergent paths we feel we need to take to be in control (or out
of control) of our own lives.
Which leaves two camps? The Jacob camp and the Jude camp. So, where do you find yourself parking? The way it hit me this morning was that most
people who suffer from life’s travesties, and specifically in the case of addictions because they purportedly have “chosen”
their road; would find themselves in the Jacob camp. The Jude’s are the ones sitting on their
perches looking down their noses sniffing the air and saying the stink of the
Jacob’s is offensive. The “Jude’s” think
and say things like, “so and so need to go to church, or they should see the
hurt they are causing their families, or they should look at “me” as I follow
the rules and live righteously and therefore am considered good. The “Jude’s” judge and pass sentences of
shame and guilt and stir up hatred and chaos while purporting to be “good.” They have no time for anyone who has suffered
life or its consequences. This wouldn’t
happen to them!! My view on addictions is that some are more vulnerable than others, but I believe addictions to be a disease based situation and once ensnared in it's tentacles, there is hell to pay, much the same as trying to disengage someone from a cult. We can argue about choices being made, but isn't all of life based on choices - so someone who smokes and gets cancer, or someone who overeats and doesn't exercise and gets heart disease. Anyone?
So, when a “Jacob” gets clean and comes home, too
often the “Jude” doesn’t want to let them back into the flock, (instead holding
the Jacob to the position of disdain or continued ridicule) because they can’t accept that the Father
can still love the person who wasn’t perfect, and they get upset because they
(the Jude) feels their perfection is being overlooked or worse yet
diminished. But I like how Derwin said
it best – “One found his purpose and the other missed his purpose.” Jacob found his purpose – to love and be
loved by the Father, while Jude missed his purpose by being what Derwin calls a
religionist (follower of religious rules instead of being amidst the love).
I love this quote by Derwin: “people who do not
understand grace are quick to talk about their “performance” when they feel
they’ve been wronged.” In the above
story, Jude found his purpose not in being loved by his Dad. He was spiritually dead, even though he was religious. Derwin goes on to say “Religion says, “I am a
good person, look what I’ve done.” Grace
says, “The only goodness in me is Jesus; look at the good thing He’s done for
me: He loved me.”
Whether or not we want to acknowledge it, we are
all in the Jacob camp, we sometimes just don’t recognize ourselves because we
make comparisons of our “worth” based on a set of rules rather than on love. How often do we talk about our performances
when we’ve been wronged? We are Jacobs
when we are Judes because we are in “Vegas” in our hearts, separated because of
our inability to love others including ourselves because of our own sets of
rules followed with the need to be perfect.
“Our purpose is not found in our careers, money,
children, spouses or anything or anyone else.
Our purpose to be loved by God”, as Derwin so adroitly says. Love is not bound by rules and yet I know that I too keep a list of rights and wrongs!
I am Guilty!
But on my way home!
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