I just read an interesting tidbit about Thomas
Jefferson. At some point in his
presidency he and his entourage were trying to cross a rain swollen river. They looked for its narrowest point and were
about to cross, when a man stood up at its banks and looked each man in the
face. Thomas Jefferson was near the end
of the group and as he was about to cross, the man asked if he could ride with
him. Thomas Jefferson said yes, and the
man hopped on behind him. Once they had
crossed, the man slid to the ground thanking TJ. Another man, came up to him and asked him how
he had dared to ask the President of the United States to take him across the
river. The man was appalled, and stated
that he didn’t know that TJ was in fact the president and apologized profusely. He then added that as he looked at each man,
only Thomas Jefferson’s face/eyes said yes, all the others had a look of “NO”
on their faces.
I was looking at a picture of myself taken shortly after
Bruce had passed. It was taken at
Atlantic Beach, and I was a bit sunburned, but in delving deeper I noticed a “softness”
in my expression. Now, I know that as
much as I would like this to be my everyday look, it isn’t. But at that particular time, having had the
most profound “worst” already happen to me (although I continued to be battered
that year), I realized that the most important thing in life was about loving
others regardless of anything and I do mean anything. I was at that particular moment in a numb
state or protective bubble, having been placed there by God. There is no good way to describe that other
than to say, I didn’t care about personality defects, bad attitudes, bad
circumstances or any other negativity.
In retrospect, I was being comforted by the hand of God – although I
will admit that I didn’t know it at the time.
As I am in the process of shedding my cocoon now, I am
becoming aware that as I step back into life that I am once again “bothered” by
what people say and do. I again am
becoming prideful and wanting things my way.
But here is the thing, now I am aware of it and even more profound is
the fact that once aware of being blessed, to be heading back in this direction
is NOT something I want to be doing. The
key to seeing is in the eyes and I don’t mean that to be a pun.
When one experiences a death of a loved one (or in my case
several in the course of a year) one has a choice. You can become bitter or better. You can try with all your strength or
whatever term you want to use to stay or regain control or you can become aware
that none of life is really in our control and then relinquish that need to try
to lay claim to it. That is the softness
you see in the eyes – the actual “giving up” and instead relishing peace.
Another interesting thing I read was about an atheist who
was dying. A hospice volunteer was
trying to ascertain this woman’s stand with Christ. She spoke and prayed with her daily, and
finally the dying woman said that she was an atheist and had no interest in
changing. Later in her last days, this
woman began hallucinating about being tormented by fire climbing up her
legs.
While these two very different readings might be a stretch
to be tied together – the central theme in the message is about peace, beyond
our understanding. When we are
unwavering in our desire to control or to put it another way, be the god of our
own destiny we are claiming in a manner of speaking atheism.
Look in the mirror what do you see? Do you see the glint of steel – the look of no
one is going to “get” me? Or do see the
softness of acceptance and with it the peace of knowing that even though we may
be undeserving, we are accepted and loved unconditionally!
Looking up!
Barb
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