Each morning I read from a devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Yesterday’s read "This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete. Take time to bask in the Light of My Love. As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens us, releasing your prized possession into My care."
It continued, but the significance of that paragraph was profound to me. For the past year I have blogged about an almost continuing theme revolving around cancer. I have been on the "giving" end of being a caregiver, outside my home. It was never and still is NOT about my giving, or me but instead about the love I have felt and still feel that God has blessed me with in my desire to share with others and for some inexplicable reason especially those with cancer.
I haven’t blogged much this year, not for the fact I haven’t had thoughts or feelings, but instead because I’ve had too many and couldn’t grasp them all. At the onset of this year, I learned that my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. Just 2 weeks ago, we learned that my husband has adenocarcinoma (lung cancer – non-smoking) and in 5 weeks, our daughter is getting married. I don’t share this at this moment to garner sympathy. Is our plate full, sure, but like so many others, life is seemingly one chaotic thing after another. These are the thoughts I have tried to express in past blogs – that we ALL are too busy. It is in having a diagnosis that we finally garner the lesson of what is truly important in our lives.
As we grapple with the issues at hand, it has been interesting and humbling to watch the events of our lives unfold. There are some who would view this blog and my sharing it as wrong, mostly because their perception in how I handle things would not be how they would deal with the circumstances. They would not be able to comprehend that my view of life is one in which the journey is shared with the hope of gaining and sharing insight. I am open in sharing just about everything in life, and I don’t view their way as wrong, just different from mine.
I had a keen sense of this insight yesterday and it was in regard to the lessons the Bible (and therefore) Christ is teaching us. Repeatedly I hear that we should exhort the teaching of the Bible, but what are they? Love one another is the ONLY theme throughout the entire book. How we love one another may be different, but just because it is different does NOT make it incorrect. I challenge anyone to tell me otherwise. Actually, those who think that their way is the only way offend me. Self-righteous judgments based on misinterpreted biblical principles applied to anyone’s life are wrong. God and ONLY God is capable of knowing what is in our hearts. How dare anyone try to place their interpretation of another’s situation into their self-prescribed context of the way things should be handled. It is wrong enough that they do this, but when they lack the good taste to keep these opinions to themselves they have no earthly idea of the hurtful havoc they spew.
Do I sound angry? Then you would be correct. I have been the recipient of this "well-meaning" horse manure. It is with every ounce of my being that I not say anything hurtful back, but thinking it is just as bad. Turn the other cheek is the way Christ says. But how often? Seventy times seven, I believe is what is referenced and I don’t believe that means you get knocked down 490 times before you can say something, it means you persevere through turning the matter over to God. But I’m still pretty darn angry!
I’m not looking to make a scapegoat out of anyone. I will admit and did admit in the opening lines somewhere about this experience being a humbling one. It is humbling to lose control over one’s life. It is difficult to let those we love "go." The possessions, yeah those too, can be difficult to release.
All this made me recall my hospice training. Each of us was given (20) 3x5 cards. The instructor gave us 5 categories. The categories were people, feelings, possessions, experiences and ideals. Now I’m drawing from memory here, so it may be a bit skewed. As near as I can recollect, under people we could write people’s names or classifications meaning spouses, children, sisters/brothers, parents or name them individually. Anyway, once we had completed the 20 cards. We turned them over, leaving them in their categories. Next in the exercise, we were told to arbitrarily pick 2 cards from each pile and get rid of them. Then she started with her "story." The story went: each of us had been diagnosed with a cancer. One by one as the story unfolded, we had to release a card from our stack. We weren’t given but a minute to do so. Quickly we released the unnecessary from our lives and usually first to go were possessions. As the story unfolded and our cards diminished once again we lost "control" over our circumstances and I believe it was when we only had 2 cards left. We then had to turn to the person sitting next to us and without looking they got to take a card from us. In the end, and by God’s grace, my last card in my hand was God’s. But the "pain" I suffered as I lost the control over choosing was as if I had actually lost my loved ones. Gone were my dreams, my experiences, my possessions, my dignity!
As I sit here, recalling the opening lines of my devotional and I realize that I am no longer in control of my destiny, I realized that I had better put my money where my mouth has been for all the blogs I’ve written to date. Am I afraid – you betcha! Can I fix what is occurring? No way! Now is the time that I will have to weather the test of faith. And in that I need to be clear. My faith is NOT based on someone else’s convoluted interpretation colored by their bias. Love one another is Christ’s message. As humans we are born sinners, but lest we all forget, Christ exhorted those readying to throw stones to examine themselves before launching their projectiles. My way may not be the way you would walk, but it is the way I perceive Christ leading me!
Looking up!
Barb
It continued, but the significance of that paragraph was profound to me. For the past year I have blogged about an almost continuing theme revolving around cancer. I have been on the "giving" end of being a caregiver, outside my home. It was never and still is NOT about my giving, or me but instead about the love I have felt and still feel that God has blessed me with in my desire to share with others and for some inexplicable reason especially those with cancer.
I haven’t blogged much this year, not for the fact I haven’t had thoughts or feelings, but instead because I’ve had too many and couldn’t grasp them all. At the onset of this year, I learned that my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. Just 2 weeks ago, we learned that my husband has adenocarcinoma (lung cancer – non-smoking) and in 5 weeks, our daughter is getting married. I don’t share this at this moment to garner sympathy. Is our plate full, sure, but like so many others, life is seemingly one chaotic thing after another. These are the thoughts I have tried to express in past blogs – that we ALL are too busy. It is in having a diagnosis that we finally garner the lesson of what is truly important in our lives.
As we grapple with the issues at hand, it has been interesting and humbling to watch the events of our lives unfold. There are some who would view this blog and my sharing it as wrong, mostly because their perception in how I handle things would not be how they would deal with the circumstances. They would not be able to comprehend that my view of life is one in which the journey is shared with the hope of gaining and sharing insight. I am open in sharing just about everything in life, and I don’t view their way as wrong, just different from mine.
I had a keen sense of this insight yesterday and it was in regard to the lessons the Bible (and therefore) Christ is teaching us. Repeatedly I hear that we should exhort the teaching of the Bible, but what are they? Love one another is the ONLY theme throughout the entire book. How we love one another may be different, but just because it is different does NOT make it incorrect. I challenge anyone to tell me otherwise. Actually, those who think that their way is the only way offend me. Self-righteous judgments based on misinterpreted biblical principles applied to anyone’s life are wrong. God and ONLY God is capable of knowing what is in our hearts. How dare anyone try to place their interpretation of another’s situation into their self-prescribed context of the way things should be handled. It is wrong enough that they do this, but when they lack the good taste to keep these opinions to themselves they have no earthly idea of the hurtful havoc they spew.
Do I sound angry? Then you would be correct. I have been the recipient of this "well-meaning" horse manure. It is with every ounce of my being that I not say anything hurtful back, but thinking it is just as bad. Turn the other cheek is the way Christ says. But how often? Seventy times seven, I believe is what is referenced and I don’t believe that means you get knocked down 490 times before you can say something, it means you persevere through turning the matter over to God. But I’m still pretty darn angry!
I’m not looking to make a scapegoat out of anyone. I will admit and did admit in the opening lines somewhere about this experience being a humbling one. It is humbling to lose control over one’s life. It is difficult to let those we love "go." The possessions, yeah those too, can be difficult to release.
All this made me recall my hospice training. Each of us was given (20) 3x5 cards. The instructor gave us 5 categories. The categories were people, feelings, possessions, experiences and ideals. Now I’m drawing from memory here, so it may be a bit skewed. As near as I can recollect, under people we could write people’s names or classifications meaning spouses, children, sisters/brothers, parents or name them individually. Anyway, once we had completed the 20 cards. We turned them over, leaving them in their categories. Next in the exercise, we were told to arbitrarily pick 2 cards from each pile and get rid of them. Then she started with her "story." The story went: each of us had been diagnosed with a cancer. One by one as the story unfolded, we had to release a card from our stack. We weren’t given but a minute to do so. Quickly we released the unnecessary from our lives and usually first to go were possessions. As the story unfolded and our cards diminished once again we lost "control" over our circumstances and I believe it was when we only had 2 cards left. We then had to turn to the person sitting next to us and without looking they got to take a card from us. In the end, and by God’s grace, my last card in my hand was God’s. But the "pain" I suffered as I lost the control over choosing was as if I had actually lost my loved ones. Gone were my dreams, my experiences, my possessions, my dignity!
As I sit here, recalling the opening lines of my devotional and I realize that I am no longer in control of my destiny, I realized that I had better put my money where my mouth has been for all the blogs I’ve written to date. Am I afraid – you betcha! Can I fix what is occurring? No way! Now is the time that I will have to weather the test of faith. And in that I need to be clear. My faith is NOT based on someone else’s convoluted interpretation colored by their bias. Love one another is Christ’s message. As humans we are born sinners, but lest we all forget, Christ exhorted those readying to throw stones to examine themselves before launching their projectiles. My way may not be the way you would walk, but it is the way I perceive Christ leading me!
Looking up!
Barb
Barb, my prayers every single day are that you and Bruce can make it through this trial with some peace in your heart and I have no doubt that you will continue to do it with grace and dignity that inspires people like me. Thank you for your post and your inspiration in my life!!!
ReplyDeleteWhew! What a blog, Barb! You were able to speak in a way that I can only dream about. I'm with you and your family, Sister, all the way. Keep lookin' up; I will too!
ReplyDelete