Categorizing your friendships

I just read a passage that literally made me stop in mid-sentence. It was about friendship and it asked that we make a list of our friends putting them in one of three categories. Life giving friends, life draining friends and friends who are and should remain acquaintances. The people in our lives all fit into one of those three categories. Now, I haven’t done the exercise yet, but what stopped me was wondering which category I would find myself in, in others eyes. All of us want to be included in the first category, but just because that is where we’d like to be positioned, doesn’t mean that that is where we’d fall.
Life giving relationships are not necessarily ones that are problem free; it is just that they have more of the tendency to build others up (and not falsely). These are the people who you trust will be there for you, should you find yourself in the position of need. Just because it may work one way, does not make it work both ways. If the relationship lacks reciprocity, it is not included in this category. Doesn’t this then work against the whole viewpoint of not judging others?

I don’t think so. You see, even though there will be times when we "fail" our friends by not being available at a given moment or in a given way; we are able to appreciate something in their character that allows us to be drawn to them. A life draining person would (I think) be immediately recognizable as someone whose needs and presence suck the life right out of each and every person they meet. Again, in my opinion, they would be hypercritical and one would never be able to meet their standards and they wouldn’t have any problem letting you know when and how you have failed them. But on top of that, they would constantly demand that you try, because their needs must be first and foremost on their mind and therefore yours. I started to type ewww, but I think ouch is a better reflection on this type.

The acquaintance friend is what I have always termed a "Ya-ha" friend. It is the person you meet casually and hang around with, but never get beyond having a surface relationship with. You share, but only to a point. Something in this relationship keeps you wary and you just never aspire to anything deeper. Should you attempt to do so, this is usually short-lived as they quickly find some way to eradicate trust.
But getting back to judging. The source with which I read all this was in Stephen W. Smith’s new book "The Jesus Life". What I found fascinating was that Jesus wanted and needed friends, and He knew everything about each of his (and us) and yet still invited them in. Do you get that? He knew Judas would betray him, that Thomas would doubt and that Peter would deny Him and yet, He still invited them into His inner circle.
The inner circle is another term I have used in my life. As Smith writes, "We can have many acquaintances in life, but we do not have the heart capacity to have many deep friends." Interestingly as we get older, the capacity seems to diminish. And again, interestingly, I understand that phenomenon.

As we age we get set in our ways and some are too rigid in their approach to want to change. I have heard repeatedly from friends that they feel that unless they stay status quo, they run the risk of losing their friends. My reply to this makes me think that they are not life giving friends then. Each of us is a sinner, a work in progress. That does not imply being stagnant, but rather a sense of movement. Life is not stagnant, life is moving. Get the point?!

I am a sinner, I am not perfect, but in my lack of, I have been represented as being fun/a goofball. If that analogy were used in the appropriate time and place, I would then hope that my status would be that of a life giver. I can not be all things to all people, but at 56, I no longer wish to be. I have found a niche in which I am more or less comfortable and wish to be pro-active in sharing the good, the bad and the ugly (as one of my life-giving friends calls it!) But for others my current needs  take away from theirs. 

As my heart is breaking at a very poignant time in my life, I am surrounded with the best God has to offer. I worry about "sucking the life" out of those I care about, because I am not use to being on the receiving end; but this is what is meant about the gift of reciprocity. Sometimes it does have to be about you – even if you don’t want it to. This is not allowing yourself to wallow, but instead giving a chance to allow others to do for you what you have done for others (whether it is them or someone they have watched you help). My heart is full of gratitude for the love and compassion being shown to me (and my husband). It is very humbling, but in a good way. You see, if you stand too long on your own strength, never allowing yourself to accept help, when you finally really need it, who will be there for you? God shows himself in our weakness. Too often we belittle those whose weakness we don’t understand! Why don’t we understand it? Because we don’t share the gift of reciprocity which is the key to life-giving friendships.
Which category defines you?
Looking up!Barb