The assignment, read the Christmas List by Richard Paul Evans, the reason initially was the continuing education credits for Hospice, but then became and more importantly so, to afford myself the opportunity to realize that the life we are living at the present moment, may not be the life we want to be remembered by.
The premise of the book was that the wrong man is being eulogized in an obituary. The thing is, it wasn’t so much the wrong man, because the writing hit the proverbial nail on the head for the man reading what he thought was his own obit, but, it was not true for the true identity of the man who had actually passed away. The only thing shared in this instance was the same name.
This made me wonder what my obituary would say about me! Have you considered yours? Have we looked at life as one big opportunity of the survival of the fittest? In the Christmas List, the main character is a well-known businessman, who awakes one morning to read his obituary. What this man reads about himself, he never gave a second thought to as he built his empire, because he employed the win at all cost mentality. Initially he is shocked by the remarks made, especially those of his supposed friends, his shock then leads to anger and he begins to think of ways of revenge. He also reads of the woman he is in the process of betraying and she, of all the people who could possibly have the most hateful remarks, instead recalls the man she initially fell in love with. This confuses him but when he confronts one of the people he is supposed to love and who is supposed to “be” in love him reality makes him take another look at the life he is living.
This past week, a high school classmate passed away after a battle with cancer and this made me stop and think a bit. While I knew of her, I didn’t really know her, but based on some of what I read, she was very well thought of. On my part this isn’t about self-recrimination, because many people pass in and through our lives and we aren’t afforded opportunities to know everyone, but in saying that, do we seize the chance for the people whose lives have intersected ours? Have we taken the time or blown through them as we try to grab the brass rings in life? What would our loved ones have to say about us in our obits? Would they say we got what we deserved? Can I do an accurate life review of myself? Some pretty tough questions have just been elicited here.
Anyway, the story goes on to say how this particular man handles those questions and then it also raises another important one. If we do get the chance to change, do we change because it is our heartfelt desire, or do we make the change for show only? In other words, is the change genuine?!
This book stirred my emotions. I volunteer with Hospice, and when I say that, it usually elicits some kind of “bless your heart” statement, which by the way is a southern euphemism, which I only recently learned can mean “you’re a fool” but in this particular conversation, I would hope that that wouldn’t be the case! But I digress. I don’t volunteer for the accolades, and I actually feel embarrassed when I do receive them. I’m not a Dolly do gooder. The point is that I don’t want it to be about me, but instead about them. It has been my experience that people are afraid to admit their needs, whether it be of a need of help, or an ear to listen to them. The recurring theme being that we are just too busy trying to achieve our goals we forget about people. We ALL have a story to tell. When you take the time to slow down and listen, you also hear people’s need to feel like they mattered to someone, somewhere at sometime and everyone of us feels that way, even if we say otherwise.
When my best friend/sister-in-law passed away, I asked if I could do her eulogy, and I was blessed to be one of 4 who spoke. I hope that it was a fitting portrayal of someone I loved as a sister. Was she perfect, no, and I didn’t try to make her so. Am I perfect, no but neither do I try to be. But what I hope came across was that we shared a relationship of love, honesty, and respect. I remember her saying to me, shortly before she passed away, that she didn’t want me to forget her?! Really?!!! It both shocked and saddened me, to hear her admit that, BUT, that is a very key feeling with the patients I now come across in hospice. They want to “hear” that they mattered and my challenge is to want to make sure that the people in my life don’t have to question that whenever it is they leave this world.
The main character in the book is “big” enough to face his wrongs, but only after he admits his weakness. And it is when we are weak, that God is able to show His strength.
So, to answer my own questions, it isn’t that I want to be remembered as much as it is that I want others to feel significant and to have mattered to me. To be able to learn is one of the greatest gifts and there is much to be learned, at any age. When you stop learning you are either a fool or dead.
The Christmas List is an easy read, I’d love to hear your comments!
Looking up! ~
Barb
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