Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!  As I stand on the cold kitchen floor, barefooted, up before the rest of the household, (so what else is new?) listening as the coffee percolates in its drip maker, I have a few quiet moments to reflect on all the blessings in my life.  By the way, I can say percolate just because I like the sound of it!  All too soon, the house will erupt in the chaos of a Ryan traditional family Thanksgiving, which starts with sleepy-eyed relatives descending on the quiet, looking for that first jolt of coffee and then OJ, nibbling whatever for breakfast and then all of us cramming into the least number of cars to roll out to do the annual Turkey Trot 5k.  The runners , and our numbers in this household seem to be dwindling, and walkers, those numbers are up, finish in an hour’s time, take our annual shot, no it’s not liquor but a family photo and then we re-fold our bodies back into our subcompacts and journey our way over the river….ok, creeks…..somewhere and through the woods – ok our backyard and start the preparation of the feast.  Once the feast is in the oven, and I always marvel at this part…….(married to a kitchen designer and being one myself, why we didn’t go for double ovens is beyond me!) we head outside to enjoy the cool crisp snap of November air as we play cornhole or walk the dogs.  This year will be no different.  I anticipate with glee this holiday of purported dysfunction.  For it is in the lack of perfection that I find I am most blessed.  There is always lots of laughter and for this day, at least, I am well aware of all the good things surrounding me.  Family, friends, health, a wonderfully aromatic kitchen – oops is that the turkey burning…..hold on……..ok, false alarm.

Well, to wind this up, I have learned over this past year, that I can only live life one day at a time and in each day, God has wonderfully made each of us.  He has hidden caveats of buried treasure in each of us and when we finally realize that when we slow down, we can see God in the details.  Years ago, I read a passage that to this day sticks with me. 

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.
--- Max Ehrmann, 1927

Wishing you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving!

Looking up!

Barb

Attitudes

What has happened to us?  Us meaning society, as a whole – we are so self-centered, and worried about somebody taking advantage of us that we don’t trust anyone.  Added to that is the idea of us wanting it all, but our wanting it at our convenience and we think the world should revolve around our individual schedules, regardless of anyone else’s time constraints.  Why is it that over and over again, the same people stand in the expectation stance, you know, the one that has them with their hands on their hips, foot tapping impatiently and the look on their face implying the question,  well?!  Interestingly, I am finding that those who consistently find fault with others are the biggest offenders of the stance.  They stand with their wrist out looking at their watches, speaking of busy schedules and lapse into a diatribe when life happens to others and it throws them off their day.  Really?  Has life never happened to these people?  Have things not come up that distract them from what it is that they normally do, that they can’t give someone the benefit of the doubt?  Maybe someone got sick, or was in an accident, maybe someone died or maybe they just were having a bad day and made a mistake or forgot.  S**t happens.  Life happens.  Get over it already!

My husband and I have been in the service industry for the past 16 years.  We own our own kitchen and bath company and to the very best of our ability we have met the deadlines we have promised to keep.  When renovating a kitchen, we have been able to maintain a schedule of being in and out of homes in 10 working days, barring any problems.  That’s replacing cabinets, countertops, tile, electric, plumbing etc.  Over the years there have been very few problems, but that is not to say that life doesn’t happen occasionally and we go over by a day or two.  As the economy has soured, I am finding so have people’s expectations.   When I think of some of the comments heard, it reminds me of the song the Rose, and in particular the line that states – “there are some who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give.”

For so many years, we have tried very hard to give our best and I don’t say that for any kudos, my husband, more so than myself, is generous to a fault when it comes to business dealings.  I am not knocking myself (after all I am the book keeper so unfortunately my eye always is seeing the bottom line), instead my generosity shows itself in what I am able to do to help others relationally, again, not a kudo point.  Recently though, I have felt under attack- almost as if I am (we are) to blame for something wanted that we are unable to give.  It is crunch time for us in our business, in this economy, and it is a lonely venture, with far too many questions and way too few answers.

People appeal to our giving nature, and we readily agree because that has been our disposition.  Last night I said to Bruce, that I felt sad, that in essence I felt like we were going to have to change our giving tendencies because I was feeling the weight of those taking advantage, which is what started the opening statement – What has become of us?

Where is the generosity of spirit, of neighbor helping neighbor, or for some, families helping families?  I will be quite truthful, today I’m not sure who I would be able to go to if I needed help, because I might interfere with someone’s busy life.  I’ve never been a tit for tat person, I don’t help with a you owe me attitude.  Never have, never want to.   Biblically speaking this attitude is even mentioned in the end times, in 2 Timothy 3:2 it states “For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.”

Other words used interchangeably were arrogant, abusive, selfish, bragging, and unthankful.  Does this resonate with anyone else?

For some, this economy has not had much of an effect on their lives.  Their jobs are intact, maybe not with all the raises or perks, but they are basically secure in their day-to-day lives.  For others, including us, this has been extremely trying and I’m not trying to cry the blues, I’m just stating the facts.  What appalls me is how people are unaware of the plights of others and whether or not they realize it, they kick people while they are down.  I’m not sure if this is on purpose or in their subconscious, nonetheless, it still “hurts.”  Whether or not we are aware, we have more or less become a smug society and that is said with emphasis on it being a sliding scale.

I hope I’ve ruffled some feathers with this post, not because I am anyone of significance, but instead to try to shake up our me and mine first attitudes.  God has called us to live in community, not solitude.  Who might you offer a kind word to?  We are coming up to Thanksgiving – what might you do for someone else?  At the very least, we should all take a moment to appreciate the lives we have been given.  Final thought – when we ask God to give us more, did we ever stop to think of all that we already have and complain about?  Might you ever think that God might say, “Why should I give you more……to complain about that too?!”

Looking up!

Barb

Prevailing provoking thoughts

Ok, call me a cracked pot if you want, but read this message for what it is meant to be – a stirring of your thoughts to what this world is becoming.  The events of the past week at State College, the political strife that is going on, the economic pitfalls, the lies all point to the power of a world fallen.  Who do we believe?  Can there ever again be an element of trust?  Show me anyone, and someone else will have their agenda take them out, so that evil will dominate.  We point our fingers of blame and everyone suffers the consequences.


Wow.  What I just wrote was definitely dark but is necessary to think about!  I just finished reading a series by Joel C. Rosenberg that was a fictional account based on some real events taking (notice the verb in the present tense) place in our world as it compares to biblical prophecy.  The books in order of being written were The Last Jihad, The Last Days, The Ezekiel Option, The Copper Scroll and finally Dead Heat.  


In the first book they were talking about Egypt’s President Mubarek, and I was reading this while the news was on in the background and I looked up in surprise when I heard the name I was just reading about.  These books were well written and thought provoking.  The statement always hanging in the back of my mind was – if this should come to pass, where do I stand?!  This is a question we should all be asking ourselves and unfortunately it is not an easy question to answer or even to want to think about.


Do we continue to live with our heads in the sand thinking nothing really bad will happen?  Do we really not want to see that evil exists in our world and we are buying into it at alarming speeds?  Our greed knows no boundaries and we are having too much of a good time to want to stop and think such dark, foreboding thoughts.  I am NOT a biblical scholar and yet I feel inspired to want to shake those I know to wake them up to the world around them.  Some may say it is coincidental, some may say it is hype but the bottom line for me is what if it is the truth?  Do you want to gamble on whether or not what the Bible says is truth or fiction?  Some may think, I’ll think on this later.  Well, without wanting to give it away.  What if your decision to explore it and apply it, is a second too late?  


I use to and sometimes still do read real fairy tales.  These are the happily ever after type books that usually wind up being dramas that come to a good conclusion.  I read all sorts of fiction from crime dramas, to tearjerkers, but this series by Rosenberg and also the Left Behind Series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins left me astounded to the consequences of not knowing enough about the Bible and its history.  These were fictional books!


I can’t make decisions for anyone in regard to their eternal futures.  It is, after all, a personal choice.  But as is implied in the two series I mentioned, when (not if) our world self-destructs and we are advancing at an alarming rate of speed, do you want to be “left behind” to deal with the aftermath?  If you think now is a dark time, I don’t believe we can even contemplate what that time may be.


Are you afraid?  You should be especially if you are sitting on the fence in your beliefs! I don’t know how to suggest anyone “start” on their journey, the way I did was to read the Left Behind Series, which lead me to check its accuracy in the Bible, which I now read regularly and am always finding applicable verses to my life.  If you had asked me a dozen years ago, I would have told you I thought I was a Christian based on my being a “good” person.  I now know that it has nothing to do with me and my abilities, but instead in believing John 3:16 and then in understanding that “it is only through grace that we are saved, not by our works” – Ephesians 2:8.


Check it out for yourselves!


Looking up!


Barb

Random or too much coffee?

HA!  I just read this statement by Martin Luther (not King) and laughed out loud:  “Think of all the squabbles Adam and Eve must have had in the course of their nine hundred years.  Eve would say, “You ate the apple,” and Adam would retort, “You gave it to me.”

I am continuing on in my thoughts in regard to relationships.  One of my kids just got married this past June and my husband and I are in the throes of planning the other’s wedding next May; I obviously have a vested interest in wanting both kids to realize that marriage is not the stuff of fairy tales.  Now don’t go ballistic in your thoughts thinking I’m unromantic, but do know that I am very much a realist. 

Life at best is about balance; some days you give more and other days you receive.  Which brings to mind another “saying” I saw posted on a face book page, which I then copied to my own……  “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.”  Hmmmmm.  The operative word in there is “expect,” and that’s where we start skating on thin ice.  What are our expectations of another person, especially our spouses?”

My expectations would probably be that whoever the person I might be in a relationship with, not be hurtful to me.  However, there is a sliding scale associated with not being hurtful.  Some people kiddingly make a comment, which they think is innocent, but the person on the receiving end takes in a completely different manner than how it was initially expressed.  As we seek approval from one another, we ask questions we’d like answered, but only if they are going to make us feel good.  Case in point, a woman asking her husband if her jeans make her butt look big.  Really?  Who would ask that question – men hate it, because it is a lose/lose proposition, which basically begs for a lie.  If you really want to know the truth, ask your children; but be prepared for the answer you don’t want to hear!

Speaking of this…..do you know the show “What not to wear?”  I think my daughter wants to sign me up for this.  I was talking with a friend this morning, and over our tenth cup of coffee we were commiserating about fashions as we age.  I’m prone to wanting to wear comfortable – think warm-ups, and having been a PE teacher, it is difficult to want to get away from this.  My next choice would be scrubs and I guess I deteriorate from there.  Mind you, I’m not yet into muu-muus or shapeless sweats.  That said, the fashions today, some of which I think are really cute, are for those whose figures haven’t done the muffin top dance.  And mind you all…..I exercise my butt off, running 3-4 times a week and I watch what I eat, especially as it goes onto my fork and into my mouth!  And it isn’t that much or that bad in case you wanted to know.  Anyway, I can’t think of the host(s) names, but there needs to be those same types of image consultants (not on TV) around here, it would be helpful if they weren’t affiliated with a particular high end store, because then the prices get beyond what the average person (like me) can afford.  The way I shop…..if it is on a mannequin in the store, then as long as it is in my “color scheme” I get it.  Otherwise, I wind up buying what the model wears in the magazine, which doesn’t look as good in a size (no I’m not telling) as it does on the size 0 model in the spread.

How the heck did I get from relationships to middle age body shapes? 

But these are the questions that really do plague the minds of people, especially women in our age group, and they are the things that cause squabbles between us (Eves) and our Adams.

As I close, my mind flitted to this thought.  I am heading out to go see the movie “Courageous” and that is precisely the mindset we should all be in as we face each day and each other.  We need to get a grip on ourselves and stop with the never ending quest for perfection and instead start living lives that move beyond our limited scopes.  A lot of what I write is tongue in cheek, but based in reality.  We need to lighten up and look for peace rather problems.  

Two of the best lessons I learned in life was first to trust God and then to learn to laugh at myself.  I can trust that God is perfect and I am not and don’t have to be and everything else will fall into place however it is meant to.  My worrying about it will not change the outcome.  I try (and am not always successful) to keep this in mind in my relationships!  Can you imagine 900 years in a relationship?  Yikes!!

Looking up!

Barb

Friendology

I haven’t blogged in awhile and although I have started some, most of them wind up on the trash heap, because they haven’t been flowing freely.  I’m not sure why I’m having this block at the moment, it isn’t for lack of material, but maybe more lack of time.  I usually do my morning readings at about 6 a.m. and then segue into my writings, but since taking a job 2 weeks ago, I now find I only have the time for the readings.  By the time I get home at night, my thoughts are so scrambled, nothing comes out sounding right.

So, let’s try my umpteenth one this week…..

“ology”  in medical termin(ology) the “y” at the end of the word means the process of, the rest of it means the study of – so, combined it means the process of study of whatever the prefix is.  So, I’d like to create a new word – “Friendology” – the process of the study of relationships.

This morning I was reading about relationships and how so many of us enter into them with unreal expectations.  These expectations or fantasies can be in regard to our spouses, our children, our friends and even our jobs.  I have heard people talking about being disillusioned and lost and feel it goes even deeper than that, more like they are disillusioned with life.

In one of the devotionals I read, the following thought was presented …..”and they lived happily ever after is one of the most tragic sentences in literature because it tells a falsehood about life and it has led countless generations of people to expect something from human existence that is not possible on this fragile, failing, imperfect earth.”  Joshua Loth Liebman

Wow, that’s quite a mouthful and it isn’t easily digestable.  As my children enter marriage, I hope they are able to view the relationship their father and I have, as the imperfect but real model of marriage.  We have had many happy years, but we have also had years where we struggled and sometimes those struggles involved hurt feelings and anger.  Ultimately though, my husband and I have and continue to work through those struggles. 

In every relationship, marriage, parenthood, friendships……each party brings something to the table.  Unfortunately the idea of what looks like something, (acts, smells, tastes) like something does not always reveal the true thing.  Huh?  Let me simplify – when you come to the table, do you bring the real you, or the person you think the other person wants you to be?  Because this is what I think the real problem is.  We don’t come to the table as ourselves, but instead as a concept or an idea.  Add to that, that the other person is making decisions based on “who” shows up and they also have to deal with the rose-colored glasses they have on.

Dealing first with the “masked” persona – anytime we are less than honest we invite trouble to ourselves.  This is the core of disillusionment.  Who are we?  It is very easy to point the proverbial finger of blame at someone else for whatever problem we are encountering, but somewhere at some time, we need to take a look at ourselves.  There is a particular relationship that has me befuddled at the moment.  I’m not quite sure what the problem is, other than I feel like I’ve done something wrong (and I’m not prone to false guilt).  In reviewing the situation though, I am aware that I am not the only one who seems to be having difficulty in the relationship.  Sometimes in review we have to look first at ourselves, but then also at the other dynamics.  People constantly change, but if you find that you are having a problem with more than one person, the problem might not be the other people, but might just be you.  Who wants to admit that?  Believe me, self incrimination isn’t fun, but sometimes is necessary!

Secondly, the rose-colored glasses we have the tendency to wear make us think all the people in our lives will fall into the line-up just the way we want them to. Well, I don’t know about you, but that isn’t happening for me!  What do we do, when our perfect scenarios don’t meet with reality? Too often, these scenarios lead to resentments, which left unresolved cause breakdowns in relationships.  Who’s to blame?  Well, both parties actually.  We should never enter a relationship thinking we will be able to change someone and we also shouldn’t make the mistake thinking those people we are in relationships with can read our minds!  Relationships require work and that isn’t always fun!  You can re-work the phrase “work”  rationalizing anything you want, but it still boils down to relationships needing time and energy…..YOURS!  If this isn’t an investment you want to make, then why is it any surprise when it isn’t “WORKing!”

I don’t have the answers, I’ve got a bunch more questions though.  Relationships go through evolution, hence the poem entitled “Reasons, seasons, lifetime.’  The basis for this poem is that people come into our lives for “time periods.”  When I embark on a relationship, my goal is always long term, to me, anything less is pointless; unfortunately goals are not always met and for me, when these goals aren’t met, I find myself in a state of mourning.  People I’m finding (myself included) are basically selfish.  They do what they do to meet their own needs, and while they may not always satisfy their needs first, they’d be foolish to stay in a relationship that isn’t of some benefit to them.  Not too jaded sounding, right?!  So why bother?  Because we were created to be relational beings, that’s why!

There is only one relationship that withstands the rigors of our impairments and that is with God.  If He is at the center, if we strive to keep Him foremost in our thoughts, then ALL other relationships have the possibility of success.  With God at our center, we can’t be (self-centered).  This allows for relationships (and all of life) to flow without getting bogged down in our selfish desires.  We can’t be all things to all people, but God can.  It is sometimes hard to believe, or for some maybe even to hear, that they aren’t God, but it’s true. 

Navigating the relational waters has always been a study in perseverance for me.  In some areas I’ve failed, in others, they have failed, but in each failure, I gain knowledge.  If we don’t cycle through our lives, learning we remain static.  I believe relational evolution is about the process of moving forward, even though we may not want to.  We grow older, not younger, we get smarter, not dumber (although sometimes we act it).  I never want to be misconstrued as saying I “use” people as proverbial steps on a ladder.  I’m not climbing to achieve a particular goal but I am learning to be a better relational person (at least that is my hope!)

Looking up!

Barb

Stalwart or Stubborn?

Bull’s eye!  I get it!  It took me a while!  This morning my phone started ringing off the hook at about 9.  Normally I am up and out on Saturday mornings, but this morning I just decided to hang!  It was one of the best mornings ever!  In talking with a friend on one of my phone conversations this morning, the person I was talking with mentioned a dilemma they were going through.  I listened and didn’t say much, because as I am learning, we (ALL) have to learn to work through our own situations.  After a few more phone calls, I finally got dressed and took our dogs for a walk, and it was then that I heard the tiny whisper of God in my heart.  What I heard in answer to the dilemma I listened to this morning (and then out of the blue applied to myself?) was that in any situation where we feel the need for change, we need to make sure that while we are running to something, it is not because we are running away from something else.

Let me explain what that means and I will use my own situation as an example.  We are all quite aware of the current economic conditions and as small business owners my husband and I are navigating waters we never anticipated.  My husband has remained stalwart in his convictions about our business and I at times might have complained that he seems more stubborn than stalwart.  The difference being that stalwart is determined and committed versus stubbornness’ being inflexible and obstinate.  Let’s not split hairs over the definition though.  I on the other hand, see what I think is the handwriting on the wall in regard to business and proceed to make overtures in a new direction.  Some might think that was wise, I mean I did!  But here is where this lesson I just came to understand comes in; I tried to circumvent God’s will in my seizing control of my steps.  I was running to something I thought was a good and an admirable thing and wishing to pursue it to benefit others (another good thing) BUT by doing so, I was relying on me to fulfill our monetary needs rather than trusting in God’s provision.  I was running to something good but it was because I was running from what I feared. 

So, what’s wrong with that?  Well, apparently because I still haven’t gotten a job in the career I was running to, I’ve had to re-look and re-examine my motives.  And what sticks out like a sore thumb about to encounter another blow by the proverbial hammer, is that God wants me to trust Him and to stop trusting in myself.  Money is an idol – an idol is anything we have that we value more than we value our relationship with God.  So, in my having enough money, I don’t have to rely on God for anything because I am self-sufficient.  I've been mocking God; saying I believe but not believing, because I wasn't even secretive in my approach to pursuing my own way.  And what I found out was that God will NOT be mocked!

In the four years my husband and I have struggled, we still have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food on the table.  We’ve had to cut back in a huge way but in doing so, I have “unstuffed” my need to try and glean satisfaction in things.  So, now what do I do?  Well, now that the realization has presented itself to me, I need to deal with my fear and I do that by facing it.  Do I have faith or don’t I?  I need to name my fears and then deal with them.  Most of our fears are groundless and never actually become reality and I’m not just trying to make light of fear!  Some of mine loom large!  That said, sometimes in succumbing to our fears, we in fact force them into being.  An example is one who worries about being sick, so much that they worry themselves into the state of sickness.

I have a friend who also lost her way.  She thought the road she was taking was the road God was leading her on, and that road turned out to have nightmarish details embedded in it.  What I admire about this friend is that she recognized this and is now seeking to retrace her steps back to the field she once enjoyed with both passion and success. 

Money is a real problem these days.  I have numerous friends who have shared with me their stories about tithing.  Unfortunately until recently I haven’t “bought” into it.  But I am now in the process of trying it and you know what?  Just as my friends depicted and as is mentioned in the Bible, giving (and it has to be with the right heart, so joyfully giving) has resulted in a recent influx of God’s blessings in my life.

There will always be enticing things that want to lead us down paths we should probably never consider.  The grass usually does look better when it is growing over a septic tank, but do we want to put up with the stench that comes with it?  What I would suggest when presented with a life changing choice is that we make a list – why do we want what we want but then we also need to make a list of what we are leaving behind if our dreams became our realities.  Then we need to take the rose colored glasses off.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m willing to bet that somewhere in the grand scheme of our dreams, the issue of money is buried.  Like many out there, my financial future is questionable at best, but sacrificing my joy has not been worth it.  We will always find something else to want and the hole inside us was only meant to be filled by God.  Because of the gift of free will given to us by Him, He will allow us to continue on our way, if or until we finally realize that nothing will ever be enough.  And in that day, we will finally have to relinquish our desires and learn to trust the One and Only One who can make us complete. 

Looking up!~

Barb

Assignment - what would your obituary say about you?

The assignment, read the Christmas List by Richard Paul Evans, the reason initially was the continuing education credits for Hospice, but then became and more importantly so, to afford myself the opportunity to realize that the life we are living at the present moment, may not be the life we want to be remembered by.

The premise of the book was that the wrong man is being eulogized in an obituary.  The thing is, it wasn’t so much the wrong man, because the writing hit the proverbial nail on the head for the man reading what he thought was his own obit, but, it was not true for the true identity of the man who had actually passed away.  The only thing shared in this instance was the same name. 

This made me wonder what my obituary  would say about me!   Have you considered yours? Have we looked at life as one big opportunity of the survival of the fittest?  In the Christmas List, the main character is a well-known businessman, who awakes one morning to read his obituary.  What this man reads about himself, he never gave a second thought to as he built his empire, because he employed the win at all cost mentality.   Initially he is shocked by the remarks made, especially those of his supposed friends, his shock then  leads to anger and he begins to think of ways of revenge.  He also reads of the woman he is in the process of betraying and she, of all the people who could possibly have the most hateful remarks, instead recalls the man she initially fell in love with.  This confuses him but when he confronts one of the people he is supposed to love and who is supposed to “be” in love him reality makes him take another look at the life he is living.

This past week, a high school classmate passed away after a battle with cancer and this made me stop and think a bit.  While I knew of her, I didn’t really know her, but based on some of what I read, she was very well thought of.  On my part this isn’t about self-recrimination, because many people pass in and through our lives and we aren’t afforded opportunities to know everyone, but in saying that, do we seize the chance for the people whose lives have intersected ours? Have we taken the time or blown through them as we try to grab the brass rings in life?  What would our loved ones have to say about us in  our obits?  Would they say we got what we deserved?  Can I do an accurate life review of myself?  Some pretty tough questions have just been elicited here.

Anyway, the story goes on to say how this particular man handles those questions and then it also raises another important one.  If we do get the chance to change, do we change because it is our heartfelt desire, or do we make the change for show only?  In other words, is the change genuine?!

This book stirred my emotions.  I volunteer with Hospice, and when I say that, it usually elicits some kind of “bless your heart” statement, which by the way is a southern euphemism, which I only recently learned can mean “you’re a fool” but in this particular conversation, I would hope that that wouldn’t be the case!  But I digress.  I don’t volunteer for the accolades, and I actually feel embarrassed when I do receive them.  I’m not a Dolly do gooder.  The point is that I don’t want it to be about me, but instead about them.  It has been my experience that people are afraid to admit their needs, whether it be of a need of help, or an ear to listen to them.  The recurring theme being that we are just too busy trying to achieve our goals we forget about people.  We ALL have a story to tell.  When you take the time to slow down and listen, you also hear people’s need to feel like they mattered to someone, somewhere at sometime and everyone of us feels that way, even if we say otherwise.

When my best friend/sister-in-law passed away, I asked if I could do her eulogy, and I was blessed to be one of 4 who spoke.  I hope that it was a fitting portrayal of someone I loved as a sister.  Was she perfect, no, and I didn’t try to make her so.  Am I perfect, no but neither do I try to be.  But what I hope came across was that we shared a relationship of love, honesty, and respect.  I remember her saying to me, shortly before she passed away, that she didn’t want me to forget her?!  Really?!!!    It both shocked and saddened me, to hear her admit that, BUT, that is a very key feeling with the patients I now come across in hospice.  They want to “hear” that they mattered and my challenge is to want to make sure that the people in my life don’t have to question that whenever it is they leave this world.

The main character in the book is “big” enough to face his wrongs, but only after he admits his weakness.  And it is when we are weak, that God is able to show His strength. 

So, to answer my own questions, it isn’t that I want to be remembered as much as it is that I want others to feel significant and to have mattered to me.  To be able to learn is one of the greatest gifts and there is much to be learned, at any age.  When you stop learning you are either a fool or dead. 

The Christmas List is an easy read, I’d love to hear your comments!

Looking up! ~

Barb