Right or Wrong?

"Because of our relentless pursuit to get it all right, we’ve gotten it all wrong." Stephen W. Smith The Jesus Life (8 ways to recover authentic Christianity).

 I read those words and wanted to cry. It is 9:30 on Sunday morning and I feel very much alone. My husband of 30 years is still in bed, traumatized by the effects his pain management meds are having on him. He just finished his radiation treatments and will begin his chemo on Thursday for lung cancer.

For 30 years, my husband and I have lived a very personally satisfying life. We are proud parents of two beautiful well adjusted kids, one married, one about to be, we were comfortable financially (emphasis were), we live in a nice home, and we own our own business, which the economy has taken on a wild ride into hell and only just now are we starting to see a glimmer of light. These are the things I believe Steve refers to in his sentence. We were relentless in our pursuit of our business deals and lawn maintenance. Does it mean it was all for naught? No, but as we now are sitting waiting for the next part of our journey, nothing we’ve accomplished to date, seems to really matter as it once did.

The dreams of money and retirement and seeing the world quickly diminish in a diagnosis. That is not to say one doesn’t dream or have hope, but for me, it does bring the thoughts of tomorrow back to appreciating the reality of today. Unfortunately too many of us live lives that are relentless. What does relentless look like? Busy schedules, overloaded agendas, with too many have tos and shoulds decorating our to do lists. Overstimulated kids racing from one activity to another driven by frantic parents racing in from work and to the nearest fast food place to give our kids happy meals for dinner. Gone are leisurely walks, children playing outside, neighbors chatting on front porches, picnics, and family time without a second hand recording the time spent, just to name a few.

Interestingly Steve also hits an area in the bible where Jesus tells us we have also gotten it all wrong. In Matthew 11 versus 28-30, Jesus states the following: "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythm of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly."

We are "trying" to do it right, by amassing more and more knowledge. Well knowledge was something the Pharisees of Jesus’ day had a lot of. They just never applied any of it to themselves. They sure set the rules, for which everyone else had to live by, but the rules never applied to them, they were above it all.

And that my friends is where I think many of us have found ourselves. Myself included until about six years ago, when diagnoses first started knocking on my love ones doors. The lesson I learned and am trying to pass on rather unsuccessfully is that today is the only day that matters and the reason it matters has nothing to do with how much we fill it up or even what we fill it up with.

I will put it as simply and honestly as I can. When it all boils down to nothing, who and what will be propping you up? Is your job going to hold your hand while you lie in bed? Do you have any true friends who might be there for you in your time of need? Have you established a relationship with God, the creator?

Personally, my job looks nothing like what I would like my job to look like. Interestingly that position is the one I find myself in with my husband right now, and it is not one in which I can draw a salary. Instead though, I have found that in performing the duties of the position they parallel what Jesus would have me do.

In regard to friends. Who are they? Are they true or fair-weather ones, disappearing when the need gets to be too much, or too long? Are they relationships or part of a facebook count and by that I am only asking about validity? The problem is because of our busyness, we often find ourselves having to "do" what is on our agenda, before coming to the aid of someone else. Is that wrong? I would say it depends on whether or not you are the person in need? Once you’ve been the person in need you might answer the question differently.

In talking with a friend last week, she brought out an interesting point. It was about how we tout ourselves about being Christians and yet seemingly lack compassion, which is the embodiment of Jesus. In simple terms you can’t be a Christian and not be compassionate. It is impossible, it is an oxymoron. Yet how many of us spew the doctrine that rarely is exhibited in us? Amassing more knowledge does nothing if it is never applied.

So getting back to the opening sentence. I believe our pursuits are what have been misalignned and the reason is the focus. As long as our focus remains on ourselves, we will continue to get it wrong. When we allow our focus to shift upward we will then be given the capacity to understand what is necessary inward that can then be expressed outward. I believe as Derwin Gray of Transformation Church states – Look upward and love God completely, so that we can then love ourselves correctly and then serve others compassionately. In doing so, we will find ourselves on the pathway to getting it right.

Looking up!
Barb

Categorizing your friendships

I just read a passage that literally made me stop in mid-sentence. It was about friendship and it asked that we make a list of our friends putting them in one of three categories. Life giving friends, life draining friends and friends who are and should remain acquaintances. The people in our lives all fit into one of those three categories. Now, I haven’t done the exercise yet, but what stopped me was wondering which category I would find myself in, in others eyes. All of us want to be included in the first category, but just because that is where we’d like to be positioned, doesn’t mean that that is where we’d fall.
Life giving relationships are not necessarily ones that are problem free; it is just that they have more of the tendency to build others up (and not falsely). These are the people who you trust will be there for you, should you find yourself in the position of need. Just because it may work one way, does not make it work both ways. If the relationship lacks reciprocity, it is not included in this category. Doesn’t this then work against the whole viewpoint of not judging others?

I don’t think so. You see, even though there will be times when we "fail" our friends by not being available at a given moment or in a given way; we are able to appreciate something in their character that allows us to be drawn to them. A life draining person would (I think) be immediately recognizable as someone whose needs and presence suck the life right out of each and every person they meet. Again, in my opinion, they would be hypercritical and one would never be able to meet their standards and they wouldn’t have any problem letting you know when and how you have failed them. But on top of that, they would constantly demand that you try, because their needs must be first and foremost on their mind and therefore yours. I started to type ewww, but I think ouch is a better reflection on this type.

The acquaintance friend is what I have always termed a "Ya-ha" friend. It is the person you meet casually and hang around with, but never get beyond having a surface relationship with. You share, but only to a point. Something in this relationship keeps you wary and you just never aspire to anything deeper. Should you attempt to do so, this is usually short-lived as they quickly find some way to eradicate trust.
But getting back to judging. The source with which I read all this was in Stephen W. Smith’s new book "The Jesus Life". What I found fascinating was that Jesus wanted and needed friends, and He knew everything about each of his (and us) and yet still invited them in. Do you get that? He knew Judas would betray him, that Thomas would doubt and that Peter would deny Him and yet, He still invited them into His inner circle.
The inner circle is another term I have used in my life. As Smith writes, "We can have many acquaintances in life, but we do not have the heart capacity to have many deep friends." Interestingly as we get older, the capacity seems to diminish. And again, interestingly, I understand that phenomenon.

As we age we get set in our ways and some are too rigid in their approach to want to change. I have heard repeatedly from friends that they feel that unless they stay status quo, they run the risk of losing their friends. My reply to this makes me think that they are not life giving friends then. Each of us is a sinner, a work in progress. That does not imply being stagnant, but rather a sense of movement. Life is not stagnant, life is moving. Get the point?!

I am a sinner, I am not perfect, but in my lack of, I have been represented as being fun/a goofball. If that analogy were used in the appropriate time and place, I would then hope that my status would be that of a life giver. I can not be all things to all people, but at 56, I no longer wish to be. I have found a niche in which I am more or less comfortable and wish to be pro-active in sharing the good, the bad and the ugly (as one of my life-giving friends calls it!) But for others my current needs  take away from theirs. 

As my heart is breaking at a very poignant time in my life, I am surrounded with the best God has to offer. I worry about "sucking the life" out of those I care about, because I am not use to being on the receiving end; but this is what is meant about the gift of reciprocity. Sometimes it does have to be about you – even if you don’t want it to. This is not allowing yourself to wallow, but instead giving a chance to allow others to do for you what you have done for others (whether it is them or someone they have watched you help). My heart is full of gratitude for the love and compassion being shown to me (and my husband). It is very humbling, but in a good way. You see, if you stand too long on your own strength, never allowing yourself to accept help, when you finally really need it, who will be there for you? God shows himself in our weakness. Too often we belittle those whose weakness we don’t understand! Why don’t we understand it? Because we don’t share the gift of reciprocity which is the key to life-giving friendships.
Which category defines you?
Looking up!Barb

Difficult life lessons

Each morning I read from a devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Yesterday’s read "This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete. Take time to bask in the Light of My Love. As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens us, releasing your prized possession into My care."

It continued, but the significance of that paragraph was profound to me. For the past year I have blogged about an almost continuing theme revolving around cancer. I have been on the "giving" end of being a caregiver, outside my home. It was never and still is NOT about my giving, or me but instead about the love I have felt and still feel that God has blessed me with in my desire to share with others and for some inexplicable reason especially those with cancer.

I haven’t blogged much this year, not for the fact I haven’t had thoughts or feelings, but instead because I’ve had too many and couldn’t grasp them all. At the onset of this year, I learned that my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. Just 2 weeks ago, we learned that my husband has adenocarcinoma (lung cancer – non-smoking) and in 5 weeks, our daughter is getting married. I don’t share this at this moment to garner sympathy. Is our plate full, sure, but like so many others, life is seemingly one chaotic thing after another. These are the thoughts I have tried to express in past blogs – that we ALL are too busy. It is in having a diagnosis that we finally garner the lesson of what is truly important in our lives.

As we grapple with the issues at hand, it has been interesting and humbling to watch the events of our lives unfold. There are some who would view this blog and my sharing it as wrong, mostly because their perception in how I handle things would not be how they would deal with the circumstances. They would not be able to comprehend that my view of life is one in which the journey is shared with the hope of gaining and sharing insight. I am open in sharing just about everything in life, and I don’t view their way as wrong, just different from mine.

I had a keen sense of this insight yesterday and it was in regard to the lessons the Bible (and therefore) Christ is teaching us. Repeatedly I hear that we should exhort the teaching of the Bible, but what are they? Love one another is the ONLY theme throughout the entire book. How we love one another may be different, but just because it is different does NOT make it incorrect. I challenge anyone to tell me otherwise. Actually, those who think that their way is the only way offend me. Self-righteous judgments based on misinterpreted biblical principles applied to anyone’s life are wrong. God and ONLY God is capable of knowing what is in our hearts. How dare anyone try to place their interpretation of another’s situation into their self-prescribed context of the way things should be handled. It is wrong enough that they do this, but when they lack the good taste to keep these opinions to themselves they have no earthly idea of the hurtful havoc they spew.

Do I sound angry? Then you would be correct. I have been the recipient of this "well-meaning" horse manure. It is with every ounce of my being that I not say anything hurtful back, but thinking it is just as bad. Turn the other cheek is the way Christ says. But how often? Seventy times seven, I believe is what is referenced and I don’t believe that means you get knocked down 490 times before you can say something, it means you persevere through turning the matter over to God. But I’m still pretty darn angry!
I’m not looking to make a scapegoat out of anyone. I will admit and did admit in the opening lines somewhere about this experience being a humbling one. It is humbling to lose control over one’s life. It is difficult to let those we love "go." The possessions, yeah those too, can be difficult to release.

All this made me recall my hospice training. Each of us was given (20) 3x5 cards. The instructor gave us 5 categories. The categories were people, feelings, possessions, experiences and ideals. Now I’m drawing from memory here, so it may be a bit skewed. As near as I can recollect, under people we could write people’s names or classifications meaning spouses, children, sisters/brothers, parents or name them individually. Anyway, once we had completed the 20 cards. We turned them over, leaving them in their categories. Next in the exercise, we were told to arbitrarily pick 2 cards from each pile and get rid of them. Then she started with her "story." The story went: each of us had been diagnosed with a cancer. One by one as the story unfolded, we had to release a card from our stack. We weren’t given but a minute to do so. Quickly we released the unnecessary from our lives and usually first to go were possessions. As the story unfolded and our cards diminished once again we lost "control" over our circumstances and I believe it was when we only had 2 cards left. We then had to turn to the person sitting next to us and without looking they got to take a card from us. In the end, and by God’s grace, my last card in my hand was God’s. But the "pain" I suffered as I lost the control over choosing was as if I had actually lost my loved ones. Gone were my dreams, my experiences, my possessions, my dignity!

As I sit here, recalling the opening lines of my devotional and I realize that I am no longer in control of my destiny, I realized that I had better put my money where my mouth has been for all the blogs I’ve written to date. Am I afraid – you betcha! Can I fix what is occurring? No way! Now is the time that I will have to weather the test of faith. And in that I need to be clear. My faith is NOT based on someone else’s convoluted interpretation colored by their bias. Love one another is Christ’s message. As humans we are born sinners, but lest we all forget, Christ exhorted those readying to throw stones to examine themselves before launching their projectiles. My way may not be the way you would walk, but it is the way I perceive Christ leading me!



Looking up!
Barb

Life Puzzle, where do your pieces fall?

I’ve been there for others in their time of need and now, when I am at a low point, it has been pointed out to me that I am not measuring up, I’ve changed. Maybe not in those exact words, but similarly stated. My "change" has not been out of ill-will, but instead from my own need to re-charge. I am not some superhuman force and just as I was thinking that there was something wrong with my perception, I came across this sentence, from "The Lazarus Life" by Stephen W. Smith.

"Study might be a part of community, but vulnerability is an even more important part. Vulnerability means a certain kind of soul nakedness."
What Steve is referring to is the Biblical story of Lazarus as he is being transformed from death back to life. I highly recommend you read the story, but to cut to the chase, Jesus shows up, after His buddy, Lazarus dies. Oh, and by the way, He (Jesus) was purposely late! Anyway, He shows up and is at the tomb of His friend, when He performs a miracle, asking Lazarus to come forth. (In today’s vernacular – get up and c’mon down!). Lazarus comes from the depths of the tomb, more or less mummified, he’s been in there a couple of days and he’s been wrapped up! Now, as the story goes, Jesus did the miracle (raising Lazarus from the dead), but He expects us to do the things we can do (unwrap Lazarus from the mummifying cloths). Did I mention, because Lazarus had been dead a few days, he was stinky?

What I absolutely love about Steve’s book is that he can take the grave clothes of Lazarus and make me see that the vulnerabilities I’m facing are similar. The things that cause me to feel shame, fear rejection, or doubt my self-worth are every bit as unpleasant as unwrapping a body that has been decomposing. The question then becomes, who do I trust enough to gently and lovingly help me unwrap the areas of my life that keep me from being all that God has met for me to be? And that, is the dirty business of unwrapping life’s problems within our communities.

In essence, I have finally figured out a huge piece of MY puzzle and it has everything to do with how I relate to others. The better my relationship is with someone, the more honest the vulnerability factor. Scary stuff! I never "push" people into opening up, because for the most part, people are afraid to be that open. I have seen first hand those who "want" a close relationship and yet hide behind masks, not comprehending that their fear is what holds them back from a more meaningful one. I have had people tell me on different occasions that they never share everything about themselves for whatever reasons and that’s fine, if that is the way they feel. Unfortunately, it can and does affect the relationship. My strongest and closest friendships are with people who are willing to honor me with the acceptance of my vulnerabilities. The key being that it is in the sharing of each other’s vulnerabilities. As Steve writes "Oh, for such a friend." And he absolutely nails it!

He goes on to say that "we each bring something to our relationships that hinders us. Yet, we set high standards for others and "arrive" (name a place) with expectations that often lead to disappointment. Over the years we develop a long litany of disappointments with people." Can you think of anyone who has disappointed you? Are you a disappointment to anyone? At this point, I know I am! I even know why and it has to do with the perception of standards set for me.

This made me take my blinders off. What do I want? And it isn’t just a selfish question and to boot, I don’t know that anyone has ever asked me that?!! In essence, I want to be loved the way I love others. I don’t want to conform to anyone else’s set of rigid standards, but instead want to share (key word there) and enjoy life with those I love. I want less schedules and more spontaneity and if that sounds irresponsible then I guess I won’t be spontaneous with whomever is thinking that. Instead of looking for all the wrongs of something, let’s instead look for the rights. I want deep, honest and soul-filled relationships with those willing to share the nurturing duties. I can’t do one-sided anymore, unfortunately, I’ve reached the burn-out stage.
　
Looking up!
Barb

Turtle head

Ok, this is a typical conversation that goes on in my brain….

What’s it like to know that you are different? Different? From what? You know from others. How? I don’t quite know how to explain it. Well, how do you know you are different, how do you know that they aren’t feeling the same things you are feeling? How would I know, no one shares his or her feelings. Well, that’s how I’m different, I do.
People seem to have all sorts of boundaries and at times they can seem almost rigid in them. I’m not saying I’m "right" but my boundaries are loosely held. If I use family gatherings as an example, you know for holidays, but really for any gathering we might have, our door is open (ok, maybe there is a bit of a boundary, I do have to know you!) I know that families have traditions and those are nice, but we are ever evolving and families shrink and grow all the time. Is setting another place at the table a hardship? Or are people just afraid of change, and try to hold onto what they have?

Then there are the boundaries on feelings. I have blogged about this so much, I can’t find a new twist, but the reason I keep doing so, is that I see people so bottled up, they are like a carbonated drink that has been shaken and the can top is bubbled waiting for the release (explosion). I have experienced a likeness of mind, but in glimpses, as if we are turtles afraid to stick our necks out for long, preferring the confines of our shells rather than the exposure of the warm sun on our necks.

Sharing feelings is risking vulnerability and God-forbid we ever present as a person of need because strength is the epitome of essence. Really? I see it otherwise. I relate to people, who can share their vulnerabilities with me, because I KNOW I’m far from perfect and when someone else relays their insecurities I don’t feel so alone in mine. That does NOT mean, I sit in judgment of theirs, thinking that they are worse off than I am, which is what I think many people are afraid of.

Vulnerability means that we don’t always have it all together and that we are ok with having things be a mess, for whatever the time frame the mess is. To me, it is the definition of true, deep friendships. "Exploring the soul of another person means being willing to face the unknown of what might lie underneath their smiling face" a quote from Stephen W. Smith – The Lazarus Life. He goes on to say courage in French means "heart." "Having courage means having the heart to enter another person’s heart, resisting the temptation to fix what you see or give advice. Good probing questions help each other become more aware of one’s self and God." Isn’t that the solution? Recognizing the problem, so we can take the steps necessary to solve it? It doesn’t matter how many times someone else points out "our" problem, until we unwrap it, we can’t do anything about it! Having a good sounding board makes all the difference in the world. It is key though that the sounding board NOT sit in judgment or dispense advice!

That last quote sums up "my" different. I am beyond blessed when I encounter people who don’t try to change me, but instead listen and ask me how I am feeling, to want to help me untie the ties that bind me and hamper me from achieving my potential. Hopefully this is what I try to do for others as well, but it all begins with an openness or willingness to explore parts of yourself that you have kept hidden. Is it easy….gosh no. In fact, I just spoke with someone who is quickly becoming the true friend I speak about, and I said that in trying to sort through the things that I’ve buried, I found every conceivable distraction to keep me from doing what I had purposely set out to do. Why, because it is hard, and can/could be uncomfortable. Unfortunately it is still necessary, because I’m stuck.

Stuck, yes, stuck. I’m disillusioned that life isn’t necessarily the life I envisioned. It has nothing to do with my marriage or my family, but more that I envisioned a cadence that seems to elude me. I’ve lived to please people, to be well thought of and based my worth on their opinions. And I’ve come to a point where now, I feel empty. So, what now?! This is what needs to be explored. And please don’t trivialize it calling it a mid-life crisis…..if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in everyone else’s opinion, this might have occurred when I was 20! And no one is to blame for that but me!

Well, I hadn’t blogged in awhile and now you can see why, my vulnerabilities seem to be showing! I present as strong, but have been misread as invincible, and that really isn’t my problem. What I’ve recently found that in stating my vulnerabilities, someone equated it to being a victim, wow, my turtle’s head snapped back into the shell on that one! In hearing that, a lesson was learned and whether or not it was the lesson intended, I am not one who needs to be taught that one twice. What say you? Where’s your turtle head? Catchy name for an opening line huh? But I can’t "look up" if I’m not exposed!

Looking up!
Barb

Cha, cha, cha, changes

Have you ever gotten quiet with yourself? I mean real quiet, no radio or tv, no cell phone or Ipad. What do you hear? Today I’m home a bit earlier than expected and I’ve wanted to write something about the need for solitude. Here goes….
I recently read about an ailment called soul-sickness and found it’s meaning so apropos, that I can’t help but share it. Soul-sickness comes in a variety of forms and the one I want to speak about is busyness. Recently my days have been consumed with things other than what I wish for them to be. Partly it is my job and it is necessary, but other times I feel compelled to move to the beat of someone else’s drum and in doing so, I find not only am I exhausted, but I’m also feeling depressed. Joy is absent and those who know me best know what I am talking about.

You know when you have a cold and you ache and you are tired and you feel foggy. Well that describes me, although I’m not ill. I said to a friend the other day, I don’t want to "do" anything, I just want to "be." Which translated means if there is an agenda involved (specifics of times and places) I’d rather pass. I feel too busy. For some busyness assures them of their identity, they’ve got places to go, people to see and things that must get done. They get satisfaction from checking things off their things to do list and feel accomplished. I use to feel this way, I was a "do-er". But all the doing left me unsatisfied and empty. I not only didn’t feel important (not that that is important to me), I felt disillusioned. Have you ever felt – "Is this all there is?"

I have often blogged about being real and I thought I was. I thought I was on the road to transformation until I read this passage in the book The Lazarus Life. "Many of us in the West mistakenly believe that transformation happens when we get more information and get all the facts straight. Many of the programs developed for Christians today are based on that FALSE assumption. More teaching, more seminars and more notebooks do NOT result in a transformed life…The tombs of life teach us that information alone does not lead to a transformed life. Neither does trying harder or wallowing in shame and blame because of all of our failed attempts. Spiritual transformation requires a gut-level honesty about our fears, disappointments, disillusionments and failures. We are transformed when we allow God to do what information fails to do. We are transformed when we look at our lives and become aware of our real condition- no matter how bad it is, and face the truth about it."

What I have found out about myself is that by scheduling myself so much with what I thought were quality endeavors, I have drowned out the voice of God. I am not hearing Him and should I hear Him, I know I would be too tired to react. Cutting back should be easy, emphasis should. When the activities you are doing though are with someone else who isn’t necessarily on the same page as you (maybe not even in the same book!), feelings are apt to be hurt.

Do you know who Lazarus is (in the Bible)? He’s the friend whom Jesus loved, the brother of Mary and Martha and he’s the one who died and Jesus brought him back from the dead. Well, in the book The Lazarus Life the significance of the story is that Jesus "lingered" to the point of it being too late and Lazarus dies and is in his tomb. I am only a quarter of the way through this fascinating book full of symbolism. Stephen W. Smith, the author, equates the Lazarus’ tomb as our areas of darkness where we neither know if we are coming or going. "Without the darkness of the tomb, we still walk in our own light and attempt to live what we think is life." When he described his own life, Smith talked about the sin of busyness which assured him (and me) of his identity (me too) and assuaged his need to be loved. His busyness gave him the feeling of significance. As an extrovert he was afraid of solitude and suspicious of silence. Yet it was in silence that he began to find his true self and he discovered a heart embedded in him that had gotten lost along the way. Ok, not sure if I should quote that or just say I paraphrased a bunch of it…..we will go with the latter. No matter, wow did that all resonate with me!! I bought a green highlighter and I’m finding that there is more of this book being highlighted than left untouched! This writer, who happens to be the brother-in-law of a good friend, leaves me speechless in that he is writing almost to the "t" what it is I’m feeling. Talk about resonating!

For over a year I have been doing Bible studies with a friend and it is only just recently where I feel the message is not sinking in. It isn’t that I’m not interested in reading more and discussing it, although I’m beginning to think, at least for me, there this is an element of pride becoming attached with any dazzling commentary I might make and this is precisely what brought me up short. I’m only giving lip service not doing the application parts. I’m becoming booksmart, but not transformed.

Getting back to "being" not doing – repeatedly it has been stated that our efforts will not get us into heaven and yet we keep busting our butts in an effort to try to please God. What does it mean though if all of our efforts to do good works are conjoined with minds holding grudges or resentments? Over and over and over again, I read that we are to love one another. Loving others is NOT conditional based on their performance or how I feel and yet many of us rationalize our behaviors in this particular manner.

Are we able to forgive and let it go? Or do we only give this lip-service until the next time our noses get out of joint? I don’t want to be that person who won’t allow for people to change, especially if I see them really working on changing! Labels and judging are two attributes I am trying very hard to rid myself of and I don’t want to be associated with those who don’t understand that. I once heard that anyone who has a problem with you in regard to your Christianity is just not liking the Jesus they see in you. Well, the same thing can be said for those who want to hold you in their time warped opinion. It is their problem, not yours. Only those who seek, but more importantly allow themselves, will be transformed.
In quiet moments, I sense God’s nearness. In helping a friend the other day, I experienced true moments of joy in honesty. Yesterday, I sat with a dying woman, holding her hand, talking with her and her daughter. Although she wasn’t lucid most of the time, every so often her sight would clear and she’d look at me in such a way that I was sure I was seeing God’s presence. Both those times I was in the mode of being not doing and I was blessed. There is an unmitigated joy that transcends all understanding when you are in His Presence and once experienced, you never want to travel far from it. I am fortunate to have watched miracles take place because of love and the only way to get a ringside seat is to allow yourself to face the tombs of darkness in your life and be transformed by them.
Get a copy of The Lazarus Life – spiritual transformation for ordinary people by Stephen W. Smith. He makes ordinary, seem extraordinary!
Looking up!
Barb

Making the most of Transformation

Happy New Year!

Today we are a clean slate, a fresh page on which to doodle. As with the onset of each New Year, many of us make promises, called resolutions, to ourselves about the way we’d like to "live" this year. In essence, yesterday was our performance review and today we at least attempt in our pursuit to "do" or live better lives.  This sometimes calls for a transformation to take place.

What is a transformation? Transformation is a change, actually according to the Thesaurus; it is a major change! When I look at my life in review, I am able to understand the nuance of the emphasis in the degree of change! If we keep approaching life from the same standpoint we've been stuck in, why are we surprised when the outcome stays the same?! See why major isn’t such a minor detail?! Ha!

I have friends who, like I, are in the process of making some major changes in their lives and taking those steps are not necessarily easy. There is the factor of fear of the unknown that lies just around the corner and like a game of chess, the wrong move could land you in checkmate. Sometimes the moves we make we think are the ones "God" wants us to make, when in reality, had we not listened to the unmitigating fear that lies just beneath the surface, we might have seen otherwise. We think, we pray, we research and we hope we are making the right moves, but and that niggling word but, should always throw the red flag for us, not every opportunity presented is the right opportunity for us. But, we say, we thought it was God directed…here is what I’m learning, this is the transformation lesson.

God is not concerned with our comfort, meaning our freedom from financial worries. The more credence we place in our self-sufficiency, the more likely we are headed in the wrong direction. Sigh. If we are trusting in OUR own power to provide, then we can’t be trusting in HIS power to provide for us.
Transformation (according to my new favorite author – Stephen W. Smith) does not come from earning love. It comes from being loved. Once again I am astounded at the simplicity of the verb tense and it is the exact reason so many of us miss it…we aren’t supposed to be "doing" we are supposed to "be." When we find ourselves in the "doing" stage, we are acting in a self-reliant manner. We can’t "earn" our way into heaven, we don’t get there by performance because nothing will ever be enough and yet we persist in trying, when all we really need to do is believe. Hmmm, and the first two letters in believe are "be"!

In the notes in the "be"ginning of chapter 2 in his book "The Lazarus Life", Smith writes that sometimes Jesus doesn’t show up when we need Him most, and Smith profoundly points out that while you and I see today, God sees eternity. So while we are muddling things up, God is trying to untangle the myriad of problems we have created en masse. Waiting on Him is part of the process and we will sometimes have to work through the disillusionments in our lives while we wait.

How do we hear God, a friend recently asked me. I don’t know that I have the answer for that one, but I might say that God will not entice you to do something that will lead you on a path of not depending on Him. He will not move you to self sufficiency, said another way. God wants us relational to Him first.
My husband and I use to watch Suze Orman on Saturday nights. At the end of her show, she’d stress the importance of people first, then money, then things. I have no idea about her faith, but I’d add that God would want to be number one, then people, then the rest of it.

This past year as been financially difficult in our household. Business has been almost non-existent, we had one wedding and this year we have another. I’ve taken on a "contract" job that enables us to meet our financial needs (not wants), but through this process a major transformation is taking place. This blog was created a year ago out of my desire to share the insights I feel I am being blessed with. Has it been easy, no. Have we survived, yes. Would I desire to be better off financially, heck yes! But the best gift I’ve been given through this is the gift of God Himself, who has met me sometimes in the depths of despair and raised me to heights I’ve never seen before.

God has allowed my heart to be broken (and at my request, mind you) to the ongoings of life around me, but He didn’t leave me there, He put me in His game plan and allowed me to participate with Him working through me. And while those whom I’ve helped may or may not be aware, they have in turned been the biggest blessings in my life. And yet another quote, "It is good to be strong and able to bless others, but it is also necessary to learn the value of being vulnerable enough to let others be strong for you and let others bless you. In doing so, it is also a blessing to them." – Heaven is for Real

Faith is living life in process, which means you are not quite all that God has in store for you, but you are on your way. Because we are human we will always have doubts about our current status, but as a Christian, (having a relationship with Christ) means that I’m willing to wait on His timetable for answers to the questions I may not even know to ask yet.

I will end with this. If you are like me (sorry!)….sometimes we have difficulty asking for the things we need the most. What I am finding out is that people need to know that they are not alone in what it is they are going through. God wants us to be relational and being relational means we interact with Him and others. Anything, and I do mean anything, that stands in your way of "being" and by the way you can’t "do" relational, is not the way of God. Spend time with God, spend time with others. Because of the economy, many of us were forced to tone down our holidays. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I will once again state, that the best present I can ever receive is one of presence.  Last year proved bountiful!

Looking up!
Barb