Ok, this is a typical conversation that goes on in my brain….
What’s it like to know that you are different? Different? From what? You know from others. How? I don’t quite know how to explain it. Well, how do you know you are different, how do you know that they aren’t feeling the same things you are feeling? How would I know, no one shares his or her feelings. Well, that’s how I’m different, I do.
People seem to have all sorts of boundaries and at times they can seem almost rigid in them. I’m not saying I’m "right" but my boundaries are loosely held. If I use family gatherings as an example, you know for holidays, but really for any gathering we might have, our door is open (ok, maybe there is a bit of a boundary, I do have to know you!) I know that families have traditions and those are nice, but we are ever evolving and families shrink and grow all the time. Is setting another place at the table a hardship? Or are people just afraid of change, and try to hold onto what they have?
Then there are the boundaries on feelings. I have blogged about this so much, I can’t find a new twist, but the reason I keep doing so, is that I see people so bottled up, they are like a carbonated drink that has been shaken and the can top is bubbled waiting for the release (explosion). I have experienced a likeness of mind, but in glimpses, as if we are turtles afraid to stick our necks out for long, preferring the confines of our shells rather than the exposure of the warm sun on our necks.
Sharing feelings is risking vulnerability and God-forbid we ever present as a person of need because strength is the epitome of essence. Really? I see it otherwise. I relate to people, who can share their vulnerabilities with me, because I KNOW I’m far from perfect and when someone else relays their insecurities I don’t feel so alone in mine. That does NOT mean, I sit in judgment of theirs, thinking that they are worse off than I am, which is what I think many people are afraid of.
Vulnerability means that we don’t always have it all together and that we are ok with having things be a mess, for whatever the time frame the mess is. To me, it is the definition of true, deep friendships. "Exploring the soul of another person means being willing to face the unknown of what might lie underneath their smiling face" a quote from Stephen W. Smith – The Lazarus Life. He goes on to say courage in French means "heart." "Having courage means having the heart to enter another person’s heart, resisting the temptation to fix what you see or give advice. Good probing questions help each other become more aware of one’s self and God." Isn’t that the solution? Recognizing the problem, so we can take the steps necessary to solve it? It doesn’t matter how many times someone else points out "our" problem, until we unwrap it, we can’t do anything about it! Having a good sounding board makes all the difference in the world. It is key though that the sounding board NOT sit in judgment or dispense advice!
That last quote sums up "my" different. I am beyond blessed when I encounter people who don’t try to change me, but instead listen and ask me how I am feeling, to want to help me untie the ties that bind me and hamper me from achieving my potential. Hopefully this is what I try to do for others as well, but it all begins with an openness or willingness to explore parts of yourself that you have kept hidden. Is it easy….gosh no. In fact, I just spoke with someone who is quickly becoming the true friend I speak about, and I said that in trying to sort through the things that I’ve buried, I found every conceivable distraction to keep me from doing what I had purposely set out to do. Why, because it is hard, and can/could be uncomfortable. Unfortunately it is still necessary, because I’m stuck.
Stuck, yes, stuck. I’m disillusioned that life isn’t necessarily the life I envisioned. It has nothing to do with my marriage or my family, but more that I envisioned a cadence that seems to elude me. I’ve lived to please people, to be well thought of and based my worth on their opinions. And I’ve come to a point where now, I feel empty. So, what now?! This is what needs to be explored. And please don’t trivialize it calling it a mid-life crisis…..if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in everyone else’s opinion, this might have occurred when I was 20! And no one is to blame for that but me!
Well, I hadn’t blogged in awhile and now you can see why, my vulnerabilities seem to be showing! I present as strong, but have been misread as invincible, and that really isn’t my problem. What I’ve recently found that in stating my vulnerabilities, someone equated it to being a victim, wow, my turtle’s head snapped back into the shell on that one! In hearing that, a lesson was learned and whether or not it was the lesson intended, I am not one who needs to be taught that one twice. What say you? Where’s your turtle head? Catchy name for an opening line huh? But I can’t "look up" if I’m not exposed!
Looking up!
Barb
What’s it like to know that you are different? Different? From what? You know from others. How? I don’t quite know how to explain it. Well, how do you know you are different, how do you know that they aren’t feeling the same things you are feeling? How would I know, no one shares his or her feelings. Well, that’s how I’m different, I do.
People seem to have all sorts of boundaries and at times they can seem almost rigid in them. I’m not saying I’m "right" but my boundaries are loosely held. If I use family gatherings as an example, you know for holidays, but really for any gathering we might have, our door is open (ok, maybe there is a bit of a boundary, I do have to know you!) I know that families have traditions and those are nice, but we are ever evolving and families shrink and grow all the time. Is setting another place at the table a hardship? Or are people just afraid of change, and try to hold onto what they have?
Then there are the boundaries on feelings. I have blogged about this so much, I can’t find a new twist, but the reason I keep doing so, is that I see people so bottled up, they are like a carbonated drink that has been shaken and the can top is bubbled waiting for the release (explosion). I have experienced a likeness of mind, but in glimpses, as if we are turtles afraid to stick our necks out for long, preferring the confines of our shells rather than the exposure of the warm sun on our necks.
Sharing feelings is risking vulnerability and God-forbid we ever present as a person of need because strength is the epitome of essence. Really? I see it otherwise. I relate to people, who can share their vulnerabilities with me, because I KNOW I’m far from perfect and when someone else relays their insecurities I don’t feel so alone in mine. That does NOT mean, I sit in judgment of theirs, thinking that they are worse off than I am, which is what I think many people are afraid of.
Vulnerability means that we don’t always have it all together and that we are ok with having things be a mess, for whatever the time frame the mess is. To me, it is the definition of true, deep friendships. "Exploring the soul of another person means being willing to face the unknown of what might lie underneath their smiling face" a quote from Stephen W. Smith – The Lazarus Life. He goes on to say courage in French means "heart." "Having courage means having the heart to enter another person’s heart, resisting the temptation to fix what you see or give advice. Good probing questions help each other become more aware of one’s self and God." Isn’t that the solution? Recognizing the problem, so we can take the steps necessary to solve it? It doesn’t matter how many times someone else points out "our" problem, until we unwrap it, we can’t do anything about it! Having a good sounding board makes all the difference in the world. It is key though that the sounding board NOT sit in judgment or dispense advice!
That last quote sums up "my" different. I am beyond blessed when I encounter people who don’t try to change me, but instead listen and ask me how I am feeling, to want to help me untie the ties that bind me and hamper me from achieving my potential. Hopefully this is what I try to do for others as well, but it all begins with an openness or willingness to explore parts of yourself that you have kept hidden. Is it easy….gosh no. In fact, I just spoke with someone who is quickly becoming the true friend I speak about, and I said that in trying to sort through the things that I’ve buried, I found every conceivable distraction to keep me from doing what I had purposely set out to do. Why, because it is hard, and can/could be uncomfortable. Unfortunately it is still necessary, because I’m stuck.
Stuck, yes, stuck. I’m disillusioned that life isn’t necessarily the life I envisioned. It has nothing to do with my marriage or my family, but more that I envisioned a cadence that seems to elude me. I’ve lived to please people, to be well thought of and based my worth on their opinions. And I’ve come to a point where now, I feel empty. So, what now?! This is what needs to be explored. And please don’t trivialize it calling it a mid-life crisis…..if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in everyone else’s opinion, this might have occurred when I was 20! And no one is to blame for that but me!
Well, I hadn’t blogged in awhile and now you can see why, my vulnerabilities seem to be showing! I present as strong, but have been misread as invincible, and that really isn’t my problem. What I’ve recently found that in stating my vulnerabilities, someone equated it to being a victim, wow, my turtle’s head snapped back into the shell on that one! In hearing that, a lesson was learned and whether or not it was the lesson intended, I am not one who needs to be taught that one twice. What say you? Where’s your turtle head? Catchy name for an opening line huh? But I can’t "look up" if I’m not exposed!
Looking up!
Barb
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