Earlier this week, my husband and I spent the better part of 3 days in the hospital. He was the patient and I was his advocate. The only recommendation I can definitively state is that no one should enter a hospital without one. No offense to the staff, but there are just so many cracks one can fall through and the bureaucracy is tremendous.
What we encountered first hand was very disturbing. I choose not to go into it at this time, primarily for the purpose of not wanting to bite the hand that feeds me, meaning if we should ever have to go back…..I think you understand.
One of the profound lessons taught though was one of superiority. In telling of this particular incidence I am not, will not and do not lump all people with this level of status together.
One of the most unsettling incidences we faced was that we had a difficult time getting anyone to tell us what was going on. We had more contact with the person delivering the food, than we did with medical staff. We rarely, if ever, saw the same person twice and when we asked after simple requests we had to ask more than once……bath towels, wash cloths, extra blankets and sometimes (in regard to the blanket) it never made its way to us.
I don’t know if it is protocol, but medications were substituted and therefore looked different from the ones I was use to dispensing and I therefore questioned it. The pain pill I was use to seeing was yellow. The blood pressure pills a rust color. Neither of these did I see in his cup. Does it mean that he didn’t get them? No, it may mean that they substituted for them but herein lies the problem. Medicines cause reactions and everyone taking them reacts differently. The medical staff does ask for drug allergies, well how do you know if you haven’t taken some of them? Then again, what I referenced as being a "problem" drug was given not once but twice, and it was horrifying and quite scary (maybe not harmful) to watch my loved one suffer through the side effects. To be fair, they were dispensed by two different hospitals (I guess the notes didn’t follow the patient) but given too closely together.
But this is not the point of my blog today. The point is about superiority. Our final day was spent wondering if we were going to be able to leave and what time if so. Our oncologist stopped by in the wee hours of the morning and gave us the two thumbs up. We waited the rest of the day wondering why we never saw the doctor who had the "control" on the issue. We started asking about it about 11. No one could answer us. As the person delivering the food came in to ask for the dinner and breakfast orders, both my husband and I were feeling depressed. What was going on? Repeatedly I made requests to the nurse to try to find out things and I was NOT belligerent but I was firm in wanting to know!
About 3 p.m., a doctor came in and I sensed (and I’m taking liberty here) that our request was a nuisance, as if we were in the wrong to want to know. Let me add here, I wasn’t prepared with my own clothing, toothbrush and I didn’t know what kind of arrangements I needed to make for our dogs’ etc. But it isn’t about me! I was there to make sure that my husband was being taken care of. He received a partial bed bath because I was the one giving it to him. His last hospital stay (at a different hospital) he was given one every 3rd day. Really? When you are home, do you bathe every 3rd day? Don’t you like to be "refreshed" daily? Anyway, I digress; the doctor arrives and says that we can leave provided that my husband can give himself "shots" everyday. He replies he can’t but I can, because I’m a C.N.A. Well, if you could have seen the lip curl on that one. Meaning because I’m a lowly certified nursing assistant, I think I "know" so much to be in a position to demand the presence of a doctor. Was this stated? NO, but the look was all that was needed. I am the first one to admit that I don’t know everything, BUT what I do know is that ALL people needed to be afforded respect, regardless of their status. I realize that there are thousands of people being treated in the hospitals but when it is you and your loved one, you need to believe that someone cares for you on an individual basis. That you matter! The reason we choose the oncologist we did was precisely because he makes us feel as if we are his only patient! He listens to each and every word, every concern. We are fortunate to have him in our corner!
There are some who are demanding and that can be annoying. I think I surprised one friend in that I think she thought I was just willingly going along unassertively until she saw me in action. The thing was, my assertiveness is not in attacking the person I’m trying to seek help from. Not everyone realizes the finesse in which one has to deal with others, to preserve egos.
I’m going to end with a quote I read out of a 12-step program book. This somehow ties in with what I’ve written here, I’m hoping that you can see the connection.
"Self-righteous anger can also be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority. Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we are criticizing; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness."
If I was annoying to the "doctor" then I apologize. I have no idea the demands placed on a doctor. Truthfully, a life and death scenario does take precedence over a discharge, if that was what was going on. It was the lack of communication that was the biggest problem. We wound up on the floor we did, because it was where they had an available bed – in fact, that was the reason we wound up in that hospital, because where we wanted to be transferred to, that hospital didn’t have any available beds. So doesn’t it make sense to discharge those who don’t need them? Funny too, was that in the patient’s book of rights, they say they discharge by noon…..so you can see where our thoughts were.
I have experienced the "criticism" spoken about in my quote, I am not interested in my own righteousness, but I will protect and defend the interests of those in my care regardless of my status. In all fairness, I do not know the demands that were placed on this particular doctor on this particular day, so I am not trying to do a character assassination.
Anger though is many times the mask of fear. When one does not know what is going on, fear is the result. The only way I know to dispense fear is communication/knowledge. Anyone else?
Looking up!
Barb
What we encountered first hand was very disturbing. I choose not to go into it at this time, primarily for the purpose of not wanting to bite the hand that feeds me, meaning if we should ever have to go back…..I think you understand.
One of the profound lessons taught though was one of superiority. In telling of this particular incidence I am not, will not and do not lump all people with this level of status together.
One of the most unsettling incidences we faced was that we had a difficult time getting anyone to tell us what was going on. We had more contact with the person delivering the food, than we did with medical staff. We rarely, if ever, saw the same person twice and when we asked after simple requests we had to ask more than once……bath towels, wash cloths, extra blankets and sometimes (in regard to the blanket) it never made its way to us.
I don’t know if it is protocol, but medications were substituted and therefore looked different from the ones I was use to dispensing and I therefore questioned it. The pain pill I was use to seeing was yellow. The blood pressure pills a rust color. Neither of these did I see in his cup. Does it mean that he didn’t get them? No, it may mean that they substituted for them but herein lies the problem. Medicines cause reactions and everyone taking them reacts differently. The medical staff does ask for drug allergies, well how do you know if you haven’t taken some of them? Then again, what I referenced as being a "problem" drug was given not once but twice, and it was horrifying and quite scary (maybe not harmful) to watch my loved one suffer through the side effects. To be fair, they were dispensed by two different hospitals (I guess the notes didn’t follow the patient) but given too closely together.
But this is not the point of my blog today. The point is about superiority. Our final day was spent wondering if we were going to be able to leave and what time if so. Our oncologist stopped by in the wee hours of the morning and gave us the two thumbs up. We waited the rest of the day wondering why we never saw the doctor who had the "control" on the issue. We started asking about it about 11. No one could answer us. As the person delivering the food came in to ask for the dinner and breakfast orders, both my husband and I were feeling depressed. What was going on? Repeatedly I made requests to the nurse to try to find out things and I was NOT belligerent but I was firm in wanting to know!
About 3 p.m., a doctor came in and I sensed (and I’m taking liberty here) that our request was a nuisance, as if we were in the wrong to want to know. Let me add here, I wasn’t prepared with my own clothing, toothbrush and I didn’t know what kind of arrangements I needed to make for our dogs’ etc. But it isn’t about me! I was there to make sure that my husband was being taken care of. He received a partial bed bath because I was the one giving it to him. His last hospital stay (at a different hospital) he was given one every 3rd day. Really? When you are home, do you bathe every 3rd day? Don’t you like to be "refreshed" daily? Anyway, I digress; the doctor arrives and says that we can leave provided that my husband can give himself "shots" everyday. He replies he can’t but I can, because I’m a C.N.A. Well, if you could have seen the lip curl on that one. Meaning because I’m a lowly certified nursing assistant, I think I "know" so much to be in a position to demand the presence of a doctor. Was this stated? NO, but the look was all that was needed. I am the first one to admit that I don’t know everything, BUT what I do know is that ALL people needed to be afforded respect, regardless of their status. I realize that there are thousands of people being treated in the hospitals but when it is you and your loved one, you need to believe that someone cares for you on an individual basis. That you matter! The reason we choose the oncologist we did was precisely because he makes us feel as if we are his only patient! He listens to each and every word, every concern. We are fortunate to have him in our corner!
There are some who are demanding and that can be annoying. I think I surprised one friend in that I think she thought I was just willingly going along unassertively until she saw me in action. The thing was, my assertiveness is not in attacking the person I’m trying to seek help from. Not everyone realizes the finesse in which one has to deal with others, to preserve egos.
I’m going to end with a quote I read out of a 12-step program book. This somehow ties in with what I’ve written here, I’m hoping that you can see the connection.
"Self-righteous anger can also be very enjoyable. In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority. Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we are criticizing; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness."
If I was annoying to the "doctor" then I apologize. I have no idea the demands placed on a doctor. Truthfully, a life and death scenario does take precedence over a discharge, if that was what was going on. It was the lack of communication that was the biggest problem. We wound up on the floor we did, because it was where they had an available bed – in fact, that was the reason we wound up in that hospital, because where we wanted to be transferred to, that hospital didn’t have any available beds. So doesn’t it make sense to discharge those who don’t need them? Funny too, was that in the patient’s book of rights, they say they discharge by noon…..so you can see where our thoughts were.
I have experienced the "criticism" spoken about in my quote, I am not interested in my own righteousness, but I will protect and defend the interests of those in my care regardless of my status. In all fairness, I do not know the demands that were placed on this particular doctor on this particular day, so I am not trying to do a character assassination.
Anger though is many times the mask of fear. When one does not know what is going on, fear is the result. The only way I know to dispense fear is communication/knowledge. Anyone else?
Looking up!
Barb
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