Crossing the bridges of humility

In the midst of pride, I made a grave mistake and lashed out.  With reluctance I had to finally recognize my mistake and then feel the pain of the consequences associated with it.  This morning I read in Psalm 130:1 – If You, God kept a record on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance?

Part of the consequences I had to deal with was swallowing the pride by becoming humble not only to God, but with the person I lashed out with.  Sometimes in the rectification process you find forgiveness and sometimes you don’t.  With God, as stated previously, confessing of the error wipes clean the slate, unfortunately with humans it isn’t always quite that easy.  Many times instead you encounter a wall that stilts communication unless the barrier can come down and just because I may be ready, doesn’t mean that the other person is necessarily willing.

I am thankful that God doesn’t keep records (hold grudges) in regard to my wrongdoings.  I am the record keeper though and as my wrongs line up, staring me in the face they convict me into making a choice.  The choice is to confess them to God who is ready, willing and able to help me work through them or to succumb to the pain which inevitably leads to continued destructive behavior.

I did try to reach out; and I wound up bearing the sting of gentle rebuke.  I will now release the situation to God and move on.  I pray that God continues to soften both our hearts and that reconciliation beyond that of polite conversation can ensue.  If not, then I will accept that it was not part of God’s will for the relationship to continue.

 I am in the unique position of watching people come to grips with end of life issues.  I see them grapple with time issues that are no longer under their control.  At some point each of us may find ourselves in this position, so I’m choosing not to wait to try and make my amends.  Closure is necessary and too often we hide our heads in the sand, rather than dealing with hurtful situations.  I once helped someone write a letter to express the feelings that had been keeping them stuck for years and in the writing of the letter, I watched her release the animosity that had enshrouded her.  The letter wound up being burned in the fireplace, but then a new letter was written and this time it was a love letter that was both written and sent.  God is a God of love, and I believe when each of our times come; I feel that the more “love” that surrounds us, the more acceptable we will be to Him.  Yes, the personal relationship with Jesus must be the first step, but having that relationship means that we want to exemplify His likeness and the only way to do so, is to develop this love.

I did what I could, I tried to reach out.  It wasn’t easy and in some ways I felt like I was groveling but that was probably a resurrection of the pride thing.  As I have been hurt, I know that I too have hurt others…..but in the end, I hope to be able to write love letters!

Looking up! ~

Barb