Part of a team

As I walked around the block this morning the song “Always on Your Side” by Sheryl Crow and Sting came on my IPOD.  I love the opening lines of this song.

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

As a former physical education teacher, one thing I always tried to avoid was the “picking of teams,” by students.  I never liked this as a child, because those picked last always felt that they weren’t wanted or even more embarrassing was, if the teacher made you choose the least skilled people first.  Either way those without the skill set of the athlete felt diminished and wished to be able to hide. 

As an adult, I am still sensitive to those around me who “hide” rather than want to fully participate in life.  I had the opportunity (because I spent last week with the flu) to sit and watch a couple of my favorite movies.  One of them was “Pay it Forward.”  One of the main characters is a teacher, who has had the misfortune of being disfigured due to burns received at the hands of his abusive father.  Somewhere in his life, he learns that as long as he has his routine, it is enough and he can live.  The teacher though is a gifted teacher and his initial assignment to a 7^th grade social studies class, is the question how “they” can possibly change (affect) the world?  The young star in the movie sets out to help three people, who in turn should help three other people.  One of the three people the young man is trying to help is this teacher.  Things happen in the movie (I don’t want to give it away) and just before its conclusion; the youngster is being interviewed saying that his idea didn’t seem to work all the time, because sometimes it is just too hard for some people.  Some people can only stay “stuck” in their routines, survival is all they’ve got, or so they think….

And that is where the song kicks in for me, we are all waiting to be picked to play and when our names are finally called, we find a place to hide.  Why do we hide?  What are we afraid of?  I believe that this is a result of some sort of conditioning.  You might attempt to “do” whatever and the first time out of the gate you aren’t very good at it, but instead of trying again, you become upset with your skill set or lack thereof and don’t try again.  Life can hand you different trials and all too often rather than share in each other’s lives we try to live as though nothing can get to us and holed up, nothing can!  We in essence hide, rather than be founding lacking.  The thing is the only skill set necessary is honesty and the desire to try.  I too wished to be picked, but find myself warming the bench instead.  I keep trying and must be quite naïve in not being able to read some of the signals because I don’t want to stop trying.

Having just spent the weekend with my parents, I am struck with the need to do what my Mom is doing, before her dementia renders her unable to connect.  When I walked in, she wrapped me in a fierce hug and kept saying over and over, “I love you, I love you!”  It is as if she is making up for lost time, she wants to assure me (us) about her feelings.  She later told me about this “friend” she has, whom she needs to connect with to let her know that she is loved.  As she ages and has buried many a friend, she is trying with all her might to hang onto those she cares about, knowing she is slipping away.  Dementia is cruel!

I too feel time is slipping away.  Too soon, the memories do get all boxed up!   I too want to convey to those I care about that having buried a friend, I know that you can’t replace the time, the love and you can’t hug the memory or have it hug you back!  I look for ways to invite those I care about to share in my moments of joy, I pick those to play the game and sometimes they just can’t play, but I want them to know, I’m always on their side!

Looking up!~ Barb