I am in a book club and the current book being read is entitled “Garden of the Last Days” I only got through the first 40 or so pages when I decided, this book wasn’t for me. My reading tastes have changed over the years and while I don’t sit in judgment this book was a bit too explicit of a lifestyle I don’t embrace. The overall plot of the book is about a young single mother who has to make a living and works at a strip club. She meets up with a "radical extremist", who condemns this lifestyle while hypocritically partaking in it. Like I said, I only got about 40 pages into it and felt in that short period of time I needed to go wash my eyes out with soap!
From there, I went on to finish a book “Soul Custody- Choosing to care for the one and only you”. The final chapter I was reading was entitled “Soul Address” with a sub-heading “Spiritually One.” This I found fascinating and will share with you and I quote “Our bodies become the stories of our lives. The wrinkles of worry on our faces show the fault lines of tension, anxiety and gnawing depression we have experienced. Our scars reveal outer wounds and leave clues of the inner ones-the ones that often go unnoticed and unshared but still store the soul’s wear and tear. Our joys of sexual pleasure, intimacy and oneness reflect our longing to be connected with each other in hallowed and private worship where words fail to express what the body feels.” The author then goes on to quote from “The Message” which is a more updated version of the Bible (meaning a Bible that speaks in today’s vernacular), again quoted from 1 Cor. 6:16 -?
“There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one."
Written this way, I am struck with the phrase about being left “more lonely than ever.” I am very much aware that in today’s society, people are “hooking up” to alleviate their physical needs without comprehending that their bodies are connected to their souls. Either they aren’t aware of their souls or, they don’t care about them. But, with this understanding about this connection, sexual intimacy becomes more than just an “act” it serves as the connection of body and soul with another’s body and soul and I believe it isn’t something to be entered into lightly.
Reading those first 40 pages and watching some of the shows on TV makes me feel like I’m a voyeur, when what I really am looking for is entertainment. The thing is, the more exposure we get to this type of entertainment, the farther the parameters are pushed to show more. I guess I would equate it to getting high, when whatever the drug of choice isn’t enough to satisfy you and you need more of it to achieve the same “high” you initially might have felt. Just so you know, I’m not against a good love story; just leave something to the imagination! I know the author is depicting a set of circumstances that exist in our society and it is my choice on whether or not to read it, and I chose not to, but my point isn’t that. My point is truly about the mind/soul/body connection and it is my belief that we need to do more to establish this type of connection by teaching that sex is more than about pleasure, but about intimacy!
Unfortunately, intimacy means sharing an emotional attachment and for many that is “too” much. We are as a society becoming more and more afraid of commitment. I’m not sure when this happened or why this happened, but it seems to me, that having “strings” attached somehow means you are responsible for someone else’s happiness. NOT! Each of us is only responsible for ourselves. In a committed relationship there are certain expectations, and if you go by the simple rule of treating others how you’d like to be treated, it certainly doesn’t seem like it is an impossibility to achieve! The thing is, I think we have lied to ourselves for so long, that even we aren’t aware of what is the truth and we need to spend some quiet time listening to ourselves. Again, in the book “Soul Custody” the author recommends taking a journal and setting some time aside each day and getting quiet. He mentions the need for disciplined training in tuning out the “jeering” voices of condemnation before being able to hear God. The idea of the journal is to write down the ideas that pop into our heads at the beginning of our quiet time. This is an example of the “self-rejecting” lies we learn to believe about ourselves. Examples would be: You’re fat, you’re too messed up to be able to be helped, etc.
I am aware of a relationship that just failed due to the lack of self-esteem. Yes there was sexual intimacy, but it wasn’t a true bonding because the two people entered into it without knowing “who” they were. At least one of these two was hurt, but in reality, I believe they were both hurt. They both don’t know what went wrong and without spending some time reflecting on themselves as individuals, they will never get it. Remember the line Tom Cruise used in the movie, “You complete me.” Sounded great, but it certainly puts a lot of pressure on the other person! We need to be complete within ourselves, not looking for our other halves! I believe biblically it said “Two shall become one”, not two halves should become one!
I don’t have any of the answers, but I’m finally learning at 55, that it is ok to question things and that I have choices to not have to go along with the group. Sometimes standing for principles can be lonely, but hooking up for the sake of a body only connection is also lonely and potentially devastating from disease and the ultimate betrayal of self!
“God has a different message. God tells us it is impossible for Him to love us more. Nothing we do, have done or will do can ever change that. He already accepts us-we can stop striving.”
Take some time to get to really know yourself, take some time to get to really know others. Then choose wisely. No relationship is without its trials, but really knowing the person you’ve committed to, will allow you to work through those problems. There is a big difference between hooking up and being committed! The joy is in the commitment!
Looking up!~ Barb
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