The Garden

This morning, I am sitting typing my blog from my rockers, which are back topping my blog’s banner because they seemed to resonate with so many.  It is a beautiful spring morning, maybe in the upper 50s and I sit enjoying the early morning wrapped in my fuzzy bathrobe sipping my piping hot cup of coffee.  As the sun slowly makes it way up over my neighbor’s house warming the sky and kissing the ripples from my pond’s waterfall, I feel the promise of the day awakening.

Hope.  Experiencing the thought, I’ve just written above allows my heart to feel joy and I am blessed to see the beauty with my eyes and doubly blessed to recognize and enjoy it.  This is art at its finest and the picture gets refreshed everyday and never are any two the same.

Listening as the birds call out their greetings and before the sounds of mankind mar the beauty of the stillness, I am able to let my heart conjure up images of magnificence.  Take these images, internalize them because as beautiful as the gardens that our eyes can see, they are nothing in comparison to the gardens of our souls. 

My day is planned to include working in my own gardens, working the soil with my bare hands, removing spent leaves from last year’s blooms and pulling the weeds that have been allowed to accumulate over the winter.  This is true for my soul’s garden as well and I welcome the work that is necessary to prepare my soil for the plantings He looks forward to arranging within me.

The sun has made its way further up and now is warming the chair in which I sit.  I think I’ll just sit back and enjoy its warmth.  The rockers sit in anticipation, the  invitation is open.  Come and sit a spell….

Looking up!~ Barb

Saying I love you

Ok, I’m gonna say it.  Are you ready?  Wow, this is harder than I thought it was going to be!  C’mon Barb, just do it….ok, here goes, the subject is “I love you!”  Whew, now I’ve done it.  I’ve said it; I’ve put it out there.  But what does it mean?!

I went to visit my parents about a month ago.  My mom is in the throes of dementia and she can get stuck in a loop of telling and re-telling the same story.  I don’t share that information in any way to be poking fun; it is a difficult situation our family finds itself in.  I don’t say it to garner sympathy either, it is what it is!  When I arrived at the front door, Mom grasped me in a hug, and repeatedly said, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” I may have even blogged a bit about this before, but something grabbed my attention this morning while I was reading during my “quiet time.”  That something was that we have the tendency to strive after that which is elusive rather than being grateful for that which we already have.

The love I'm referring to has nothing to do with sex.  As my visit with my Mom continued, I got the distinct impression that Mom was trying to communicate something to me.  She was telling a story about a friend of hers, and how much she “loved” this friend.  There was a depth to the feelings she was trying to share and before you start thinking this is odd, let me ask you, have you ever allowed yourself the freedom to truly love someone?

Nancy (my BFF/sister-in-law and the only reason I keep qualifying this, is because I have a sister Nancy as well, and I don’t want the confusion of her trying to explain why I keep referring to her in the past tense), anyway, Nancy passed away, and shortly before that time she and I had a conversation that might appear to have sounded strange.  We were discussing love and she was saying that she never knew she was “loved” per se.  She was married, she was a Mom, she was a daughter, a niece and a sister, but all that “love” was because they were obligated to, because of what the roles implied.  It kind of hurt to hear that, because as her friend, I loved her in the depths of my heart!  She was one of the few people that I would have actually laid my life on the line for and I literally mean that.  Continuing on in our conversation, she said to me, “Barb, I don’t want you to forget me.”  I looked at her in amazement; she truly didn’t understand how I felt, because if she did, I don’t think she would have made that comment!

When I was with my Mom, she was demonstrating an “ache” with her words, a need to be understood about the depth of her feelings.  I don’t know if anyone else can relate, but this is a very special feeling, I know it, I’ve felt it and I am blessed to say, I am still able to feel it.  This is a deeply personal feeling and for that reason, we are hesitant to say it because to say it aloud, we run the risk of laying bare our hearts and the possibility of rejection is so great.  On the other hand, to not share it, you run the greatest possibility of going through life missing out on one of life’s greatest joys.

Today, unfortunately I feel it is said, rather casually, I hear it all the time when people hang up the phone, “love you, mean it!”  Really, you have to say mean it afterwards?!  Why would you say it if you didn’t mean it?  And unfortunately for me, the more casually it is used, the less impact it holds, at least for me. 

No, for me to share those special three words, I really do have to mean it, those words come from a place deep inside me, there is nothing flippant about them.  There are too many other words out there that can express our feelings, I’m going to reserve those extraordinary three words for those individuals who are distinctive in my life, and they should know who they are!

Looking up!~ Barb

Heart Speak

Heart speak is the tender outpouring of words and actions without the filter of the analytical mind.  Unfortunately our minds tend to serve as the judge and jury of whatever it takes in and more often than not that information should be bypassed with our hearts.

It is said that Jesus knows each of our hearts, meaning that deepest part of us where He is at the center.  When we are tender-hearted, we are sensitive to those people or things that He is mindful of.  When our minds seize control and place their judgments over people and things, we become indifferent to them or worse yet, when we think that they are “against” us, we become hardened or calloused against them.

When our hearts are in this state, hardened and calloused, we are unable to allow any penetration or outpouring of God’s love.  At this point we are lost. 

I was asked the other day to name a fear.  My fear is to be lost, or abandoned …..by God.  If I allow my heart to stay hardened, as stated above, I can’t feel Him in me and my outward appearance becomes cynical.  So what keeps me separated?  Me.  Because in my desire/need to be “right” I am unable to be forgiving.

Have you ever known or even loved someone, whose outlook on the world is just dark?  Somewhere along the line, they were hurt and rather than take that hurt to God and lay it at His feet, they have taken that hurt into their heart and used it against themselves.  Forgiveness is the key.  Forgiveness of the other person, the situation or themselves, unlocks that door and rolls out that welcome mat.  No forgiveness does not mean you forget, it just means you’ve allowed your heart to be opened to the healing that is waiting just outside its chambers.

I do not mean to sound trite, in my seemingly easy explanation.  I have experienced the heartfelt hurts and have built many a wall to try to protect myself and it was through that experience that I learned of my own calloused, hardened heart.  I had to take that hurt or rejection and lay it at God’s feet and the most difficult thing I then had to do was not pick it back up, you see, it had become familiar to me, like a crutch.  It became part of who I was!

Yes, I still can allow myself to be hurt, that is just a possibility when you open your heart to others, but now, instead of letting my mind filter the situations, I try to let God be the filter of my heart.  When my mind leads, I can get into relationships I have no business being involved in, but when my heart leads, I am secure in God’s blessings of those people and situations.

Looking up!~Barb

Master Peace

Each morning is like a new canvas given to an artist.  And whether or not you want to believe in your ability, each of us is the artist, no matter what our medium may be.  For some they are creative – painter, musician, writer; for others they may be teachers, factory workers, parents, the list goes on.  It does not matter what our skills are, we get a fresh canvas with which to work every day.  At the end of the day, our art is framed and hung for all to see.

Too many of us start our days stressed and it is as if we take the canvas of our day and splatter our color carelessly on it.  There isn’t necessarily any rhyme or reason to it and the colors can be bold and vivid, but at the end of the day, when the stress has beaten us down, the picture seems as if it has been over coated with black.  I use to feel this way.

It has been my recent experience though that by starting my day with conscious quiet time with God, that I still get my canvas each morning and I still get to create however instead of the quick, choppy splatter marks of my own doing, I instead get the hand of the Master helping me create long, flowing beautiful strokes.  At the end of my day, I am able to look back with contentment.

Our lives are His Masterpiece or said the same but differently, His MasterPeace.  When we allow Him the opportunity to be present, He helps us create beautiful works of art.  What moves you?  I have been blessed to be moved by music, like Pachelbel's Canon in D, or by photographs of nature.  Pictures of faces both the young and the old  also move me. The creamy, soft texture of a baby's face on to the deep wrinkles of the aged tells a story and for me, the wrinkles we achieve as we age, are a thing of beauty, because it tells me that that person has lived! 

Yes, starting my day consciously quiet has changed my life's view of the art I wish to create.

Looking up!~Barb

What's on your to-do list?

I use to be a “planner.”  I would (and still do on occasion) get up each morning and write out a list of the things I need to do.  Don’t you?  I guess I’m asking if there is anyone out there who doesn’t at least mentally make that list?  What about your “Bucket List?” If you saw the movie, it was about the list of things you’d like to see or do, before you pass away.  Lists and more lists, yet the desire is for simplicity.

It was pointed out to me that my “To-Do” list had become an idol directing my life.  An idol?  If you think about it, an idol is something that distracts you from hearing and practicing the nearness of God.  Before you think I’ve gone off the deep end, I’m saying that I would base the success of my day on the number of items I got to checked off that list.  Really!  I mean, if I started my list, after I had already done a task, I would still write that task down so I could cross it off!!!  So, if I didn’t finish my list, was I a failure for that day?!!  Did I cheat and take something off the list, just so I could make it look like my day was more successful? Did I take a list that said Saturday and write a slash and add Sunday, making it look like I planned it for the whole weekend?  Sadly, I have to say yes!  But what I really was doing was basing my "worth" on MY idea of MY accomplishments and that is not how God wants us keeping score. 

We all yearn for simpler times.  We think, when our lives aren’t so hectic, we’ll have time to do (blank).  Unfortunately, and I really don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble, but, the day at hand is probably going to be the simplest time, not to mention that we are only given today, so if you keeping putting off your enjoyment you may never get to realize it.  In my mind, once I got to the end of being able to make my lists, then I would have time to have fun, but unfortunately, the list winds up repeating itself – well at least if you like a clean house and clean clothes it does!

The picture on my blog this month is one I took from a cruise we went on to Bermuda, back in 2007, before the economy fell apart.  The occasion was our 25^th wedding anniversary and our entire family (31 of us) were all together.  My husband is also a planner, and he asked me, what I wanted to do for our anniversary.  I’m big into family, so I thought; let’s have a big family reunion.  I had no idea he meant on a cruise.  He scrimped and saved, and paid for all of our immediate family members!  I am still in shock!  When he announced to me that this is what he had planned, he asked me what destination I wanted to go to.  I choose Bermuda.  In 1988, my nephew was diagnosed with leukemia.  As part of the make-a-wish program, he and his family traveled to Bermuda.  Rick was 20.  While there, he made this remark, “Mom, this must be like heaven.”  Rick passed away in April of 1989.  In 2006, his mom, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, right in the middle of when we were in the planning stages of this trip.  I choose Bermuda as our destination, hoping and praying to take Nancy, back to earthly “heaven”.  God had other plans though, and brought her to the real place.  The following August, the rest of us set sail.  Nancy and Rick were never far from my mind!

I learned something from that experience.  I learned to seize each day and to find the joy in that day.  Each morning, I read and journal my thoughts and today the passage that struck me was Psalm 12:6 – “And the words of the Lord are flawless.”  When I image flawless, I think pristine in its beauty.  Simple.  It conjures up images of a baby after its bath, wrapped in a towel, warm.  Another image is of a spring day at daybreak with dew on the ground, the trees and flowers budded and the sun beckoning their attention; or of the sun dancing on the expanse of the ocean, like diamonds glistening. I think of Bermuda. I think of my rockers, and sitting enjoying the company of loved ones.  These and other images of beauty are the balm to my soul, while the person I am wants to write out those lists.  Now, I not only take the time, I purposely make the time to sit, because when the shoulds and ought tos of the world crowd out the important things in my life, I need to hear Him as He gently calls and motions for me to be still and listen, for He is in control and I need only be.

Looking up!~Barb

Life Is Like A Cup Of Coffee

Every morning as I sit down for my quiet time, I bring a cup of coffee to the table. Now, I am not a coffee connosiour and for some, my taste in coffee might seem weak, but I enjoy the warmth and comfort it affords me and probably more descriptively, I enjoy the aspect of drinking it, if that makes any sense. It isn't the jolt that I enjoy, sometimes I even go for decaf, it is the experience of being settled in my thoughts and slowing down enough to enjoy this little bit of a routine I have going on. Some peruse the newspaper as they drink their morning java, for me, I sit and welcome God. This particular morning, I actually saw a video, which I hope to be able to share, it is the title of my blog today. I hope it brings to you the same joy I felt while watching it. The video is only 3 minutes long. Enjoy!

 Life Is Like A Cup Of Coffee click on this link and scroll to the screen with the arrow!

Looking up!~Barb

Tears

Today it is raining in Charlotte.  Usually I dislike rainy days, but today, I had a different experience and I want to share it.  I was sitting reading my various morning devotionals and that too is a relatively new experience for me, and today’s reading stated that I should “Stop trying to work things out before their times have come.  When things do come to my attention, I am to ask (God) You, whether or not it is part of today’s agenda.”  - Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

A few years ago, I read something about prayer.  Prayer is nothing more than a conversation……with God.  Think about your conversations with others, do you just sit down with them over a cup of coffee with a litany of your wishes, then once your list is completed, stand up and walk away?  Ouch, I have to say that, that basically described my prayer life.  That was until I learned that I needed to try what was called “Two-way prayer.”

Two-way prayer is finding time to sit and be quiet.  You need to clear your mind of all distractions, a major feat in itself, and then you need to listen.  Half the battle is staying in that realm of being free from distraction, so the first thing I do is ask for God to help me there.  But this is not the point of what I am trying to say in today’s blog.  I am actually going to share what I felt in my heart.

As mentioned, it is raining today.  Tears fall – ours, comingled together.  As I watch Your (Godly) tears cascade down my windows, I feel our connection.  You say “Let your tears fall freely and I will catch them and save them, for there are no tears here in heaven, but the tears I’ve saved from you, I will re-use to water the many gardens of heaven.  See your tears are never wasted.”

That’s what I heard this morning, when I was quiet and listening.  A few years ago, there was a song about tears.  It was entitled “Healing Rain.”  Whenever I hear this song, I think about the times I would listen to it with my sister (in-law) Nancy, who has since died from pancreatic cancer.  The tears we shared, were the cement that bonded us together.  That bond was God’s blessing of our friendship.  Neither Nanc nor I were (are) openly public “criers” but sometimes, sometimes the tears like rain must fall.  Tears shared between friends are priceless and I am forever grateful to God for letting me share in the lives of those who allow me this opportunity of fellowship!

Looking up!~

Barb