I surrender or did I?

How do you know if you are convicted?

Last night at a woman’s Bible study I struggled with the right words to ask this question.  Interestingly, the right words popped out at me this morning, from commentary by Joyce Meyer.  She said, and I quote “I lived a defeated life for many years simply because I was not fully surrendered.  I accepted Jesus as Savior; I had enough Jesus to stay out of hell, but I had not accepted Him as my Lord in every detail of my life; I had not accepted enough of Him to walk in victory – and there is a difference.

These words showed me my lack of conviction.  Ouch! Ouch and ouch again.

What constitutes a defeated life?  Well, should I describe some of the attributes of mine?  Prideful, fearful, doubting, obsessing about control or lack of it, I can go on, but that ol’ prideful thing stands in the way!

The commentary also stated that any area of our lives that we hold separate from God, is an area where we cannot be filled with His Spirit.  Reworded – any area that we hold separate from God remains dark.  The specifics – “your time is His; your money is His; as are your gifts and talents, your family, your career, thoughts, attitudes and desires.  He wants to be involved in every area of your life; how you dress, the friends you choose, what you do for entertainment, what you eat….and so on.”

I realize that all of the above has been stated and restated.  I’ve read it over and over, but finally, the light bulb is coming on for me.  You see, as Joyce stated above, I believe I have enough Jesus in me to stay out of hell, but I’m not living in victory.  Victory should be feeling buoyant, not overwhelmed.  Joy should be expressed in your walk, your talk, your eyes but unfortunately for many, myself included, the problems of the day (I was going to say world, but I need to start smaller) show up in our posture, our gait and the deadness in our eyes.  As a photography student, I am especially drawn to my subject’s eyes. Do you see the sparkle knowing that they are engaged and you can look into their souls?  Or do people’s eyes seem flat, disconnected?

So, I asked, how do you fully surrender?  I don’t think my problem is that I haven’t tried, it is more that I find myself giving but taking it back.  I have definitely come to understand surrendering control in some aspects, you can’t lose loved ones and not comprehend the loss of control you feel.  I can even say at this point after 17 months, that I am at peace knowing that I have added 3 more souls to my treasures in heaven.  Surrendering to acceptance of that is huge!  But I think my question of surrender is deeper than that!  How does one agree to open their hands to what hasn’t yet taken place?  God gives us the choice of free will, and He gives us a mind and somehow Satan gets into the mix and we become hoarders of the imagination, ie – The What Ifs, the saving for a rainy day, the you better plan ahead mentality.  And all these put the dependence on me, myself and I, rather than in trusting that God is the sole provider of everything in our lives!

This is the stuff I’m talking about, the non-victorious way of life that confounds me daily.  The advice given, talk to God.  Read His word.  Surround yourself with others doing the same thing.  Good advice!  God says that in our weakness, He is strong.  I thought I was doing all that!  The problem is that I’m too busy to listen, to settle myself to hear what is being said!  Anyone?  My coffee cup says around its rim “Peace, be still” does anyone see the oxymoron in that?  Caffeine and be still just shouldn’t even be in the same sentence!

Finally, at the end of the commentary Joyce states “Complete surrender to God brings good change into our lives.  Surrendering to Him actually opens the door to the things we desire, and yet we waste our time and energy trying to obtain access to them in our own way.”

I pray that God reaches into all of our hearts and allows us each to have the eyes of our hearts opened in such a way, that we become convicted of the need to surrender, once and for all, those things we keep hidden.  “For Jesus said to the people, “I am the Light of the world, if you CHOOSE to follow me, you won’t be stumbling in darkness, for you will have the light of life.”

Now, I wait in hopeful expectancy, that from my heart to His, He will see my desire to surrender all, once and for all and that I will be allowed to walk in victory and joy!

Looking up!