Weeding your Garden

Setting the scene. How would you describe your world? No, not the external one, but the internal one? Have you ever given it much thought? Actually, whether or not you are aware of it, your internal world influences your external one!

Let me give you an example: you are in a cemetery and you see a lone figure sitting on the bench of a loved one. How do you view that? Does your mind automatically think, how sad? Might you be able to conjure up instead, how wonderful that even in perceived sadness, there is a moment of beauty and peace being shared?

I won’t venture to guess how anyone else’s mind works, I have my hands full with my own mind!!! But interestingly this morning as I was reading "Cross Roads" by Wm. Paul Young, he set a scene that more or less awakened me to the possibility of residing too long in darkness…by choice. I don’t want to give away too much of the book, I think it is a great one and it should be read by everyone. That said, he depicts in this particular scene three men, two of whom are Gardeners/wall keepers and the third man is the main character exploring his internal world. The internal world seems to be a heavily weeded place surrounded by great walls. As the two Gardeners approach the main character they announce to him their job descriptions. The main character is looking around and is astonished because all he sees are miles and miles of weeds. When he inquires to how they can be doing their job, one reaches out and pulls a rose complete with thorns and triumphantly exclaims, see, I just got one. The significance is in the perception. Because the rose was of color and different, the "Gardeners" seeing the difference in their "dark" minds establish the beautiful rose as a weed.

How prolific is that? Do we at times do the same thing? What colors are we missing because we choose to live in darkness, depression, maintaining walls around ourselves? In the middle of winter, when things seem bleak, do we notice that color still exists? I was just outside looking at the trees and I saw many shades of gray and I got excited. It is all in my perception but gray can also be beautiful, because it has depth.

In the midst of whatever is happening in one’s life, it all boils down to "our" choices. That statement might seem overly simplified. In a photography course I took this weekend, the instructor said that there will be a class on seeing color. Really, someone can instruct you to see color? He then also said, that once you are able to see color, your pictures become more than snapshots.

I have found that I’ve become good at a few things in life, but up to this point, everything has been captured as snapshots. I think God has finally made me aware that I need to see the beauty in the brilliant landscapes he has allowed in my life and to do this, the walls must come down and I need to do the weeding in my own garden, allowing for color.

Our world is beautiful, aged people likewise are beautiful. We fight to maintain our youth seeing wrinkles and gray hair as our enemies. I’m not of National Geographic caliber in my photography, but I truly appreciate the beauty captured in the pictures of older people, who have earned their wrinkles and gray hair. I see the beauty because I choose to look at age as a positive. The wrinkles like the tree bark tell me a story. It is about the journey and I’d rather spend my time rejoicing along the way instead of fighting against time.

Looking up!
Barb

The concept of God - multidimensional

The concept of three in one, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, all being one and the same just smacked me upside the head. I truly could never conceive how this was possible, agreeing with it not out of understanding but just because it was the definition given. For whatever reason, today I understand the clarification. It was an aha moment, or for some a Duh, where’ve you been one.

To break it down in its simplest form, and in the way I came to understand it, think first and foremost relationally. And this seems to be the spot most of us can’t comprehend. We have this far off concept of God being up there in heaven issuing orders instead of actually His residing in and through us. But back to thinking relationally and in human context…I chose to look at marriage, where 2 become 1. This just means instead of operating on a self-centered basis, when two enter marriage they combine their assets, their outlook on life and more; even while continuing to operate sometimes individualistically.

I was married for 30 years until my husband passed away a short time ago. I never felt "controlled" by him, and hopefully he never felt controlled by me, but in saying that, I will also mention that in decision making areas, we would discuss the options and then agree or agree to disagree on the process we would follow. When we agreed, we were thinking like mindedly and in essence as one. To further this analogy, even when we agreed, one of us would take the lead in accomplishing whatever it was we were pursuing.

There is first God as the Father. Then, Jesus as the Son, who became man so that we could have a relationship with God, and the One who established the bond of God and man through the understanding of the troubles, and hurts we suffer. Finally there is the Holy Spirit as the part of God who resides in us.

Where our trouble comes is that relationally many if not most of us want to be THE god in our own lives. We want what we want, when we want it, how we want it and then as if that isn’t good enough, we want everyone to agree with us. Unfortunately, many make their lives revolve around their own god status and then wonder why chaos ensues.

God is not our financial well being, our careers, our possessions or even our popularity. God really couldn’t care less about those things. I just started reading a book by the author of the Shack, Wm. Paul Young. This new book, "Cross Roads" uses an illustration of a financially well off man, who trusts no one and who’s belief system is so out of whack that the concept of God is thought of as a children’s story. What’s real? What’s the truth? Do you know?

As the book opens, this man has a traumatic episode and so happens to meet up with a "Jesus" like man while his life hangs in limbo (coma). He is surveying the sites he encounters and sees utter desolation and condemns it. He is shocked as he finds out that this desolation is really the internal condition of his soul. What is written so graphically makes me cringe to drive by abandoned areas left to ruin. Next time you are in your car, and drive past such a place, internalize it and then ask, is that what my soul looks like?

You know what I miss most in my widow-hood? It is the connection between Bruce and I, a connection that was 32 years in the making. Is that part of my life over? I don’t believe so, but unfortunately many people aren’t willing to "connect" and share, we have grown accustomed to self-centeredness, after all, if we don’t fend for ourselves, no one else will! Will they? I don’t believe that too be true, but rare is the person willing to open up their heart to just anyone. Yet, Jesus lived that way. He didn’t hold a high-ranking job, He wasn’t popular, He didn’t own anything and yet He was always giving…of Himself. This is what is meant about His being relational. He chose to be part of the community surrounding Him. That is what I still yearn for, to feel "a part" of something. It is difficult after 30 years to be the sole voice in decisions, it isn’t that I can’t, it is more that I miss the sharing.

Getting back to "Cross Roads" and the bleakness of where the character finds himself, he asks a very pertinent question "did he send the people away, or did they leave of their own accord?" The answer was very insightful, when we don’t deal with (death) and I’m substituting for clarity the word (turmoil) everyone in your life becomes a catalyst for pain or dead to you.

Is there a difference between truth and reality or is it a mind game? What makes something either true or real? Is it the same for everyone? Is it fair to judge someone else on his or her truth or reality? What would give us the right to do so?

I think as long as we operate on the individualistic basis, the gardens of our souls will wind up looking chaotic and we will feel a yearning for something we can’t explain and then consequently the need to continue trying to fill that void with more. More of everything we don’t need or even want, even though at a moment’s notice we believe we do both want and need it. What we need is to feel a part of…necessary because…but we mistakenly believe that this is fulfilled by humanness. It is sad for those who believe that to be true, because it was NOT why we were put on this earth.

Our purpose, if we CHOOSE to accept it, is to love others. That is it. If we love others, as much as we love ourselves, there wouldn’t be disagreements, conflicts, judgments etc. God isn’t a "freak" with multiple personalities. He is in community, a bonding of three very unique beings, who are capable of thinking; feeling and relating on the levels that we can each individualistically comprehend.

God, the Father is perfect, the only perfection there is.  Jesus the son, is the conduit that links our problems, sufferings, our joy, in essence our humanness to God.  The Holy Spirit, was the everlasting bond given since Jesus had to die for us to be made acceptable.  You can't negate what was, just because the role changes...I was married, I am a Mom.  The changes made in my roles in each of these two circumstances don't nullify them, it makes my person multidimensional.  And That is the point, I'm trying to make about God!

New Year Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions. Did you make any? I was writing (well typing) in my journal and it dawned on me the insignificance of resolutions, especially ones powered by our own might.  You know the ones we break 2 days after making them!

In Jeremiah 29:11 it is stated that "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

Well, how many of us, even the most well intentioned of us, make our own plans and then ask God to approve them? Hmm…I’m guilty. There’s a subtlety about what was written here. Whose plans? My plans. And therein lies the problems. We are not promised life without difficulties. Trials make us grow. Pruning takes place.

In my morning devotional it was pointed out to me that a good gardener severely cuts back a rose bush to allow for beautiful bountiful new growth. For those who are not familiar with gardening to this extent, which is more beautiful? Lots of blossoms or spotty blossoms with green leaves on sticks? One of the lessons my Mom taught me about gardening was that you have to cut back the dead wood that is in a plant, so that the plant rejuvenates new shoots. Most time this severe cutting back looks like a bad haircut and I’ve certainly had my fair share of those.

Well, we too are pruned as we journey through life. God is the master Gardener of our lives. He prunes what is not producing fruit in order that new shoots might blossom. Pruning hurts and still we hang on to what we know rather than experience the adventure God has in store for us. One might look at this and think I’m wise; don’t be fooled, I hang on to what I know just as everyone else does!
Pruning doesn’t mean something taken was bad, I tend to look at it as if what was pruned fulfilled it’s purpose. I just finished reading a book by W. Bruce Cameron; entitled "A Dog’s Purpose" I highly recommend it. The book’s main character is a dog that travels through life defining what it is here to do. It makes me look at my own dogs in a new light. To say anything more would be to give too much detail and ruin the book. I don’t believe the premise is the same for people, but the search for meaning and purpose is. I will say this though, there is pruning going on throughout this story.

All in all, my point is that we should be open first to God’s plan for us. How do we do this? We settle ourselves down, we become quiet and we ask to be shown the way. Sounds simple enough? Unfortunately the directions are simple, but hearing God takes practice. Does a musician just sit down and play beautifully? No, they practice and perfect the score they are playing. Same with an athlete. Practice is continual.

We are all in a New Year. I didn’t make any resolutions. I find myself knocked for a loop with the pruning last year brought my way, BUT, I am confident that God has a plan for me and in HIS time, as long as I am open to hearing Him, I will be lead to where it is and what it is that I’m supposed to be doing. Just remember we are human beings, not human doings. Be first and the means to the doing will be provided.

Looking up!
Barb

New Year - Happiness vs. Joy, it all depends where you are looking

A new year started just a few short hours ago, I was in bed feeling blue. So much has happened this past year and honestly I haven’t wanted to nor have I allowed myself to really deal with the ongoings of this past year, I've kept busy. New year…new beginnings, a chance to start over, if we choose to do so. The thing is, if we live one day at a time, and as I read yesterday in a daily devotional, each and every day can be a new year…because we should be living one day at a time. God only gives us each day and it is up to us how we choose to live it!

I have had the great fortune of gleaning insight from a friend working the 12 step program of AA. And in the third step, there is a prayer that goes: "God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and do with me Thy wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, so that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always.

This prayer is so chocked full of positives and I have often said to this friend, that it is a shame that this 12 step program is kept more or less a secret, because it has such a insightful impact on every life.

This year, THIS day…I need to offer myself to God and let Him direct me along the path of life. Every detour taken, is one of my desire to lead. In Matthew, Jesus states that we are to come to Him, all that are weary and in need of rest. I can’t speak of anyone else, but I need that rest. My burdens this past year certainly showed me MY need to follow and trust in God, because self-sufficiency didn’t nor couldn’t carry me.
Jesus states that we need Him to release us from our burdens, "relieve me of the bondage of self!" I equate this to mean that as a team player, I can’t carry the team alone. This is so evident in so many marriages where one person in the marriage believes that their needs are more important than someone else’s (in this case their spouse). Hindsight is such a great teacher. Losing Bruce and now being "in charge" of my own life is a scary proposition. I no longer can point a finger of blame if "MY" life isn’t working the way I think it should. I need to then remember that I am part of a larger team, God’s team. I realized that Bruce’s promotion to the heavenly team means that I might be sitting the bench, but like a journeyman learning the ropes, I still have some apprenticing to do until such a time as God calls me to "pro" status. My focus on self, keeps me in bondage. In asking God to relieve me of this bondage, my life’s problems and how He allows me to deal with them, hopefully will point others to the victorious way God wants me to live.

Is it a happy new year? Joy comes from God, He is the Light and if I choose to continue to dwell in a darkened state, it is only because I choose not to look up! His promise of taking on His yoke is one of rest which is peace. Peace and trouble can’t co-exist. What do you choose?

Looking up and Happy New Year!
Barb

Light

John 8:12 states that Jesus said to the people, "I am the Light of the World. If you follow me, you won’t be stumbling through the darkness because you will have the light that brings you life.
It’s been 2 months since I called hospice in for my husband. A signaling to the outside world and an admittance to myself and our kids, that Bruce’s time on this earth was drawing to a close. Since that time, I have felt enveloped in a soul darkness. Last evening as I stood outside in the chilled, no make that downright cold air of the night, the moon was full and the sky was clear and I was enthralled by the picture depicted. I wanted to capture that picture, to gaze on it as needed.

Various members of my family have had the good fortune of having "Bruce" sightings, of which I am envious. My best friend is moving ahead with her career. And I’m left to wonder, what will become of me! I am in a way, envious of those who have life, while I sit and wonder about my own. I understand that this is the time that I am to grieve, but in busying myself with the periphery of life, I’ve also blocked myself from the light.

This morning, I awoke, grabbed a cup of coffee, my Bible and a blanket – it is still cold outside, after all… and sat in one of my rockers. The verse that kept coming to me was "I am the Light of the World…" I sat there taking in the sunrise and as the day dawned, the meaning of that verse took shape in my mind.

God gave us his Son. Humans only understand the world in the tangibles. Son = Sun. It is always when simplifying and becoming childlike that we are able to draw close to God. As I sat out there freezing my butt off, I watched as the sun formed its path, not across the sky, but across the dew on the grass and the fallen leaves on the ground. The sparkle of the sun on those leaves lit up the pathway in my mind. The only commandment is to love. Love others, but what about loving self?
Following Christ is searching and finding the simplicity of following the trail created by the sun. Sun = Son.

I looked upwards at this point and scanned a nearby tree. The bark was interesting, (oh no my daughter would be thinking….here goes Mom and her discussion of treebark! LOL). What I also took in were the scars along the way, where dead branches had fallen off and were healed over. Midway up there was a solitary twig with a leaf on it…reaching for the sun. When my gaze hit the top of the tree crowned in its slowly fading glory, it hit me. The Light that leads to life. Even the trees get it!
Jesus said to the people, "I am the Light of the World. If you follow me, you won’t be stumbling around in the darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life. The operative word is "if". "If" a seemingly insignificant word that opens up the way for us. It is a choice that allows for possiblity.

Looking up!
Barb

I’ve been there for others in their time of need and now, when I am at a low point, it has been pointed out to me that I am not measuring up, I’ve changed. Maybe not in those exact words, but similarly stated. My "change" has not been out of ill-will, but instead from my own need to re-charge. I am not some superhuman force and just as I was thinking that there was something wrong with my perception, I came across this sentence, from "The Lazarus Life" by Stephen W. Smith.
"Study might be a part of community, but vulnerability is an even more important part. Vulnerability means a certain kind of soul nakedness."
What Steve is referring to is the Biblical story of Lazarus as he is being transformed from death back to life. I highly recommend you read the story, but to cut to the chase, Jesus shows up, after His buddy, Lazarus dies. Oh, and by the way, He (Jesus) was purposely late! Anyway, He shows up and is at the tomb of His friend, when He performs a miracle, asking Lazarus to come forth. (In today’s vernacular – get up and c’mon down!). Lazarus comes from the depths of the tomb, more or less mummified, he’s been in there a couple of days and he’s been wrapped up! Now, as the story goes, Jesus did the miracle (raising Lazarus from the dead), but He expects us to do the things we can do (unwrap Lazarus from the mummifying cloths). Did I mention, because Lazarus had been dead a few days, he was stinky?
What I absolutely love about Steve’s book is that he can take the grave clothes of Lazarus and make me see that the vulnerabilities I’m facing are similar. The things that cause me to feel shame, fear rejection, or doubt my self-worth are every bit as unpleasant as unwrapping a body that has been decomposing. The question then becomes, who do I trust enough to gently and lovingly help me unwrap the areas of my life that keep me from being all that God has met for me to be? And that, is the dirty business of unwrapping life’s problems within our communities.
In essence, I have finally figured out a huge piece of MY puzzle and it has everything to do with how I relate to others. The better my relationship is with someone, the more honest the vulnerability factor. Scary stuff! I never "push" people into opening up, because for the most part, people are afraid to be that open. I have seen first hand those who "want" a close relationship and yet hide behind masks, not comprehending that their fear is what holds them back from a more meaningful one. I have had people tell me on different occasions that they never share everything about themselves for whatever reasons and that’s fine, if that is the way they feel. Unfortunately, it can and does affect the relationship. My strongest and closest friendships are with people who are willing to honor me with the acceptance of my vulnerabilities. The key being that it is in the sharing of each other’s vulnerabilities. As Steve writes "Oh, for such a friend." And he absolutely nails it!
He goes on to say that "we each bring something to our relationships that hinders us. Yet, we set high standards for others and "arrive" (name a place) with expectations that often lead to disappointment. Over the years we develop a long litany of disappointments with people." Can you think of anyone who has disappointed you? Are you a disappointment to anyone? At this point, I know I am! I even know why and it has to do with the perception of standards set for me.
This made me take my blinders off. What do I want? And it isn’t just a selfish question and to boot, I don’t know that anyone has ever asked me that?!! In essence, I want to be loved the way I love others. I don’t want to conform to anyone else’s set of rigid standards, but instead want to share (key word there) and enjoy life with those I love. I want less schedules and more spontaneity and if that sounds irresponsible then I guess I won’t be spontaneous with whomever is thinking that. Instead of looking for all the wrongs of something, let’s instead look for the rights. I want deep, honest and soul-filled relationships with those willing to share the nurturing duties. I can’t do one-sided anymore, unfortunately, I’ve reached the burn-out stage.
　
Looking up!
Barb

Taking a stand

The elections are over, no, my "guy" didn’t win, so I pray that these next four years are ones where we really look at where we are headed as a nation. My heart is torn I am aggrieved. We have become a nation of misfits, with one group competing against another, as if the men who lead our "teams" are the demi-god who will "fix" what ails us. Wake up people. No one can fix us unless we first choose to be fixed! I’m tired of the blaming, because either side can support their claim. I personally and professionally am NOT better off than I was 4 years ago. The economy decimated our business until there was no business and now I’m closing said business and without the companionship of my husband who loved it!
As I was praying this morning, I asked God to guide me to what He wanted me to read. I asked that He stop me when He wanted to make His point and then help me recognize what that point was. I wound up in the book of Isaiah. Chapter 1 verses 1 – 9. Verse 1 – God is asking that we listen to Him, that He has spoken. Contextually, God allows events to take place; He allows the people free will because to force us to love Him and to abide by His "rule" would be to "FORCE" us to follow His plan. That isn’t love….love does not FORCE or think "its" way superior. It continues that God "reared" His children, brought them up and they have rebelled against me. Interestingly it continues that the "donkey" knows His owner’s manger, but the people don’t understand. Is it just my take on the symbolism of the donkey and people not understanding?
Verse 4 continues about our sinful nature, about us being a people loaded with guilt, our being corrupted and our turning our backs on what is just. Let me interject here. Biblically speaking, Jesus commands us to take care of the poor and the widowed. When today’s poor has I-Phones, and can buy cigarettes and alcohol with food stamps and then get into a late model car and drive off, I think we’ve misunderstood the concept of poor. I’m not making this up; I hear this from those who work in the supermarkets. Define poor! I just read a theory on facebook, it had to do with a poppy and its height and how no one poppy should be able to stand taller than another, so it gets chopped down. Really?? In human terms I stand 5’8", does that mean that anyone shorter than me has the right to whack me down to their size? Well, the same applies to our finances….if you think about it.
Sorry, off target. Verses 5- 6 talk about how we’ve been beaten up and the condition of our bodies showing our wounds and welts and open sores that have not been cleaned. Again, it strikes me that rather than fix our country’s problems we just put the Band-Aids of promises on them. Unfortunately if we don’t get to the root of the problem and stop the chaos, we only build on it and it will fester and then, as I fear, we will witness first hand our own "fall of the Roman Empire."
Verse 7 – our country is desolate, our cities burn with fire, our fields are being stripped by foreigners right before our eyes and laid waste as when overthrown by strangers. Don’t believe me? I’m directly quoting the NIV Bible and it continues to go on to say unless we allow for some survivors (as allowed by the Lord) to infiltrate our mess, we will wind up like Sodom and Gomorrah.
I’m not blaming a President. I’m blaming a society that is too afraid to stand up on its own to feet and take back what we are losing at breakneck speed. We’ve allowed ourselves to be lazy. We’re no longer in the game; we’re watching it on our boob tubes reacting as armchair quarterbacks. I always find it interesting when someone in the movie industry becomes the spokesman for the people in regard to politics. Good grief….really? They are "actors" – and they need to be "liked" so that we will pay exorbitant amounts of money to watch them play other people. Now don’t get me wrong, I love movies as much as anyone….I just don’t put my politics in their laps and vote their opinions. We need to read and gather our own information. We need fair and unbiased media and we don’t have that – everyone seems to have an agenda….both sides. Truthfully I don’t know who to trust other than God!
The bottom line, and I’m am making my stand, the Bible is the book with the answers but too often too many of us are afraid of what it says and how it will affect our lives. We choose to put blinders on and say that all that bad stuff applies to others not to us. Sorry, but none of us is exempt from the final exam! Last thought. We have done horrible things in the name of religion! Religion is about doing. God’s grace (love) is NOT about doing, it is about accepting. I don’t do religion. I choose to have a relationship with our Lord! There’s a difference and it is huge. The Pharisees and Sadducees "did" religion and they abused their power. Jesus came to save the ones who were less than perfect and that is where I fall. Do you recognize where you are?
Looking up!Barb