God Complex

I’m not sure I have the correct title of the position on a football team right, but I think if I played I would have probably been a guard, probably a nose guard.  Why?  So glad you asked!

For most of the past year I’ve been running interference for God, but today realized it wasn’t for God, it was in place of God.  This was one of those teachable moments for me…you know an aha moment as Oprah calls them.

I have a huge heart, which can be both a good and bad thing, depending on the circumstances.  In the good sense, God gifted me with the desire to help others, in the bad sense when I take on challenges that only God can work through and instead of helping, I get in His way.

I am in His way currently and I realized being here has given me a “God Complex.”  God’s ways are not necessarily our ways and as much as I want to do what is “right” in a given situation, even with the intention of love, the person on the receiving end needs to suffer the bumps and bruises of their situation in order for them to reach bottom.  My “help” is impeding progress because I have an inkling of what I see as the end result, and it scares me!  Not too big of a God complex?!  Geez!  Sometimes you just can’t save someone from going where they are going, especially if they aren’t willing to read the road signs on their own map!

I don’t have the market cornered on hurts, frustration or anger.  There is plenty of it out there and my little bit of help doesn’t make a dent in the big picture of an ongoing battle, in fact it is prolonging the journey.  I keep applying a band aid when surgery is what is required!  We were born into a fallen world, and it is up to each one of us to make the choices necessary to assure the life that God intended for us, in other words it isn’t up to me to guarantee your salvation, I might point you in the direction and offer encouraging words, but you, yes you, are the one who has to do the work.  Sometimes that means you need to be alone to recognize it and even if you are severely incapacitated, God will make a provision for you to be able to work toward Him.  It is the ol’ proverbial statement about being able to lead a horse to water, but not being able to make him drink.

I hate that people have to suffer, but when one abdicates their suffering to another person, they relinquish their lesson and thus are forced to repeat it until THEY learn it.  Isn’t like a parent doing their child’s homework, so that they get a good grade?  What did the child learn from that?  Ok, I’ll admit I did a project WITH them now and again….oh what we learn in hindsight!

Our identities should not be based on our performance, or our kids’ performance, nor should it be based on our mistakes, because not only will we make occasional mistakes, we need those mistakes to help us learn and thus grow.

So, it is in hindsight that I recognize my position as the nose guard, because I have been in God’s face protecting someone, instead of allowing God to do His work, which is always perfect, even when it doesn’t seem like it to me!

Some lessons are just more difficult to learn than others, I’ll be on the sidelines encouraging you, I wish you better days ahead, see you on the flipside!

Looking up!~ Barb

Weakest part

Where or what is our weakest part?  For some this question would take an archeological dig to excavate the layers we’ve buried this beneath!  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe stated, “Certain defects are necessary for the existence of individuality.”  Hmmm…

Too many of us stop, thinking our weakest parts is part of our outward design, meaning we think our hips are too large, our noses crooked, our teeth bucked, our waistlines bulging…but this morning I was challenged by a devotional that pointed to my heart as my weakest part.

What we take in from the world we take in through our senses (sights, sounds, tastes, smells and touch) which in turn gets filtered through our minds and many times is distorted before it finally reaches our hearts.  Our hearts are the parts of us that then send out the messages the world receives, but having gone through the above filtering process, many times the messages sent out are warped.

God wants us to open our hearts wider for Him.  In doing so, He will enable us to comprehend His truth about Himself, which will give each of us a greater, deeper, more wonderful understanding; one beyond our imagination of who He is and what He can do through us.  Each of us has a soul that longs for significance and in opening ourselves up to Him, He and He alone can satisfy the deepest yearnings because He is the one that created that space within us.

The catch is, the only way to get there is to be broken and in need of His gift.  See, what is broken to us, is beautiful to Him.  It is only in our brokenness that we reach out to take His proffered hand!

I am aware of people, caught in the throes of addictions, depression, diseases; all are calling out and some are hearing the apparent silence of God and it would make one wonder why!  Again, I will state, I’m no authority on the given subject, but the thought crossed my mind this morning, as a parent, when one of my kids did something “wrong” by my standards, it wasn’t until they were caught, that they showed their remorse.  But what was the onus behind the remorse – sadness in disappointing me or sadness at getting caught?  God is the supreme “Parent” and as any parent knows, some kids are just more ornery than others and no amount of discipline on our parts will change that child until that child sees the destruction for what it is.  No that doesn’t mean we give up, but we certainly don’t enable their behavior or make excuses, they need to feel the full consequences of their behavior.

Interestingly this past week at church, the minister related stories about our EGOs (edging God out), which I’ve blogged about before.  But as a refresher, our identities are not in our status, our cars, our homes, our friends, our jobs/careers, our toys or our families, especially our children.  We can and are supposed to teach our children, but they are free to make their own choices and sometimes they don’t make good ones.  But take that one step further…….we, (you and I) are also someone’s children, in fact more than just someone’s meaning our parents, we are God’s children!  We don’t always make good choices either and sometimes we can be just plain obstinate in our choice to NOT do something.  We do, whatever we do, to get results or a reaction and whether or not the reaction/result is positive, it is still an indication of someone paying attention to us and ultimately that is what we seem to crave…..attention, which in turn is a need for some sort of adulation, which is our EGO booster.

In the workplace, we work harder and longer as proof of our abilities to handle whatever comes at us.  As a volunteer, it may be our need to be needed but in each of these circumstances it is all about our egos and this I can state from personal experience because it aptly has described me!  Ouch!  EGO –edging God out?! 

I keep reading about God wanting me to be still and know Him and I can’t quite figure out how to just be still.  The world keeps getting in my way, beckoning me with its cheap thrills, but you see, it’s my mind that is the filter that keeps enticing me sending me false messages about the sweetness available out there, when all the sweetness I need is present inside my heart, if I would only open it wider to His possibilities.  EGO – Exalting God Only!

Our weakest parts really then become our wills, which translates into our desires, which originate in our hearts.  Are you filled to your heart’s content?

Looking up!~ Barb

What's your secret?

You know, the one thing that if anyone found out about you, you would feel you would die of mortification?  We all have them, whether or not we admit them, some might be worse than others, but that really is in the mind’s eye of the one retaining the secret.

We all have pasts, and our pasts aren’t perfect but instead of allowing our pasts to hold us captive, we need to re-think that past as being part of the experience that led us to where we are today.  Certainly if your or my past is something we are ashamed of, we hopefully aren’t continuing on with it and should let it go.

Sometimes our pasts have hurt people, even people we care about and sometimes we can tell them we are sorry and other times we can’t – because we’ve lost touch with them or they have passed on, in these cases we carry around heavy loads of guilt that keep us from being able to experience life in the manner which God, our Father wishes us to.  My answer to how to handle this, would be to write a note, releasing that which binds you to error in judgment and then give it to God and then burn the note.

Sometimes we confide in a friend, and if I am that friend I want you to know that that confidence is being held to the grave and beyond.  My point being that in sharing sometimes that burden can be released and hopefully allow the clog in the system to open and allow for movement ahead.

There is another source though, and this source is the one who knows you better than anyone on earth.  He knows you from the time you were formed and He knows your faults before you’ve even committed any errors in judgments.  It would be natural to then think, since God knows all about you, then why does He allow you to make missteps in your life?

The answer – because He wants you to choose to want to walk toward Him.  Anything forced is well, forced and when I’m put in that position, I rear back and don’t go willingly.

The same go for friendships.  The people who bless my life are those who willingly want the connection and make the effort, as do I, to perpetuate the bond whether it is familial or not.

I have recently had the experience whereby a friendship was put to the test and it was a grueling test and one where it would have been quite easy to give up on, but in maintaining the association and facing the glitches head-on, it is my sincere hope that a stronger foundation is being poured and it will allow for growth.

We are not whatever our worst mistakes are.  We are human beings prone to screw-ups, even repeated screw-ups.  I just find it sad when people think they are beyond anyone being able to understand that they are not the only ones screwing up in life.

The saddest days for me are when I see people I care about floundering about, projecting needs but denying them, maybe even thinking no one out there cares enough to listen or that if they admitted to a mistake, they would be laughed at or scorned.

I’m about to start my hospice volunteer work – no kudos please, I mention it in passing because I have been made acutely aware of a segment of the population who feels extremely lonely and the underlying feeling is that many of these people have gotten to the end of their lives and they just want to be connected, to matter……to someone. To not feel alone.  Might we all get there and feel that way?

I don’t know how many ways to say to those I love – please stop waiting for the perfect “time” to make your connections – you will make time for whatever is important enough to you, I am hearing more and more regrets being spoken as the end draws near.

Looking up!~ Barb

BE!

My mind is jumbled.  We have finished this years’ version of the weddings and I’m not quite up to the task of getting ready to jump into next year’s planning yet.  My brain is just a mass of mush.  From what I’ve been told, this is pretty normal – I mean the mixture of emotions I went through was enough to render any sane mind questionable, much less a menopausal one!

The older I get, the more fascinated I become with people.  The less I focus on myself, the more I see the interesting dynamics that play out in the dramas and power struggles and there’s a part of me that in this state just wants to cry out……stop!  Just be.  I often write, and will do so again here, I don’t have all the answers to most of life’s questions, but there is a simple truth that many people are missing in their day to day struggles.  The truth is the blessing called hope.

Are you a hope stealer?  People often become what they are told they are.  By this I mean if you tell someone they won’t amount to anything, it becomes their fulfilling prophecy, because you’ve stolen their “hope.”  By stealing this blessing, you’ve rendered the person inept in handling whatever their desire may have been, unless the person is of a very strong countenance.  There are no guarantees in life and any of our desires can seem far-fetched, but if we study and perservere, that in which we hope may be achieved.  I may say I want to be a doctor, but if I do nothing to move to that goal, then the end result won’t happen.  But if I say I want to be a doctor and I go through the motions of studying and applying myself to the necessary steps then there is a good chance of my achieving the desired outcome.  However, if someone, whose opinion I value, speaks of my learning disability and states that I will never be able to overcome it, there is a good chance I’ll give up before trying!

These past two weekends I watched alcohol loosen tongues.  I’m not against alcohol, I drink, but I’m no longer the 20 something person I once was and I don’t mean to make it seem like younger people have the market cornered on drinking too much!  The underlying feeling I came away with, was that the more alcohol ingested, the more the boasting became prolifent and with it, I sensed an underlying sadness of dreams not having been met.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that the weddings weren’t wonderful because they absolutely were, it was just in some of the more obscure moments when these thoughts flashed through my mind and they weren’t while I was in the middle of the dance floor!

I have since then read this “We forfeit the life God intended for us when we lower our souls to functioning as machines rather than living as soulish marvels who require more than a quart of oil or a recharging of our batteries.” –Soul Custody – Stephen W. Smith.  It seems as if we have become robotic in our roles, rather than in living lives and in our hopeless states we drink (or choose other methods of self-medication) to make us feel better about what “IT” is we are missing.  “IT” being our hopes, our dreams, that to which we aspire to be.  Notice I said be, not do.

We seem to be getting more and more lost in the maze of life.  While at the two weddings I did have moments to “stop” and they were moments I truly cherished.  In the mountains, I had the good fortune to have had a thoughtful husband rent us a room that had an outdoor hottub.  Wow!  The cool air in the early morning, post wedding but pre-morning after wedding breakfast, I was in that thing as soon as the last rumble of thunder was heard!  This past weekend – at the beach, the house our friends rented was just back from ocean front, so there was only a short-walk to the beach and I sat up on the pier at 6 a.m. loving the ocean breeze and the view.  I had to keep reminding myself to relax, to slow down, and to NOT think and in both cases, this was extremely difficult.  It shouldn’t be that way!

I would like to invite everyone I know to just be.  In my presence, know that you don’t have to do anything to “impress” me, just show up and enjoy the lack of pretense, the lack of perfection, be ready to laugh or cry or any other emotion you’d like to share, but always know that you will be received with a spirit of honesty and hope and value.  Come and just be!

Looking up! ~ Barb

Wedding Day!

Wedding day….. a continuation of the festivities.  When we arrived in Blowing Rock, only one room was ready – Brooke and James’, so we unloaded all the tuxedos into their closet and went about our day.  The kids stayed up late enjoying the company of their family and friends as previously mentioned. 

Saturday morning arrived, and as is my norm, I awoke early (it was really more of I got out of bed because I never fell asleep!).  I dressed and went to the common room and found family enjoying some breakfast.  Brooke walked in and asked me to drive her to Juli’s parent’s house, where the bridal party was getting ready.  On our way out, I pounded on Brent’s door and just as he had while in high school, he responded “Go away!”

My sister, Marion, decided to accompany Brooke and I over to the Mahoney’s and when we arrived, we found Juli out walking her dogs.  Her parents' house was soon a hub of activity.  We stayed for a short time and then returned to our inn, dropping more “guest” bags off at the Holiday Inn for the guests who were arriving that day.

Brent had left to join his “guys” and James was still sleeping, but not for long, as once all the guys got together they realized they had nothing to wear!  All the tuxes were still in Brooke/James’ room.  This was quickly remedied, and in the transaction, James almost lost his suit as it was between two tuxes!

Time passed quickly and it was soon time for our showers and dressing.  Minda called and we agreed to meet in the common room for her to do my make-up.  I had no idea I was going to have an audience.  Madi, Minda’s daughter was there, my sister-in-law Ang, showed up with camera in hand???!!!  I think she video taped me?!  My sister, Nancy walks in and decides to observe, Bill and Josh were using the Inn’s computer, then Fred and Angie showed up and the group was finally complete when Bruce walked in!  Geez, I felt so exposed! 

Minda is now applying who knows what, she was telling me, but it didn't register and everyone is watching.  As she describes what it is she is doing, Nancy mentions something about how my lips are cracked and Minda tells me about this product called a lip plumper that costs $50 – something that fills in those crevices and I’m thinking I can use this product in all the wrinkles that seem to have sprung up over night!  My dear husband, casually asks if they have a boob plumper, which makes the entire room swell with laughter.  Thanks Bruce!

Makeup done, I head back to my room to put on my dress….you know…. “The Dress” and much to my delight the zipper works! Ok, here we go!  We load into our cars and make our way to the church.  On our way, we receive a phone call stating that we are to take Juli’s bag and put it into Brent’s car, which we are then taking over to the place they will be staying that night.  When we arrive at the church, Brooke hands James a small green canvas bag and as James’ is putting it into the car, he remarks, “Figures Juli would have a tackle box for an overnight bag!”  We laugh and go into the church.  10 minutes later, the monsoon hits.  People were driving right up to the church door (over the curb and onto the pavement) to drop off their passengers.  Juli’s Mom was one of them!

The ceremony, which was well rehearsed the night before, goes off without a hitch.  It was beautiful…..it was fast!  The rains miraculously abate after the pictures at the church.  The wedding party heads out for a 2 hour marathon of pictures….. literally, we thought they had left on their honeymoon they were gone so long.  Bruce, James and I head to Chetola to drop off the kids’ bags and Bruce and James literally empty Brent’s car out in their room.  I mean, did they really think that he would need ALL the things in his SUV?

The reception is a lot of fun.  Juli and her Mom arranged for an old-fashioned photobooth to be on site.  What fun.  We all dress up in various garb and proceed to goof off in the booth.  Two pages of pictures print out, one for a guest book and one as a keepsake.  What a novel idea and the hilarity that went along with it were priceless.  The dancing was a workout like I had not done at the Y. 

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After the reception, we all headed out to a local hangout to continue the festivities and this was after the reception had been extended an additional hour.

Low and behold, as the story goes, Juli gets to the place she and Brent are staying and asks Brent, where are my clothes?  They look through all the bags and the little green “tackle box” is not Juli’s clothes, but the cleaning supplies from the trolley that transported them around everywhere.  It was filled with paper towels, Windex and polishing cloths!  Brent now has to leave the Inn, go to her parent’s house, find her her clothes, come back and meanwhile we are all over at this bar, waiting on them to show up.  We finally give up and leave and they arrive minutes later.

The next morning is a brunch and the kids were instructed to be there by 8:30 and not hungover!  Brent, Juli, her parents and Brent’s buddies all show up…..Brent calls us at 9:30 to see if we are even up!  I had been up, but I was making a point to get into the hot tub to ease all the sore spots from dancing the night before and I had to wait for a thunderstorm to pass!  The rest were up but just moving slowly!  Good grief, I was feeling 20 years older than my age at this point, I’m not sure of anyone else!  Again, the brunch was a lovely time and the weekend finally comes to its magical end.  We say our goodbyes and headed back to Charlotte – I slept the entire way home. 

Now, a week and a half later and after yet another wedding this past weekend, we are home absolutely exhausted.  I think our party days are well behind us!  More than half of us wound up having colds – I guess we just couldn’t handle the clean, crisp, cool mountain air!

Barb

Only the beginning! Wasn't that a song by Chicago?

A friend saw a couple of my pictures from the wedding and said, “when are you going to blog?” I will just have to admit, I’m still in a state of joyful awe and it has rendered me speechless!  This then progressed to mind-numbing exhaustion that has now resulted in a cold, which I have to get rid of, because there is a repeat performance in Morehead City, NC for the son of some of our closest friends and it is in 3 days.  As a tri-athlete, I can only say, weddings are definitely in a class event of their own!

The absolute joy I felt this weekend is such a gift that to maintain this level of happiness, must be what heaven is like!  There were times I started to worry that I was in a bubble and someone might come and try to “pop” it, and the bubble would magically swerve and avoid all the sharp corners/objects out there!  There are people who will try to zap your joy and this was one occasion where I didn’t want to experience that!

Prior to our adventure, but after shopping for the dress, and partaking in the Malibu Barb(ie) shenigans, our family had gone to a picnic at my brother-in-law’s lake house.  While sitting around the picnic table, my niece asks me, “who is doing your make-up?”  I don’t remember replying, but then she said, she would and then Brooke utters “Oh, thank God!”  Well just tell me what you really think there Brookie!  Here’s the thing, I grew up more interested in bats and balls then in make-up and my Mom being a depression era survivor, wasn’t into make-up either, so I really never learned the fine art of coloring one’s face.  I do recall hearing I needed to blend in my “Covergirl” chinstrap though as a teen, which was probably the last time I used foundation!  But more on that later.  Brooke and I spent Thursday getting our nails done enjoying the mani/pedis and then lunch afterwards before we headed to the pool to soak up the last minute sunrays.  I of course was not cognizant of all the differing tan lines I was accumulating, but at least I looked healthy and I was definitely relaxed!

The real adventure began, on Friday.  Suitcases packed, and the post-it notes that had run amok on every surface imaginable, were taken down as things were loaded into the car.  Somehow our intentions were confused and we wound up having to take everyone’s tuxes up to the wedding (we had volunteered to return them all) and again somehow we were able to squeeze all of this and the floral arrangements into the car forgetting nothing!  That in itself was amazing!

We check into our Inn and immediately headed to the convenience store to purchase soda and beer for all the mini-fridges in our families’ rooms, just a little something we do.  We couldn't take the car to the store because it was still too full of the stuff we couldn’t unload…..so Bruce, Brooke, James and I walked a half-mile carrying beverage suitcases under our arms.  It was only 11 am and we had already bought the store out of Miller Lite!  Again, they don't know the Ryans!

Brooke and I then left to attend the bridesmaid luncheon taking her car.  This was my first foray in driving up in the mountains and the roads were scenic and harrowing.  I remember making a left hand turn – at least there was a sign there, but the road quickly disappeared down a hill that led me to believe that once making the turn I’d be launched into space.  We saw more decks suspended high over trees that would make one feel as if they were in an airplane readying to land and the home we were lunching at was no different.  When we arrived we had to park and I’m one of those who backs in everywhere.  Brooke’s car is an automatic (thank God) because even in drive, if my foot wasn’t on the gas we were drifting backwards in this driveway and the drop off was at least 12 feet and NOT gradual!

From the luncheon we left for the church and the rehearsal.  Smiles and joviality were the main ingredients for this practice run which took over 2 hours….yes really!  How hard is it to say I do?  No, the problems were more that our group was very chatty, to the point that the priest looked over at two of the girls and said, I can separate you two if I have to.  I wonder if a nun had been there if they would have had their knuckles rapped?!  One wonders as the attendant lines waved to and fro, just how all of this would come together and appear perfect on the wedding day!

Rehearsal done and we are all ready to head to the dinner where the setting was perfect.  We were at the lakehouse at the Blowing Rock Country club, the only location up in Blowing Rock that offered seating for 100+ and that is what we were!  Bruce and I greeted everyone as they arrived all I can say is that I now feel ready to run for political office!  Hmmmm I wonder, whose hand did I shake that had a cold?!  Fun was had by all.

I started a tradition, that my Aunt Joan had done with her son, of cutting the apron strings signifying the release of Brent from his Dad and I, to the freedom of his love for his intended, Juli.  Of course, you all know how I like to embellish things……I had gone to the township manager of Matthews and had requested to borrow the Mayor’s scissors…..yes, that added to the “stuff” we had packed in our car!  These scissors stood 5 feet tall!  We had kept them under wraps and when the wait staff came out and presented them to Brent, his look was incredulous!

Toasts were made, dinner was served and before we knew it, it was time to head back to the Inn.  Our group decided to meet and continue our reunion out in front near the lake.  I haven’t a clue where all the people came from, but I’m sure Blowing Rock was a nice quiet community prior to the Ryan’s!  Back in his room, Brent and his guys were singing and it wasn’t the stuff of Kumbaya, but it was all in good fun.  About midnight, Bruce and I headed in for bed and I believe the last of the stragglers left at 12:30.  Somewhere about 2:22 a.m. I heard a fight and being a Mom, I had to look through the blind slats to see who was doing what, except no one was out there.  Here the room we were in was right next to someone who was NOT part of our party and they were flinging stuff in their room.  This continued until about 3:30 intermittently, when someone left.  Finally quiet, but the adrenaline in me was flowing at peak rate!  At 8, their alarm starts blaring and no one is in the room to turn it off!  Ok, so much for rest….and I’m wondering what Minda will do with my raccoon eyes!

I’ll end here….I’m sure there is a limit to blog length.. good thing I’m not tweeting!

Looking up! ~ Barb

Acronyms abound

My roles are changing and my rolls can’t keep up!  Help!  As I was driving to work this morning I was chatting on the phone, ok, it wasn’t handsfree and it needs to be, but this close to the wedding, I’m making use of every spare minute I can find……

This friend was asking me how I was doing as the MOG (you know the mother of the groom) and I responded by saying that I was too worried about being the MIL (mother-in-law).  Mogging in my case was fairly simple.  Turn complete control over to the bride and her mother was the way I handled it, the only choice I wanted was to pick the song for the dance with my son.  I’m not sure how the FOG (father of the groom) feels about things, he was left in charge of the financial aspect of the rehearsal dinner……we are hosting 100 people for that.  Yes, you read that right see why the acronym FOG is so appropriate?!  I would have wanted to stay in that state, but as the MOG I didn’t have to go there, and in all honesty, most people think I operate in a fog anyway!  Women naturally multi-task and what men think is fog-brained is all neatly packaged up and functioning on a highly efficient level as we are all quite aware of everything going on, but lets keep that our secret!

Back to being a MIL.  There are such negative connontations with being a MIL, most of them aren’t very flattering.  It is natural for the girl to go to her own Mom for advice, I did…..but my hope is that my new DIL will be able to enjoy our new relationship as one of a friendship.  See, she already has a Mom or since we are speaking in pre-wedding terminology, a MOB and after this wedding, I will then be seeking MOB advice as my daughter is then getting married next year.  But one acronym at a time is my motto!

Another concern I dealt with were my rolls. A friend and I worked our butts off, or tried to and it seems that those rolls only shifted and got lodged somewhere in my mid-section.  I wonder if all that wine we had after our sessions at the gym had anything to do with that?!  As you can see, my mind is totally focused and I’m well aware of what is and isn’t important.  It is imperative that as the MOG, soon to be MIL, that one stays unstressed, I mean don’t you agree?!

As I pack for this weekend wedding, I forgot to mention that this is a destination wedding…..I’m to the point of almost foregoing the suitcase.  I am so afraid I’m going to forget something that I’m putting those things in the car immediately.  One of those things being 2 pairs of spanx – the short version and the long version, depending on where my rolls decide to settle when I get up there will determine which I need!  I have 3 days until we leave and if my husband, the FOG, were to go into my car, I literally think his jaw would drop, especially if he were to reach into the side pocket of the driver’s side door!  I’m glad the automakers created all these neat nooks and crannies and I’ve finally figured out what to stuff in there!  Our son’s sister is also in the wedding and as the SOG, she was asked if she could drive one of the other bridesmaids up to the mountains early for the bridesmaid’s luncheon.  Since our daughter’s car is small, and her fiance is also going I figure I will now have to deal with the possibility of taking some of the SOG’s clothes ontop of the FOG and MOG outfits.  I’m thinking a small u-haul is in order.  The FOG thinks we should just put some things in the cooler on the roof rack of our Lexus.  See why my spanx can’t go there, the cooler which I was thinking was reserved for wine is now becoming a new suitcase!  Can’t you just visualize the lid opening and a trail of spanx between Charlotte and the mountains?

My other concern was that my sister-in-law told me the horror story of the spanx and her claustrophobia.  In the middle of a wedding she attended, she thought she would pass out.  No sooner had the I do’s been said when she quickly excused herself from the wedding, sprinting out in front of the bride and groom to go to the ladies rooms for spanx removal.  What she had forgotten was that spanx is a two-in-one combo, serving as underwear and girdle.  In the removal of such, she now would wind up commando?  I certainly hope someone besides me finds this hysterical!  She also only brought a mini-purse and if you knew how much the darn spanx cost you’d know that you couldn’t just throw them away without suffering severe guilt.  Think price of a tummy tuck rolled up in elastic!  So, now ontop of the other dilemmas I’m forced to deal with as a MOG/MIL, I now have to figure out which purse to bring because I might need spare parts!  All I can say is that FOGs have it easy!

Anyway, this is just a light hearted piece to commemorate this monumental moment in time….did I mention that as I get excited my brain goes haywire in its need to put forth this type of verbiage?  Where was this stuff when I had to do creative writing in high school?!

Now's there's been an addendum to the spanx, thanks to the DIL, apparently they now make one with a hole cut into it, because in the event one has to go to the bathroom, trying to pull this piece of toning torture up and down is like trying to pull on a wet bathingsuit.  When I remarked about creating my own opening, the DIL thought it might render the thing null and void.....ha, no pun intended!

Looking up!~ but hopefully not under my dress!

Barb