Well, I did it!
I am now the proud owner of a 13.1 sticker on my car. If there ever was a poster child for how NOT
to train for a half-marathon, I would have to say I would be in the running. Pun intended.
I don’t even know where to begin with the description of my barely there
training! This was not an endeavor that was
a spur of the moment idea although at different points in the run, it certainly
felt like I had spurs where they weren’t supposed to be and it wasn’t anywhere
where a “glide” stick was supposed to go!
My friend Sharon hails from Louisville, Kentucky
and it was her brilliant idea to sign up for this mini. I’m not chastising her for this, we had
certainly talked enough about wanting to do a half, no, it’s more that once you
say you are going to do something, it is definitely going to get done! No backing out, again, pun intended.
First of all, training, I thought, was going to be
done together, but no, she up and gets a job an hour and a half away. So, there goes the accountability
factor. But knowing I’m about to die if
I don’t train, keeps me semi-motivated.
Semi because if it was cold, or dark or rainy or I was tired or any
other excuse I could come up with, I took it!
Then there is the whole, eat clean regimen. I don’t think I quite understood what that meant,
because I carb-loaded the 13 weeks prior to the race, the entire time! Not to mention the M&Ms that kept showing
up in my pantry and the ice cream in my freezer. I hadn’t eaten dessert in such a long time
and now I can’t imagine a night without my MOOSETRACKs. Again, pun intended!
Ok, enough already with the puns. Race weekend was a blast. We travelled to Indiana first to spend some
time with Sharon’s sister. What did we
do? We went to see Menopause the Musical
and laughed our butts off and then the next morning, we went to the gym for a
20 minute workout on the treadmills. All
along the way, my cohort keeps telling me we are going to run this thing
together and at my pace, which is the equivalent to some people’s walk
speed. We no sooner get on the
treadmills and she starts with let’s quicken our pace! Oh boy, I’m in trouble now, keeps flashing in
neon colors in my brain!
That night, we head to Kentucky, my first trip
there and I get to meet the rest of Sharon’s family, All of whom are GREAT
people. Sharon and I first stop by to do
the packet pick-up and in Derby like fashion, I find I’m starting in Corral
H. One sister-in-law is in like Corral
C, a nephew in D and the rest of the family runners in F. The corrals were grouped by the time you
thought you’d finish in. Yeah, well, I
immediately went from H to F, which again states the speed at which said cohort
was capable of running – with even less training than me! Seriously!
Race day dawns.
Now, I’m going to be a bit upfront about behinds here. Running is a laxative for me, plain and
simple. No not relaxing, the other
kind. So 4 am dawns and Sharon is
getting me up to get me going by taking me for a mile walk. Performance anxiety hits and the only thing
moving on me are my legs. We get to the
race site, nada!
About a mile or so into the race, I’m starting to
scan the horizon for a place, but at least I have company in that someone else
has the bladder the size of a pea. Well,
the port-o-potties, to be called POPS in the future, have a mile long wait and
that ain’t happening. When you’ve gotta
go, it’s NOW. So, a bit further down the
road is a convenience store, and we duck in there and begin a 10 minute
wait. Well, some things can’t be rushed,
if you know what I mean, so we begin yet again on the trek to mile 13.1. Suffice it to say, that I felt like a dog
marking its territory with all the POP stops we made, 5 I believe is the number
I was told, I gave up counting! Next
time I will try Imodium. By the way, if
the Depends people want to start working on a new product…the existing product
would chafe too much!
Once done the half, the clock said 3 hours and 30
some odd minutes, but that doesn’t reflect that our corral was loosed about 15
minutes after the A group…so we found out it was really 3:16 – hmmm….how
appropriate, since “God so loved the world…”
We went looking for the rest of the family who finished quite well. Teresa in Corral early, finished in 1 hour
and 55 minutes. Nephew J finished in 2
hours 12 minutes. Brothers B and R
finished respectively in 2:38 and 2:40.
Cohort S, didn’t even break a sweat and was hooting and hollering the
whole time. Doesn’t it make you upset
when someone is smiling while you are cringing!
LOL!
At this point, now that we are finished, I’m
looking for food and along the way, I grab a beer??? Not a normal habit for me at 10:30 am. And we
head for her brother’s hot tub, again, didn’t I say I was the poster child for
what NOT to do! In fairness, I didn’t
learn that until the next day, when I was reading about how to recoup from a
marathon. Anyway, I digress, I’ve
changed into my bathing suit and am proceeding to step into the hot tub, but
the step is a bit further down than normal and a bit slippery, so I kerplunk
into the tub – spread eagle facing Sharon and her dad! Ok, laugh, because I am. I am only hopeful that the top of my suit didn’t
go all caliwhompass. I do know that
Sharon’s Dad went inside for a bit afterwards.
Shock value???
Later that afternoon, we wind up back at the
homestead and for the most part, sit and eat and enjoy one another’s company,
although we were a bit subdued due to tiredness.
Sunday morning arrives and we have an early
flight. Not as early as the one we left
to come here on, which was scheduled for 6 am, and we left the house at 4:30
only to find we were delayed an hour and a half! No, this flight is on time, but my body is
not working, meaning my legs and left Achilles don’t want to bend. The moving sidewalk in Cleveland’s airport
isn’t moving and neither are the escalators which for some unknown reason we
decide to walk up instead of the steps.
The escalator steps are higher than normal and the climb was like Mt.
Everest. When one walks on the moving
sidewalk, you stay on the right if you are going to stand. Well apparently my carryon was too wide, so I
had to keep moving because of all the numbskulls that followed us onto the
non-moving escalator. At this point I’m
laughing so hard, I can’t even walk, so Sharon is pushing me from behind and I’m
out of breath! Did I say I use an inhaler
to run? Some chronic cough I’ve had
since I’ve stop teaching??? Well, I
literally am huffing and puffing up these steps, you would never have known we
had completed a half-marathon.
So ends the tail, whoops the tale. Just thought I’d share, anyone want to join
us next year? I will be letting Sharon go,
to run her own race, so I’m looking for someone else to torment! Any takers?
PS - My Wii Fit console just told me I'm overweight and unbalanced! Nice to be home and insulted once again!
Looking up!
Maybe it should be looking ahead!
Barb
